Prop Gathering (3)

“I can’t be that bad,” I emphasized to Elvira. True, my slashes were imitations of video game characters rather than real people. After all, in my world, swords couldn’t win against guns, much less spells. However, I still believed their moves were somewhat accurate. Each slash brought more fluidity to my stilted body, and with it, a greater sense of accomplishment. What did it matter that I rarely exercised and had no idea how to wield a weapon?

“Well, you’re only the second worst wielder I’ve seen."

…you know, I think she’s trying to play me for a fool again.

“Don’t believe me?” Elvira raised her eyebrow as if to indicate how stupid I was.

“Well…” yeah, obviously.

Elvira raised her shoulders, acting as though she couldn’t cure stupidity through words alone. “Let’s try this then. Wait here a moment.” Elvira quickly bounded down the stairs before coming back up with two straw dummies attached to wooden poles under her arms. Placing them in front of me, she said, “Now, go ahead and cut one of its arms off.”

…wait, hold on. “What did you just say?”

“Use your dagger to cut off one of its arms.”

I looked at the dagger for a moment before holding it up. “...with this?”

“I just said that.”

I looked back at the dagger, then the straw dummy, and finally at Elvira. “You’re insane. You do realize how insane that is, right?”

Sure, the dagger was longer than the width of the dummy’s arm, but there was no way I could put enough force to cut through. At least swords were long and heavy enough to take advantage of leverage and gravity. How was I supposed to do that with a small, light dagger?

“Like this,” Elvira forcibly ripped the weapon out of my hand, and in one smooth motion, brought it down behind her on the dummy’s arm. With ease, the dagger ripped straight through, cutting the straw nearly clean.

“...what?” It took my mind a moment to catch up, and I still wasn’t sure what had just happened. I saw her arm move down and that was it. It didn’t look any different from mine. At the same time, something seemed off, staring me straight in the face, but I couldn’t quite place my finger on what.

“Now you try.” She tossed the dagger back to me, which I promptly dodged. It fell to the ground with a light thump.

“...seriously?”

“I’m not just going to catch a sharp, flying object!?! That could kill me!”

Wait, no, I need to calm down. I can’t let myself get riled up by a crazy wo– er… ma– … person. I picked up the dagger and took a few deep breaths before facing the straw dummy.. I lined up the blade with its other arm, bringing it down slowly at first to make sure I would hit. Then, with a quick inhale, I slashed…

“...huh?”

…and the dagger bounced off, only breaking a few stalks.

“Pfft,” Elvira let out a little chuckle. I could feel the blood rushing to my head.

I once again brought the blade up and swung…

…and only broke a few more.

Even as I hacked, the most I could manage was three or four stalks before being deflected. In the end, it took more than a hundred swings to finally separate the arm from the rest of its body. I heaved at the sight of my hollow victory. Actually, scratch that. It’s not even worth calling a victory.

“...give me a different dagger.”

“You know it’s not going to make a–”

“Just give me another!” I cried out. I wasn’t even sure why.

“But you do, don’t you?” the familiar voice echoed right next to my ear.

“...” Elvira let out another sigh before picking out another dagger. However, this one was the same. It didn’t matter whether it was lighter, heavier, longer, or shorter. No matter what dagger I swung, they wouldn’t cut through the straw dummy.

“Why…?” I couldn’t help but collapse to the ground. Sure, I knew I was weak, but I never thought I was this pitiful.

“Didn’t I tell you already? You don’t know how to wield a dagger. The best you can do right now is a simple thrust.”

“Thrust?”

“Yeah, like this,” Elvira pulled back her right arm, twisting her shoulders. Then, in one step, she threw her arm forward in a straight line, as though running the blade through her target. I thought I felt a brief shockwave, though I probably imagined it.

“Come on, your turn,” with one jerk, she pulled me onto my feet, placing the dagger in my hand this time. I tried to copy her movements, thrusting–

“Use your body to put more force behind it!

“Never let go of the hilt!

“Don’t let your hand waver. Keep it steady.

With each attempt, Elvira pointed out my mistakes, yelling them straight into my ear. It was aggravating, sure, but annoyingly, I could feel myself getting better. I didn’t understand why; I just knew.

Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes turned into hours. My arms grew more sore, barely hanging in there due to yesterday’s egg cracking. But eventually, after who knew how long…

“Eh, good enough.” My thrust had met the bare minimum to be considered a ‘thrust’.

“Could you… at least be… a little more supportive…” I gasped through my brief exhaustion. I would say I felt good, but after all those cockily smug remarks, I was left more irritated than happy.

Especially with that frustrating head tilt, implying a ‘Who me?’

“Whatever, I’ll take this dagger.” I chose the one I held, mainly because I had been practicing with it this whole time.

“Of course, can I see your id?”

“...huh?” What did she just say?

“Your id. You can’t purchase a weapon without one.”

“...I. don’t. have. one.” I was pretty sure Elvira had to know. Not that I was from another world, but at least that I was an illegal.

“Oh my. What a shame,” she fake-cried. “You probably just left it at home. There’s no way an illegal would come to request a dangerous weapon from an above-board business like us.”

I know I’ll just hurt myself, but man, do I want to sock her straight in the face.

“What to do. I need to record anyone who buys a weapon,” she seemed to ponder, though it was all an act. “I know! You can just have the leftovers! We’re going to throw them out anyway.”

Out of nowhere, Elvira handed me a relatively heavy bag. I accepted out of sheer bewilderment, and by the time I snapped out of it, I was already on the first floor.

“As for the cost, hmm, a little under two thousand reales should do!” And now, she had somehow swiped all the profits I made from today’s show.

“Buh bye now!” With that, she slammed the door shut, leaving me encased in the smog.

…

…

…

I’ve been had!