Paradigms

it wasn't right

she wasn't right

she was wrong

she was evil

she was worthless

These thoughts had followed Lily after the fight in the sanctuary and had disturbed her so much that she had not eaten or slept, her emotional distress deepening into a feverish waking dream as her body weakened.

Shiro had been nice to her, given her more say and agency than anyone else ever.

Shiro had fought the Knight Commander of the Holy Kingdom, a man who was sworn to protect its people and uphold the teachings of the Saint.

The Knight Commander who had his chest wrapped under his armor.

Had Shiro lied? Was every nice word he said to her, at best, the words of an ignorant sinner that the Saint was using to test her, or at worst the conniving whispers a demon made flesh?

She loved Shiro, Shiro did not love her.

Lily's mind and heart continued to spiral taking her body with it.

Every kind word was suspect, every abuse deserved.

She hated it, she hated herself, but the hate was better than the alternative.

Better than the idea that everything she had been taught by those who were supposed to care for her was the lie. That would be harder to bear than lies from someone she barely knew.

Her mind latched onto that fact, though of course she would not be able to articulate what happened for a long time, if she could not trust herself she could trust those who she was supposed to.

Her Father,

The priests of the Saint,

The Holy book,

Shiro may be a nice man but he is still apostate, and she would not be able to be purified if she stayed with him.

Her mind arriving at a fragile balance the fever broke and the elven healers breathed a sigh of relief.

When she opened her eyes next, Shiro stood there beaming at her with more peace and confidence than she had ever known from him.

"Would you like to take a walk?"

***

The goblin poked the sodden lump that had washed ashore, trying to determine what manner of thing it was. The Goblin's father had told her tales from his trips to the ocean, of strange creatures pulled from the darkness of the ocean where bones were not useful, and she wondered if she witnessed such a thing now though many weeks by foot from the ocean.

On the third poke the bundle stirred and a hand whipped out of the sodden mass catching her walking stick. With a shriek she abandoned her walking stick and fled, her only thought to tell big sister that there was a monster by the river.

***

Charlie Wildingmonte rose from the river bank, leaning heavily on the stolen walking stick that came to crutch length on her, dripped for a moment.

What had happened? Hazy memories, of falling, tumbling, gasping for air mixed with hallucinations of deep water monsters.

Then HIS face flashed in her mind and it came back to her.

The doomed mission to Championhold, the supposed hero's treason, the exposure of her secret.

If, as it appeared, she had fallen into the Champion's lake then that meant there was a high chance she had washed ashore somewhere on the river that comprised the Holy Kingdom's northern border.

Charlie turned and started walking down river, unaware among myriad of hurts of the faint purple glow under her left shoulder blade.

Wary Goblin eyes glistened in the moonlight.

***

Ezma, Shiro and Lily stood on a terrace high among the boughs of the Championhold tree, Lily barely being healed leaned heavily on the railing. She had resolved to learn as much as she could of the Shiro's plans before she left so as to maybe begin undoing his corrupting influence, though given her weakened state it was not like she had much of a choice.

Lily could also not take her eyes off him, she told herself that it was because she was making sure that he had not determined her intent and not because the dappled moonlight played across his face just so as he timidly tucked a windblown lock of hair behind his ear, she had not realized how long it had been since anyone in the group had gotten a haircut.

Shiro began to speak, as if telling a story that he had heard long ago but had stayed in his heart all this time. Ezma nodded in approval, professionally he told it well, personally her heart ached for whoever the subject of the story was.

He told the tale, of a girl long ago and far away.

Whose parents had been so desperate for a their first born to be a son that they lied to the village elders. They raised her as a boy, and shamed her when she was not, when they caught her with dolls, or skirt hidden in the wardrobe, or when the first period started and she came crying and scared.

They pushed her and she learned, that her only worth was what she did, the grades she brought home and the prizes she won, and the honor she brought to the family by being not just a boy but a manly man.

They said nothing when she fell in love with girls, why would they? She was a boy, yet romance was forbidden, for that would take time away from studies and hurt his, her, their dream of getting into a top university, to run a top company, to run the country, to run the world. The ambitions of the parents all consuming and ever growing, yet for them out of reach save through their creation.

So to another city the child went, to study and learn, to study and learn what was expected of them.

Then it ended

a road, a crossing,

A truck, a carriage,

A healer, a death,

A new life, the same burden.

Reincarnated in the body the parents wanted.

"This is my story, and you two are the first to know.' Shiro said at the end of the tale 'Lily you have helped me learn so much about this world and I am forever grateful. I would like to return the love you expressed to me, but only as I truly am and I do not want to press it on you, and I do not know if you like girls like that."

He, no she, turns next to Ezma "You have helped me sort through truth and falsehood and I think I love you too."

Shiro looks at both of them "I think Ezma you love Lily with all your heart as I do?' phrased as a question she waits for Ezma's response

"Yes Shiro I do love her if she would have me." Ezma replies with joy in her heart

Shiro nods in acknowledgement before continuing "I don't know what the traditions of this world approve of, and I don't yet know how you both would feel about forming some sort of mutual romantic relationship among the three of us. I do know that it would all be new to me but worth the effort to make it work, and that this is all a lot to take in so we should take all the time we need to sort through it."

Lily had been silent for the entire story, now she spoke through emotion strained voice "I think I should go to bed, thank you for all this. Goodnight."

Shiro nodded, saddened by her reaction but still counting it as better than expected. She went to help Lily to her room, only for her to shy away from Shiro's touch.

"I can make it just fine on my own thank you." Lily says before tottering down the steps and out of sight.

Shiro sighs, Ezma reaches out taking her hand and asks "Would you tell me about the things that brought you joy in your world?" With a smile they talk until the moon sets.

***

All Lily left behind was a note.