The Exit Strategy

I whip my head around to face the group, eyes wide with shock. 

"If you know how to exit, teach me. Please. I need to go back and fix my life."

Alice nudges Luca hard in the ribs, accusingly. "You know you're not supposed to talk about this until later." He sheepishly hides behind Mabel, who is offering him even less sympathy. "Well since the cat's out of the bag now, yes, you can exit. But not until you reach Level 5. And that's all I'm going to say on it!" 

Mabel sighs in defeat. "You're really supposed to find these things out yourself."

Internally I'm oscillating between excitement of knowing that there's a way back, and dread at the question that I have to ask next.

"Does that mean you all reached Level 5 already? And chose to stay? Even if this life isn't real?"

Mabel looks hurt by the question and turns away. Luca and Alice exchange a meaningful glance. 

"Look, Noa..." Luca sounds more reserved than he ever has. "Mabel already told you her story. We all have one. There's... not a lot left for us in the other world. We really like our life here. These are my new family and friends. I love them. I only have pain left for me in my old life. I can't go back."

Alice nods solemnly and goes to comfort Mabel. "There have been one or two people who chose to exit" she states. Her cloudy blue eyes look distant, shadowed in her midnight black bangs once more. "The ones I knew who chose to exit were people who wanted their life to truly end. They chose it themselves. They just didn't want to keep going."

Dread continues to wash over me like a wave. "Do we die when we exit?"

Alice shrugs, looking at the ground. "Nobody really knows. It's not like they come back."

*****************

Our little group continues our trek through town much more silently than before. We're all wrapped up in our own heads. As for me, I'm trying to figure out what a winning speedrun strategy for "RECOVER" is. Should I stay in bed all day and all night for a week? Should I run several miles and then jump into an ice bath? Should I find Elias and ask him to knock me out with a frying pan? What does this mean?

We find ourselves back at what we'll call my house and decide to sit in the front patio for a while. Alice takes the swinging chair, Luca and I share a bench, and Mabel leans casually over the railing, staring into the bushes and shrubs that surround it. 

I'm the first to break the silence. 

"So how long does it take to RECOVER? What do I do to make this happen? You're all higher level than me, so you must have already done that right?"

Luca wraps a friendly arm around my shoulder and squeezes.  "Oh, you never really know. Some people RECOVER pretty quickly, other people it takes a few years. You're kinda on your own for that."

I glare at him and lift his arm off of me, holding his sleeve like the scruff of a puppy as I do. "That isn't funny."

"No, I'm serious! The whole point of Level 1 is to start healing from the pain of your past life. You can't really put a timer on that, y'know?" He tilts his head to the side and grins a toothy grin. He's trying to be charming, but I'm finding it difficult to not flick him on the nose. Imagining it vividly will have to be enough satisfaction for the time being.

That's not good. I lean forward and put my head into my hands. I need to get back as soon as possible. Maybe I can still turn things around. Maybe I can somehow buy the game's IP back and start over. It can't all be for nothing.

Luca shoots me a pitying look. "You'd really make it to Level 5 and risk dying just to go back to  your old life?"

I nod. "I'd do anything to get back."

"It must not have been so bad then." He raises an eyebrow at me quizzically. 

I think for a moment. Sure my quality of life wasn't the best, but I was living my life the way I always had, the way I always wanted to. On my terms and nobody else's. I think of my old apartment, with the trash still not taken out and the walls still not decorated, and I shudder a bit.

"I mean, don't get me wrong. It was a hard life. But I was chasing my dreams before I came here. Even if it was kinda painful and difficult for me most days."

"And let me guess, it all came crumbling down right before you got here?"

"Fuck off."

"I'm just saying, we all lost something big. Take some time to grieve. If you were working really hard, try... not doing anything for a while."

"Not doing anything? Like at all? Just sit in my room and wither away until I hit Level 2?"

"Well, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying... if chasing your dreams without rest is what got you here, maybe try being willfully unproductive." He slings his arm back over my shoulder. I pluck it off. He puts it back and I give up with a pout.

Mabel turns her head over her shoulder and chuckles at my disdain. "I agree with Luca actually. I think if you really want to achieve Level 2 you should just get to know people and not take on any tasks."

"Really?" I sarcastically roll my eyes and look to Alice for help. She's fallen asleep sitting up in her swinging chair, and is peacefully tucked into an egg shape. No dice. "I can't not work. That's not how life works. That's not how I work."

"That's how it worked before, but this world is set up to take in people who need a break from all of that. It would actually be a little insulting to us if you went running around trying to help or pay us back for it."

"Huh." So I'm really stuck doing nothing for the next while. I lean back, laying my head over Luca's forearm until I'm staring at the patio roof. I'm annoyed he keeps trying to comfort me, but I have to admit his arm is actually pretty comfy.

I exhale, studying the wood grain in the roof, and the way that sunlight peeks through some of the cracks, letting tiny vines flow over into the sitting area. There's a kind of peace to be had sitting here memorizing their patterns. 

"So then, what about the Secret Objective?" If I can't maximize my strategy to the main objective, I may as well see what I can do about the side quest.

The two who are awake tilt their heads doubtfully. 

"There aren't secret objectives in this world." Mabel says it very matter-of-factly. "That's part of the satisfaction we're able to find here. We know what it takes to level up, and we get to decide whether or not to do it. There's no secrets to find."

I continue staring at the ceiling supported by Luca's arm. I think between the cracks I can see the clouds drifting by in the wind. "Well, I have one in my Objectives List."

"Is that so?" Mabel clearly doesn't believe me. She goes back to staring off the edge of the porch.

Luca leans in slightly and studies my face. I pretend like I don't notice it. Alice mumbles in her sleep and readjusts to curl up into an even tighter ball. The wind blows a few flower petals in its wake, spiraling up into miniature swirls of purple and white. The Coocows are singing in the distance, and some chickens are laying nearby. The chatter of birds and foxes arguing in the woods fills up any silence that would have felt heavy or uncomfortable in my past life. 

If there's no secrets, then how did I find myself looking for one?