Sanity

“Now then.”, Gardenia speaks only a moment after Arlene has left the cubicle sized office, “As for your punishments.” Her gaze lands upon me and feels as though she can see my very soul. “You are not allowed outside.”, the mother says. Gardenia’s gaze moves to Zinna before she continues, “Could you please go tell Viola and Fran? And no need to come back, we shouldn’t leave only two caretakers with all those kids for too long.”

“Of course.”, Zinna says with a small curtsy before leaving the room. Now it felt almost breathable in here with only three of us. Gardenia’s parental gaze lands on me once again. It feels like a disappointed mother’s.

“In addition, you will be sharing a room with Dandelion.”, Gardenia continues.

“What!?”, Dandelion interjects before I can. “Why me?”, She questions clearly irritated.

“As you know-”, Gardenia explains, “I was in favor but still hesitant about you teaching her magic. So you now have to take responsibility for it.”

“All I taught her was how to heal wounds and make things glow!”, Dandelion exclaims trying to defend herself. Too bad for the younger woman that the mother is correct. When you teach someone you become partly responsible for them.

“Lydia has clearly taken a liking to you.”, Gardenia begins with a frown of disappointment. The mother clarifies, “You are a caretaker and a teacher. The actions of the student reflect on the teacher as well.” The young adult looks at the ground with a frown in recognition. “So she will stay under your watch until further notice.”, The older woman finishes firmly. I feel like saying something but I learned from all those years in an office, keep your head down and the punishment will be less. Gardenia’s commanding gaze returns to me before she adds, “I will be taking that necklace of yours as well.”

-- -- --

I stare at the ceiling as I lay on my new bed. The ceiling was the same as the others, this room was definitely colder though.

“Alright kid.”, Dandelion huffs. And just like that all the effort over literal years I put in to get into this girl’s good graces are gone. “I have to talk with the other caretakers, but get some sleep.”, She more so orders me than clarifies. She mutters as she walks out and closes the door, “I have to be punished for a kid’s bad behavior.”

“Rude.”, I say to myself in the small room. While it might be cramped, it is definitely more spacious than the room us kids sleep in. “Us?”, I ask myself. I suppose I am one kind of. How long have I thought of myself as one of them though? “Why do I even care really?”, I mutter as I close my eyes.

Despite the order given to me from Dandelion, I instead try to focus my mind. Having nothing else to really do for a few years now I actually learned how to meditate properly. I close my eyes and rest my hands on my budding chest. I push away the thought about myself having boobs and think about a ball of air in my open palms.

-- -- --

“Lydia, get up.”, Dandelion’s voice is barely audible to me as she shakes me awake. When did I fall asleep? “It’s time to get to the kitchen.”, The caretaker explains with a voice of annoyance. Normally I am fine and up usually before the woman lately. Could it be whatever happened to me yesterday took a lot of energy out of me?

-- -- --

The moon and stars shine through the window of the cold room as Dandelion and I lay in our separate beds.

“Can people be driven mad with magic?”, I inquire to my magic mentor as I turn in bed and look at her. A moment of silence that feels like an eternity lingers between us before the woman finally speaks.

“Sure, but it’s pretty difficult to do.”, She answers rather bluntly. She turns in her bed and meets my gaze, the moon light barely illuminating her face. “Is that what you think happened to you last week?”, She asks. “Because if it is. I can tell you that no one within ten erones can do that.”, She adds before I can answer making it clear the question was rhetorical. She lays onto her back once again before continuing, “It takes not only specific affinities but a lot of potential with those affinities to hope to effect something so complex as a person’s mind.” She sighs before she adds, “So no, I don’t think someone altered your mind to make you go crazy enough to almost kill Darren.” I cannot tell if she is trying to comfort me, or herself with that explanation. Maybe both?

“How are Darren and the others?”, I ask slowly, trying to collect myself. Dandelion takes a deep breath in and out before she answers as if she is about to share company secrets with a drinking buddy.

“Cosmos and Quince have already recovered. They were just shaken up a little bit.”, The woman answers. “Darren will also recover, eventually.”, She finishes. “Well physically at least.”, She adds before turning in bed, her back now facing me.

-- -- --

I slip away from the others and caretakers and step into the infirmary. A rather large room with only several beds greets my vision. So this is where else the square footage went. I shake my head, stopping myself from getting lost in thought about this dilapidated building for the umpteenth time. I walk over to the one occupied bed.

I stop at the side of Darren’s unconscious body lying in the bed. Dandelion was correct, he looks better than he did.

“I-”, I stammer. I kneel next to the bed and clear my throat before I finally continue, “I’m so sorry.” My vision blurs from tears as I plead, “I don’t know what happened to me. If you hadn’t tried to agitate me this wouldn’t have happened.” I take a breath to collect myself. That is not true, why blame the victim? “No, it’s not your fault at all.”, I berate myself aloud. “I’m not a child like you. I need to take responsibility.”, I explain to no one as I wipe my eyes. “You may have started the altercation but I escalated it and nearly killed you because of it.”, I wrap my hand around his, it nearly engulfs my small hands. I just let my tears flow in silence.

“I figured as much.”, Viola’s grandmotherly voice breaks the silence. I turn around to look at the elderly woman standing in the doorway. “I only heard the end of it.”, She answers before I can ask the question. A quietness fills the room as Viola slowly walks over to Darren’s unconscious body. “I didn’t see the aftermath like the youngsters but I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t have done this without a reason.”, The elderly caretaker says finally filling the silence.

“Wouldn’t Dandelion know me better?”, I ask the woman as she sits Darren up and slowly brings a cup of water to his lips. “She has spent more time with me after all.”, I add.

“While that’s true, she’s still a youngster.”, Viola answers as she finishes giving the boy water. She lays Darren back down slowly as she continues, “And clearly has something against you still.”

“She has something against me?”, I inquire as Viola slowly lowers herself to the empty bed on the opposite of Darren.

“I thought that was obvious.”, Viola laughs, “The girl’s had a stick up her ass since before you got here.” The choice of words was concerning. I have not told anyone about being from another world because I doubt any of them would believe me. How would she have known I have only been here for four years?

“She started working here when she was like my age?”, I lie. Viola’s gaze meets mine. Or rather past mine, as if she can see my soul. The old woman lets out a cackle.

“No, no.”, Viola answers between laughs, “She only started six years ago.” The elderly caretaker collects herself before adding somberly, “You get lots of things mixed up as you get older.”