KAITO-KYUN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

“I don’t know.” Kaito shook his head. “I’m pretty convinced.”

The tavernkeep was unimpressed. “It’s a scam, kid.”

“A scam?”

“The two are on it. They’ve been huddled in their little corner, discussing it for a while.”

“But…” Kaito stopped. “What do they want to scam? My money?”

The tavernkeep laughed, throaty and deep. “Your token. Don’t you see? They’re both participants, but the lady’s hurt. Sometime after she signed up, she must’ve gotten in a bit of a tuffle. And now, she’s scared of getting into that advanced tournament or whatever you call it.”

Kaito flinched at the word ‘tuffle’. “So their plan was for Filly-san to pretend to buy it, only for me to intervene?”

The old man behind the counter nodded. “Yep. That way, she gets to go to an easier part of the tournament, while saddling someone with her responsibility. She knows she can’t take it. She knows her buddy, the horseman can’t. So, she’ll sic it on someone impersonal. A nice guy. Like you!”

“A nice guy.” Kaito clenched his hand.

One of his harem—the black-haired catgirl shook her head. “That’s so mean of them, nyan! We ought to teach these bastards a lesson! Putting poor Kaito-kyun in a position like that…”

Indignation took the elf girl, too. “That’s right, Kaito-sama! Give them a good talking to!”

The boy said nothing. As his gaze turned upwards with all the tedium of a protagonist in thought, a sort of determination spawned in his eyes. The right sort. As if he were the world’s thirstiest camel, and an oasis had manifested before him.

Jenn entered with Filly in tow. Kaito Takahashi met them with an open hand, and resolve etched in his features.

“I forgive you, Jenn-san! I’ll take the deal! If—if you give me your token, I’ll give you mine! I don’t care that you lied to me. I know you’re scared; I can see it in your eyes. So… as a man, I’ll gladly carry your burden!”

“Wah, Kaito?!” The catgirl called.

“How can I call myself a hero if I’m not willing to step up to the challenge?” He shook his head. “I couldn’t.” He mumbled, looking downward. “I couldn’t. So advanced tournament or not, I can’t let a wounded girl like Jenn-san go into danger!”

Beneath Jenn’s brown, beady eyes came the momentary flicker of something near respect.

By the lapse of a minute, the deal was done. Jenn’s token was with Kaito. And his token was with Jenn’s. The exchange was made. The duo went on their way.

There was a long moment of silence as Kaito sat with his two girls, eyes set on the token, mugs of juice in their hands (he was a good Japanese boy, and he would not drink until he was 21).

Finally, the catgirl stood and tapped the table as she did. “I’m gonna go take a bathroom break, nyan. All this drama is really tight on the bladder… or cloaca, I forgot what cats have.”

“‘Illness reduces man to his basic state: a cloaca in which the chemical processes continue.’” Kaito said, quoting someone yet again. “I think mammals have bladders.”

The catgirl disappeared into the darkness of the night, searching for the bathroom somewhere near. They were built for modern sensibilities, small rooms with floor-dug holes, separated by gender whenever possible. Rather private. Rather lonesome. And rather susceptible to being trapped in, without nary a visitor for quite some time.

“Nya, the hell is this? This place is giving me the creeps.”

The catgirl trudged through a narrow alleyway, tucked between tavern and another stone building. Her clothes were soaked. She hung under the flicker of an iron lantern, itself burning bright blue. Through the rain and dark, she noticed a crooked wooden structure jutting from a crevice; a bathroom, probably.

“Nyan?” Her eyes perked.

It could not have been more than a whimper, the faintest molecule of sound. But she was part cat, and cats did as cat instincts bid. The noise continued. She fondled the handle but found it did not open.

Growing stronger and stronger, the sound became more than a murmur. Almost speech, even. Almost a plea. Almost similar to a certain annoying loli who butted her way into Kaito-kyun’s harem and did nothing but reference meta-humour and swear like a sailor.

Catgirl kicked the door open. Tucked inside was Cerica, bound by rope, and with a middle finger drawn on her face.

A few moments later, Cerica rushed back into the tavern. Her face and hands were red with strain, and she looked pissed. Properly so.

“Kaito!” Her boot hit the floor like a gunshot. Boom. “You cherry-boy, dumbass! What the hell did you do?”

“Umm.” He was befuddled.

“Don’t ‘uhh’ me, cherry-boy!” She stormed closer, fury in her ruby red eyes. “That damn hag tied me up in the bathroom for a reason! I know it! She saw the sensible one and made quick work of her. So spill it, Kaito-tan! What mess did your brainless self let her start, that I would’ve stopped?! What kind of proverbial dumpster got lit up in the ten minutes while I was stuck smelling shit and watching mould grow in a bathroom?!” Cerica gripped Kaito by his very generic dress shirt. “FUCKING TELL MEEEEEEEE!”

