Momma’s Boy (Part II)

Morris notices her silent sacrifice and keeps staring at her face, unsure of what to make of this gesture. After a while he just spaces out and decides to put his thoughts in order.

So I died.

I was sent to a dark void.

I followed the light...and now I'm here?

Morris pauses for a bit in his thoughts. His eyes are closed, as he puts in effort to make the absurd sound as normal as possible. After the quick brainstorm, he finally manages to deduce that maybe this isn't HELL - This is Reincarnation.

Yep, the good ol fashioned rebirth. This is the only logical estimate given the events that just took place.

Morris - The ruthless gangster, who shed enough blood to repaint the walls of the underworld, is now reduced to a helpless infant. With this reincarnation he was given another chance at life, but why does he look so...defeated.

"Goo~d morning sunshine."

Just like the ray of early sunshine illuminating the dull room, her lush voice peered through his dark mind, making him open his eyes and look over at her. She gently extracts her arm from under his head and rubs her eyes, following it with a light stretch of her body. On just a glance she could tell he is not okay - She uses the power called 'mom intuition.'

"What's wrong little one?"

She says in a soft tone accompanied by a worried expression and before Morris can even form a thought, her arms circle around, cradling his delicate body in her lap. She supports his baby head and starts gently rocking him as she tries to figure out the source of his distress.

The cloth is examined to see if he had 'relieved' himself, but after a quick check she finds him completely clean and dry. This leaves her more puzzled as she wonders the cause of such a tense expression marring her baby's face. Finding no other indication, she chalks it off to be the good old case of nightmares. She lets out a sad smile and starts talking to him in her soft tone.

"Was it a bad dream baby?"

That's the most reasonable guess that she could come up with. After all, it's not everyday that your baby son has the reincarnated soul of a depressed gangster.
Morris looks up at her and he just feels burdened.

Why?

Because the softness in the woman's eyes is like a constant echo of what he is not - He is not the innocent and pure child that the woman views him as, and in a way he feels guilty for taking that privilege away from her. He knows the significance of an offspring, or at the very least, he is familiar with the feeling of hope that comes with such an occasion.

Ah...these thoughts are swarming into a mish mash of confusing emotions, making his heart heavy. He starts feeling a mixture of frustration and...yep...he is crying again. The woman snaps out of her relaxed state and starts rocking him in a tense manner. She croons and holds him close as she tries to figure out the reason for his sudden outburst. 

He doesn't know why he feels this way and the lack of control on his emotions only adds to his stress, which ultimately ends with him bawling his eyes out. After a few minutes of softly rocking him, she notices the lack of light in the room. Finding no other indication for the source of his distress, she comes up with a logical guess.

"Is the darkness scaring you, sweetheart?"

Her hushed inquiry pierces through his haze of emotions, but his wails couldn't be stopped, at least for the next few minutes. Eventually, after some time of being accompanied by her rocking and affirmations of love, his screechy wails mellowed down to sniffles. Just as the last track of tear made its way down his cheek, she gently took the side of her worn out chemise and slowly started rubbing off the remnants of his spilled emotions.

"I know it can be scary, but look," she slowly lowers her hold on the chemise and gestures towards the window "the darkness is not forever."

Morris notices how the morning light is becoming more pronounced and the chirping of the birds is getting more prominent. The woman follows his eyes and she notices him admiring the distant view. She picks him up and takes him to the window, holding him close to the glass. Her smile never wavers as she takes his hand and traces his little palm over the condensation forming on the window. As she admires the feel of his tiny hand, her words follow with a sparkle of assurance and hope.

"For every night that wraps you in the blanket of darkness there comes a morning, bringing with it the promise of a new day."

He can feel the warmth of her fingers on the back of his hand, a stark contrast to the cool glass at his palm. He can see a faint reflection on the blurry glass. The reflection isn’t the same. Not the same man.

The woman notices her son being in a staring contest with himself, and a playful smile is etched onto her tired face. After a few moments, she carries him back and gracefully sets him back down. She wraps him back in his cloth and snuggles him back into the wool bedding, before leaning super close to give him a tiny kiss on the nose.

"Remember baby, even when the lights dim out, I am always here," she presses her forehead against his. Her eyes hold his gaze and she continues "And when it seems like all is lost," she tenderly places her finger on his chest and taps near his heart. "This right here, will guide you back to me." She pauses for a bit and takes in a deep breath, and the exhale comes with a soothing smile.

"You are my reason for living, Gavin.”

He just stares at her.
His big baby pupils are fixated on her face.
What is he supposed to feel after hearing that?

The woman notices the perceived awe in her baby's face and lets out a low chuckle. She buries face in his tummy. "Oh, Momma's going mad," She mumbles through the fabric of his clothes. Her giggles vibrate through his little body as she continues "you don't even understand me, but I really do love you, Gavin."

So, this is the so-called ‘mother's love’.

No matter how embarrassing it may be to say out loud, Morris knows the surge of warmth and security isn't like anything he felt before. He was an orphan in his past life, he practically grew up in a brothel district, and learned to live by the merciless law of the streets.

Is this fate making amends?

Fate and Morris go way back and they aren't exactly on friendly terms. He knows at the back of his mind that destiny won't let him be in peace. That's why this sudden promise of a new life...it feels off.

Without the complexities of his past life and all this reincarnation stuff, at the end of the day, it's just a mother caring for her child. Pure love for someone she considers her own.

It's that simple.

And it's that simplicity that feels so wrong.
He can't turn a blind eye to his sins and act like it's all natural. The need for repentance can’t leave his conscience alone.

The woman somehow senses an edge in her baby’s face, and she starts to gently rub his forehead, almost like she could wipe off whatever's bothering him. In between her gentle ministration, she speaks with a tone of care and worry.

"Must've actually been a nightmare," she murmurs and Morris just stares at her. He knows that some gentle and undeserving words of affirmation will follow, but those aren't meant for him. Those are meant for her baby. There is a difference. Her oblivious love cannot mean anything to—

"but you aren't there anymore, son."

Morris just looks at her. His own thoughts coming to a stop at the words. The timing of that line seems too perfect. Almost like an arrow aimed at the core of his mind.

"You are here," she makes firm eye contact with him and points to herself "with me."

She pauses for a moment and takes in a deep breath and her words which follow are like shooting stars in a somber sky. "You are my little boy and I, Olivia, will protect and love you, even when all else seems impossible."

Those are heavy words - Heavy enough to ground the distressed soul.

At that moment something is made very apparent - It's not just about him. No matter the reasoning, in the end, he is still the woman's only son. Whatever his inner conflict is, the fact that he has been born as her son won't change.

So, what should he do?

It's decided.

He won't act like they don't exist, but neither will he stop living this new life.

He will carry on those burdens and continue to face his sins, making sure to repent each day by living up to the expectations of what a good human should be like. From this day forth, he will live his life as Gavin - A son to the woman who gave him a second life.

Even though he may not be able to love her like his mother, he will fulfill the responsibilities of a worthy offspring - It’s duty, not love.