A Citizen's mindset

Lucrezia Iunia Bruta; Somewhere, Somewhen, either by lie or by truth, Guardian of the Senate

What a joke.

“Couldn’t it be something else? Gods have moved people, and maybe they tried to save me for some higher reason, right? Right?” I didn’t like how despaired I sounded.

Nor did I like that Astrarea blessing activated immediately, due to how much I despaired for the truth I was.

“You talk of lands I have never heard, and I have learnt much, young alfar. Not only that, but there are similarities enough that it would not be so strange that it happened. We also have examples in living memories of transmigration.” She dashed away that hope, with the cruelty of the eastern winds.

That’s what I would like to say.

This whole situation, a joke.

Me being helped by a Peregrino who could speak with animals? A joke.

The same Peregrino not giving any kind of care about my station? A joke.

Everything about this was a joke.

The sleeping bear, the Peregrino abilities, that were similar but still different, the Nana hiding behind him, who had a weapon I had never seen.

A joke, a joke, a joke.

Then, out of nowhere, this woman, this old nana, whose staff did not have any kind of material that would lead to Numerology or to deep Blessings, used direct magic.

With nary a word.

So, either I was in the presence of a goddess in disguise, which also lied to me, or it was the truth.

Or it was all a joke by my dying mind, it was all possible after all!

The one I looked up as a father being a Tyrant? Possible!

Me being the leader of a conspiracy, because I was considered honourable enough, and so I had to decide between oaths and family!? Possible!

Hell, if I made the right calculations, I could have killed my father, and now I am here, alone, far from my duties, and have given up family, future and friends for oaths that now do not matter anymore!

It is all so funny!

“Girl. Calm down.” The nana tried to touch me, but my blessings, the only thing remaining, activated, and pushed the hand away.

Which also meant that no, she was no goddess, after all the blessings were activated by me, and did not work against the divine.

Which meant that the joke was going on and on and on!

My life? Useless!
My accomplishments? Gone!

My ancestors are laughing at me, and are shamed!

And the only think I can do is lau-

A rough hand came in front of my eyesight, and snapped its fingers, the sound snapping me out of that vortex, for a moment.

“Good, you are with us again.” His voice is still, and his cold blue eyes glaring into mine, black bags under them: “Now that you have calmed down, I will say that you will still have to wait around a month before your bones are fully set.”

I laughed at that, amusement at their ignorance of-

I stopped immediately.

It was not my world, no? It was rightful ignorance, wasn’t it. This joke.

I clenched my teeth, and calmly answered, or at least I hoped it was calm: “My blessings should help me heal sooner, it should take a week at most, if my previous injuries are of any say.”

That is, if Apollo or his son were here to begin with. My blessings were fine but…muted.

What a joke, what a joke.

I should have understood this before, but the pain, now muted, had blinded me.

What a fool I-

“Stop spiraling, it won’t do anyone good.” The glacial man spoke, his voice ice, while the old Nana got up, her power having already receded.

I, instead, was suddenly absolutely, incredibly, without a shadow or hint of doubt, furious.

“Why did you bring me here?!” I shouted, shaking, moving, trying to get my hands on him, despite them being bound: “Why didn’t you let me die!? I would at least died with my Oaths fulfilled, instead of like this! It would have been honourable, it would have been just!”

That fire burns inside my guts, unextinguishable, unyielding.

I darted my eyes around, from the bear cub who I had to share space with, the now not cowering redheaded huntress, who had been taking me for a fool, to the silver haired matron, who had used her strange, otherworldly magic on me.

To the Peregrino, who was within range of my, still broken, arms!

I couldn’t move them, I could not strangle him for this indignity!

“Why!? Why!?” I felt him trying to keep me down, only for my blessings to become more and more active, a light coming out from the under the bandages while, from the few parts of skin still not covered, many styles of drawings started to show themselves.

From the Greacum to the Punicum to the Iberianum to the Gallianum, many oaths for the many gods of the Pantheon.

But I did not care.

“Calm down, young alfar!” The old matron tried to put her staff on me again, but I just moved and twisted around, trying to get those bandages and those people away from me, making the old matron stumble on the chair, stunned.

It would be futile, but I would-

I would-

A rough hand, that rough hand which had been in front of me, barely touched my shoulder, and the Peregrino, or maybe not Peregrino, grasped it, almost gentle, and his eyes almost empathic when he did so.

He did not speak, but I started feeling something like my mother’s warm embrace flow through me.

It was stupid.

It was all stupid, futile, useless.

Just as they came, I felt the blessings bleed out, returning to their dormant state, and I just lied back down, closing my eyes and hoping that it would be just a bad dream.

One when I didn’t have to choose between family and duty and lose both.

If I didn’t have both, if I had shamed my ancestors and my people, what remained of me if not deserved oblivion?

I had given my family for the Urbe, and my future for my oaths.

Now, I had neither.

I let my body relax then, the futility and the tiredness of the last days crashing on me, but not even enough to let me sleep or even rest completely.