Broken Desire

Why now, of all times? It couldn’t possibly be a worse moment for me to turn back from my transformation! But the strangest thing was, I felt completely fine. It wasn’t something as simple as running out of power. In fact, I felt great. I had never felt better, even. I knew that I could fight. I knew that I could keep up. I even knew that I wasn’t too much affected by this… thing’s lust for battle.

Then, why? What reason would there be for me to become undone?

However, that wasn’t all the surprise that the field had in store for me.

Just as I was at the peak of my anxiety, Duna dropped me down from his grip. Before I knew it, the man had already undone his transformation as well. And just as I expected from that action, on his face was a wry grin.

“You…! Is this some sort of pity against me?”

“Pity? Heaven’s no,” shook Duna. “This is my point to prove to you.”

“And what point would that be?”

“The point is that you should follow me back, of course, O’ Great Serpent… or rather, Tatsumiya Renji.”

Even at this moment, I could tell that it was strange. I had never told him my name before; this was the first time that I had met the man. Arja clearly hadn’t told him either, and he was also still busy with fighting the hordes of monsters with his soldiers.

Which left only one conclusion.

“You’ve… met her, right? That one called Kana.”

“Hmmm… Perhaps,” as if waiting for this moment, Duna’s grin stretched to the corners of his face. “Or perhaps… I’ve met ‘her’, Renji.”

My eyes widened in shock. It couldn’t be the case. It definitely couldn’t be the case. What would the odds be that Reiko was…

“Would you like to find out?” The man’s grin continued to haunt me, his hand reaching out towards me for an offer.

I instantly slapped it away. No, that couldn’t be the truth. Remember, Renji! The woman called Kana also knew my name. Arja also indirectly confirmed that her looks weren’t stolen — by pure coincidence, she had the same face as my sister. And for some reason, she had acquired the knowledge about me. Everything could have just been a ruse set up by her, so that I’d lose my trust in the others! Yeah, that would be it! There was no way I’d fall for that!

However, at that moment, I heard a sigh.

“Hah… are you even looking at yourself, kid?”

What did he mean by that? Why would I be looking at myself? I…

“Now everything makes sense. I offered the information that might involve your sister, and what is your reaction? Slap my hand away, immediately refuse, and have that stupid grin on your face? You’re even drooling; how unsightly.”

“... Huh?”

What was he on about? I wasn’t smiling! I was certainly not drooling! This? This was just water from the rain! Yeah, some of it hung on the corner of my mouth! There was no drool here!

“No wonder your transformation came undone…” on the other side, Duna still shook his head. “Kid, do you even want to find your sister?”

“Don’t bullshit me! Finding Reiko has been the only thing I have ever wanted to do!”

“Listen to yourself, kid,” the man, on the other hand, was unrelenting. “What did you even do in your life before her disappearance?”

“I… Huh?”

Why? Why couldn’t I answer that question? I had a life, that’s obviously true! I had a life that didn’t involve Reiko! But when she disappeared… Ever since she disappeared…

“Shut up… Shut up!” I shouted.

“It’s funny, really… You’re a walking contradiction, kid,” the man continued to shake his head in disappointment. “You said all you wanted to do was to find your sister. You couldn't even answer your own life without her. And yet, shouldn’t you prioritize any information you can get with her, at any cost?”

“I said shut up!” I rushed forward. I didn’t care if I wasn’t in my armor. All I could see was the color red from his future bleeding wound.

But I was a fool. Without my armor, I stood no chance — sly as he might be, Duna was still someone who got to the position of General in this army. I was flung away by a swift kick to my torso, sliding off the damp sand.

“Do you know why your transformation became undone, kid?”

“What do you know? Unleash!”

I could transform back any time I wanted! Arja had said it himself, as long as a desire ran in my heart, I could keep it running forever!

“... Huh?”

Why? Why wouldn’t it work? It couldn’t be! I knew that my desire was still there! I had never stopped finding Reiko! I…

No, it didn’t need to be the case.

“Look at your face,” Duna let out a sigh. “I bet you thought that you could just fuel the Stigma with a different desire, right?”

“...”

“That’s where you failed, kid. A desire isn’t so simple as something you can ‘switch off’. Those that you’ve been mistaking for desires are impulses. And an impulse to feed for a Stigma might be grand depending on the situation, but it’s ultimately fleeting. Look at you now; that’s your biggest proof.”

Fleeting? Did he just say… Fleeting?

“... You know what, I’m not even taking you away. As you are right now, you’re useless to everyone. Not to the guys fighting with you; not to me; not even to Indra who wants you dead.”

Clapping his hands together and letting out a whistle, Duna called out:

“Alright, that’s a wrap for today! All of you, get back!”

And just like that, all the monsters fighting had returned to his side. With a flash of thunder, they had all disappeared from the battlefield. But not before the man sending out one last mocking line for me:

“If you ever change your mind, I’ll be waiting here in three days.”

“Hey! Duna, wait!” From afar, I could hear Arja’s voice. I could see his figure standing before me, cursing out some words. But at this point, I didn’t really care what they were anymore.

My desires… they were fake? Borrowed? Impulses, he said?

I gritted my teeth. My claws dug into my flesh, dripping blood from my hand to the ground.

“Don’t screw with me! Come back here! Dunaaaaaaa!”