Not of earth

My first night started cold, fearful and crying.

I don’t remember how long I stayed huddled over my failed fire, crying and quietly sobbing. I was beginning to shiver soon after darkness fell over the land completely. The dark silhouettes of the trees around me gave the impression of an audience, all finding comedy in my inability to properly survive.

My thoughts were all over the place. Mostly I was concerned with whatever could be lurking out there, not having any fire to shoo it away. The inability to see my own hands even if I put them right before my face didn’t make it any better. Other than the lack of light, the lack of warmth also took its toll. While I could deal with the shivering, I had done it often enough when we had to save money at home and turned down the heater, but I quickly lost the feeling in my finger- and toe tips. At least losing some of the feeling dampened the pain of my lacerated hand somewhat.

However the worst thing in all of this was the psychological component. I felt like the whole world conspired against me. In some cruel and twisted fate, not unlike the monkey's paw, I was given my wish of not dealing with the crossroads I had to deal with back home. But instead I was given this. I would gladly trade it back and focus on finally finding my job or field of study.

There was also the crushing feeling of defeat, that I failed at the most basic task of surviving. Maybe it wasn’t entirely my fault, the moistened ground certainly not helping, but it still felt like I was not cut out to survive or thrive in any setting, no matter if it was a civilized world or the one I found myself in.

But lastly my thoughts were with my mother back home. I don’t know what happened to me, but seeing as I was still wearing the clothes I had back home I’m guessing I just disappeared from my seat. I don’t want to imagine the disappointment, fear, uncertainty and self-doubt my mother felt. Disappointed in the fact that I chose to run away from my problems, instead of facing them head on. Afraid because she doesn’t know what happened to me, nor does she have any indication where I might have gone, not that I had any such indication myself. Uncertainty because she won’t know if I’ll come back. The same goes for me. I’ll try to get back, somehow, but I don’t know if that is even possible. And lastly self-doubt. I know how my mother is as a person and she’ll most likely fall into some sort of depression herself, always doubting if her choice to give me that ultimatum was the right one.

…

I don’t know how many hours I sat in my little shelter, shivering and crying. However I was stopped by a soft glow slowly flowing between the trees. Slowly looking up, I saw that my surroundings were bathed in a silvery sheen. I couldn’t quite see where it was coming from, but the illumination was enough for me to find my bearings.

As I made my way out of the woods, a wonderful spectacle beset my eyes. A gigantic moon shone upon the land. The light danced upon the windswept grass and flowing water in an amazing display. It seemed as if everything was covered in tiny silvery gems.

I was stunned.

The whole negativity felt until just a moment prior disappeared in an instant and was replaced with awe at what nature was presenting me. I stood there speechless, taking in everything. Then something flew, akin to a bird of prey, silently, across the meadow. Its dark silhouette breaking up the shimmering of the moonlight. It grabbed something and vanished back into the woods.

The stealthed hunter snapped me back to reality. That moon could not be the one of earth. It would never be this large and shine this brightly.

The awe was replaced by terror. If this place was not on earth, then where was I? It made sense. I didn’t notice any of the sounds the animals made, I couldn’t identify any of the plants around me and now this. I was no longer on my own planet.

By some sick twist of fate, my wish to leave my life behind was granted. But I never meant to literally leave my world behind. But the more pressing question right now was: Even if I moved from my spot, was it possible to return to my home?

Before this I was under the impression that I was in some remote place from where I had to follow the river and eventually would end up back in civilization. But that plan was just shattered by a most beautiful sight. Ironic.

Once again, I laid in the grass, not caring about the dew that had settled, or the stains that were added to my clothes. “Maybe”, I thought “Maybe I can return the same way I came. Just try to sleep and imagine being in a different place.” I forcefully closed my eyes, hoping I could fall asleep, to no avail. The dread, the doubts, the fear was all too much to handle. I was tossing and turning, the thoughts whirring all across my head.

I just couldn’t anymore.

I opened my eyes again, looking up to the sky. “Maybe some stargazing will calm me down.” There was basically no light pollution, save for the moonlight. But away from its domineering presence upon the firmament the stars shone brightly, in constellations probably never seen by anyone. “Heh, guess I’ll get to name them”, I chuckled to myself, trying to hold one to a different thought. “Though I’m probably not creative enough to give them good names…”

And so I laid, looking up at the stars, listening to the sounds of running water and the night. What was most surprising was the apparent lack of blood-sucking insects. But a life form like me was probably so foreign to this pristine world that even if they did exist, I’d not be on their meal plan.

The hours passed, in a dry but cool night. My mind slowly repressed the feelings of coldness, them getting pushed to the back of the list of all my worries. My eyes scanned the nightly sky, seeing if there was anything to indicate that I was still in fact on earth. To no effect.

As the dawn started to break, I woke up from my near catatonic state. I needed to do something. There was no help coming, I had to do this on my own.

Some sort of action was needed.