Thirty minutes. That was how much time Jenn had until the tournament’s reception opened. It was best to get there early. Deposit the token, and she would be considered a rightful participant. So the sooner she did it, the sooner she could get this over with. And the sooner she could get this over with, the less she’d have to exert her already pained body.

Jenn ran through the streets of Entilla. Rubber soles kissing cobblestone. Breath staggered and weary, heaving with the occasional hit to the ribs.

Patter. Patter. Rain came and scattered.

“No pain, no gain,” she repeated, sounding quite cheerful. “No pain, no gain, haha.”

The scam was simple enough. Jenn and Filly would stage an open-air argument, loud enough for Kaito and the tavern-tenders to overhear. The subject would concern a ‘false token’. Granting access to the supposed ‘advanced tournament’, a super special tier, reserved for super special protagonists, never quite confirmed, and never quite verifiable.

This was the first step.

The next was the tavernkeep. Having saved him from a potential gunshot to the chest, he agreed to play the ‘neutral party’—the voice of reason. With him along, Filly and Jenn’s initial premise would be invalidated, and the tavernkeep would cite Filly and Jenn’s friendship.

To give the story an air of truth, he’d claim that the ‘special token’ exists. But that Jenn wouldn’t be able to compete, you see, because she’d be wounded. Planting the idea that the token would be wasted on her.

Now came the last part. Kaito, under the impression that Jenn just wanted to save her skin, would offer to trade their tokens. This way, Jenn could go into a normal tournament, and Kaito could go to the advanced one—flaunting his protagonism and propensity for facing unknown challenges.

Naturally, the ‘advanced tournament’, as it were, did not exist. And all of this was rather contingent on the fact that no easy source of information was available (no internet), the smart one was missing (Jenn tied the loli up), and Kaito’s natural inclination towards naïveté (he is a generic high school isekai protagonist, after all).

But it worked. By sheer stroke of Kaito-branded naivete, C-tier acting, and luck that a New Yorkyoan coin and Indarian token both had a kimon’d main printed on them, Jenn had acquired her prize and was now well on her way towards salvation.

Jenn exhaled deep, one hand on her forehead, the other on her chest. Her running speed was just short of 80 kilometres an hour, and already, it wore at her heavy. She pulled away her left hand, and took a sheen of sweat with it.

Meet you at the end. Filly had said in a dry, but empathetic whisper. I’m a participant, and there ain’t no in-fightin’ amongst our sort, remember? Signal me when you’re there, and I’ll make sure to say ‘ello.

Jenn darted left, dashing to a cramped alleyway. She inhaled. Arms extended, Jenn jumped on one wall, then the one behind it, rotating to and fro until she reached the top of the stone building.

There was a good view up here. A wide view. The building was only a few storeys tall, but so were all the others. All save for the few important structures, towers, palace, and the like.

“A rooftop chase. How aesthetic.”

Jenn glanced back, face contorted in a wry smile. Kaito and the others could not be seen. But still, she slowed, looked for a while, and made quick, obvious gestures with hand and thumb.

“It can’t be this easy,” she mumbled.

The boy needed to suffer. His harem surpassed in body and mind. To deceive someone was mere foreplay. To break them was the climax. And breaking? That required a good deal of work. A subtle progress. Worn bit by bit with the proverbial hammer, only to be finished with a hammered nail to the very end.

“You really are messed up, nyan.”

By the time Jenn saw her lunge, it was too late. She had come from a gap between two buildings. Hands stretched forth, the catgirl slammed straight into Jenn. They rolled forward, down the terracotta tiles, and to the edge of a roof.

“You weirdo!” The catgirl was on top now. Claws out, she tried to cut Jenn, but was gripped by the wrist.

“Weirdo?” said Jenn, happy. “Is that a compliment? A little bit of edge does wonders for character!”

Jenn punched left, hitting the catgirl in the chin. She drew back, but did not let go, and pushed harder and harder, putting all of her body weight down. The two slid more and more, angled towards an imminent fall.

Then, a tile broke free, loose from rain and disrepair. Then several more. With no ground to leverage, the two were carried downwards and sent spiralling over the roof’s edge.

Jenn’s right arm glowed. She made a last-ditch effort with it and touched the roof.

“Nya, you don’t!”

The catgirl tugged down, bringing the two in a warm embrace. They spun through the air, one on top, then the other.

—Third Reversion: Space-Body Return.

Jenn flew through the air and returned to the roof she had touched. The catgirl was not so lucky. The impact drew blood and spit from her mouth, and she lay there limp for a long second.

Jenn bared her teeth, with a grin so obvious, so malicious, that it could hardly be said to be a grin at all. She gave her opponent a final look and kept running.

“Ignis!”

A shrill voice came from behind, followed by the low murmur of wind, and the hiss of flame.

“Ignis?” Jenn shot a look behind. Three bolts of flame followed her.

She jumped. It formed a downward arc, and Jenn landed on a stone platform. A roofed terrace, connected to a residential building. The three bolts collided against its roof and sizzled out. Jenn slid under a laundry line.

“How can you do this to poor Kaito-kyun?”