Guilt

Edward sat on a bench, waiting for the train to arrive. He had nothing on him except his wallet and the black suit he was wearing. When he bought the ticket, he didn’t much care where the train was going or what time it arrived. So now he was forced to wait, thinking.

He thought about how unfair life could be. He had all these expectations and hopes. Even so, he couldn’t get angry. There was no one was to blame. He had no one to throw harsh words or clenched fists at. He had no one to curse; no one to wish a horrible fate or terrible accident on.

Before, he had been too busy to think about it. There where calls to make, repeating the same painful conversation mixed with tears and awkward condolences. He had to contact the school and nursery to explain why Thomas and Claire wouldn’t be coming in for the next few weeks. He had flowers to arrange, invites to send and old clothes to sort through.

Then the day came and all the distractions fell away. There was just pity, grief and those suffocating memories. His home was full of dozens of familiar faces distorted, speaking empty, cliched words. Eventually, he couldn’t stomach any more, so he made some half-arsed excuse, left his kids with his mum, and walked out.

Was he ever cut out to be a father, Edward asked himself. He was vaguely aware that he wanted children, but it was never more than a feeling. Somebody else would be better off looking after them. His mum was getting older, but she raised him and his younger sister. Sure she had dad then, but he worked long hours. Much of the time it had just been the three of them.

Except there was a large age gap between Edward and his sister. Edward used to do a lot to help his mum and not just playing with Sophie. Anything from cleaning to even helping with the cooking. He wasn't much older than Thomas when he started helping out. Life likes cycles, it seems.

Edward thought about his own dad. He often had to work away from home and could be away for a few days, even weeks sometimes. Yet, when he came back home he always brought a new toy and some sweets from whatever country he had been to. When he retired, he would come to Edward and Amy’s house almost every day. He would play hide and seek withThomas, despite his back, or sing terrible children’s songs and nursey rhymes. Edward was glad he had gotten to meet Claire before he passed away.

Every day after his dad’s funeral, Edward would go see his mum, but she would say, ‘don’t worry about me,’ as she pottered around the house. Soon after she was looking after the kids more and more after Amy’s diagnosis. Edward wondered how she could have done it all.

He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands. His legs started to shake. In one fluid movement, he stood up from the bench and headed back to the ticket office.

*

Edward opened his eyes. He didn’t recognise the bed, the sheets or the expansive wardrobe in front of him. He had done everything he could to avoid thinking about that day at the train station. So why think about it now? He shivered as he wrapped himself tighter in the blankets. All he wanted was to go home, but he didn’t know how.

As he lay there, blue fingers spread out from his bed, covering the furniture and walls in fine crystals. His breath let out whisps of white that quickly faded. Edward watched as the ice spread to the ceiling’s wooden beams. Small icicles grew in his hair and on his eyelashes. Soon a chilling mist filled the room just like the fog filling his mind.

The room started to groan. Wood cracked and splintered. Edward could feel the skin on his face contract. He tried to force himself up onto his feet, despite the grogginess, but collapsed onto his knees. A loud crash came from the wardrobe as Edward watched it crumble into fragments.

Steps outside came running. Kira threw open the door calling out Edward’s name. Edward’s skin had turned blue from the frost. She ran forward, scooping Edward up in her arms and carrying him out of the room.

She laid him down gently on her bed. Edward tried to speak but couldn’t control the shaking. Kira tore off his clothes and wrapped him up in her blankets.

A red glow came from Kira’s hand as she gently heated the air around Edward. ‘You fool; why didn’t you call me? Stay still while I try to warm you up.’

*

‘The room’s still covered in ice? And you say it was over an hour ago? The magic should have faded by now.’

‘It should have. I opened all the windows to let in the warm air, but it still hasn’t thawed.’ Kira said.

‘Remarkable. Where’s the patient now?’

‘This way Mother Healer.’

Edward was still wrapped up on Kira’s bed. The ice was all gone and his skin had returned to its normal colour. He stirred as the two entered the room and tried to sit up.

‘Stay still, Edward, you shouldn’t move.’ Kira complained, gently helping him back down again. ‘This is Mother Healer Lenswythe. The finest healer in the capital and the entireImperium.’

The Mother Healer, an older woman in her 60s, placed a hand on Edward’s forehead and chest with her eyes closed. After a few seconds she unfastened a pouch from her belt, one of many, and handed it over to Kira.

‘His body temperature has returned to normal, and there doesn’t look to be any serious harm.’ She gestured to the pouch in Kira’s hand. 'Those herbs should help to calm him a bit.’

Lenswythe adjusted her loose dress as she sit down, waiting for Kira to finish translating. ‘The herbs are just a stop gap. Either he needs to have his magic suppressed or he needs to get control and quickly. Otherwise this will happen again.’

‘Why is this happening to him?’ Kira asked.

‘Simple. He has too much power, can use it freely and has no control.’ Lenswythe explained, ‘It’s as though he is a master sailmaker that has spun and weaved and magnificent sail, but it’s too big for his ship. What’s worse he has no idea how to use it and is being blown along at the mercy of the wind.’

‘Have you seen anything like this before?’

‘Ice magic, shadow magic and fire magic that we know of; all within a day or arriving? No one has seen this before.’

Kira listened intently as the Mother Healer set out how to use the herbs, the dosage and frequency of use. She prepared a cup as she spoke to Edward about everything Lenswythe had told her.

As Lenswythe made to leave, Kira asked her, ‘After a bit of rest, will he be ok to move about a bit?’

‘I wouldn’t advise it. He should rest for another day, and you should do everything you can to keep him warm. He has already missed the royal audience; where else does he need to be?’

‘We were supposed to meet with Adlerman Atlestan later.’ Kira explained.

The Mother Healer stopped for a moment before turning and saying, ‘In that case, it would probably be more dangerous to miss the meeting.’

‘I thought you might say that.’