As A Teacher

Ayase Yui’s eyes expanded as she received her English mock test result. She stood still in front of Mayuka while her gaze fixed on the test paper in her hands. Her bewilderment amused other classmates of hers. Although the students came from different middle schools and socioeconomic statuses, they were willing to accept each other. They seemed comfortable despite having their sub-circles that were strongly based on which school they attended.

“Ayase couldn’t believe that she passed,” one of the boys teased her and others responded with gleeful laughter. Yui shot a dead glare at him and immediately giggled. She thanked Mayuka and kissed the test paper. Yui managed to score 75%, a tremendous improvement. As the young girl returned to her seat, Ibuki Akari and Yukimura Hana welcomed her with a warm hug and congratulated their friend.

Meanwhile, Mayuka gazed at every student in front of her. There were only 15 of them yet she saw colourful personalities. Perhaps a hundred different colours. It was not effortless to reach this far. These joyful young souls started as awkward strangers who either came here to improve their grades or were forced by their parents. Now, they could tease each other like close friends. 

Yet behind those mirthful smiles hid turbulent emotions and battles between becoming the version of themselves that they imagined or fulfilling expectations from important people around them. 

Mayuka did not want to be a catalyst towards a right or wrong decision because she was aware that right and wrong were strongly a perception. Worse, it could be from her acumen.

Mayuka recalled that she set up a consultation session with the three girls a fortnight ago. Ayase Yui refused without batting an eye, and said she had other summer activities to catch up. When Mayuka convinced Ayase Yui that she wanted to help her find out the best way for herself, Yui casually replied that Mayuka had done enough. She understood everything that Mayuka had taught but it was a path she chose. 

A choice of failure. It startled Mayuka and she was not prepared to face a cold response from a teenager.

However, in the upcoming week, during one of the lessons, Yui stayed after Mayuka dismissed the class. The young girl’s face was in distress and Mayuka inquired whether Yui needed a listener. She did not refuse her teacher’s offer and poured her heart out. 

Yui told her how she was always the ‘loser’ compared to her prodigious sister who was obedient, a genius in both academics and violin. While Ayase Yui could not even pass the elementary piano test and was still stuck at the beginner level for years. She mentioned the archery club in school that she cherished wholeheartedly.

“I’m finally good at something, Sensei,” Yui said with a voice full of misery. “But they just don’t understand!”

The class had ended fifteen minutes ago and other teachers were busy completing their reflections for today’s lessons while planning for the next class. Some were bustling at the staff room while the rest went to the third floor where the pantry and photocopy room were. While Mayuka was having a heart-to-heart talk with her troubled student in the class.

Mayuka heaved a long sigh. “I agree,” she said and looked down at her sneakers. It was a couple sneakers; Ryu bought the female pair for her and Mayuka simply favoured the soft brown colour. “I agree that your parents are not being understandable, Ayase. Do you want me to talk and convince them in any way?” Happiness gleamed in Ayase’s monolid eyes. It seemed as if she had been waiting for this moment her entire life. “However,” Mayuka continued, “This is a negotiation. You can’t always do ALL the things that you like. You might need to do something you dislike first.”

For instance, scoring well for all subjects on the second mock test.

Deep down, Mayuka admitted that she was content with Yui’s achievement but she believed that Yui did not change because of her. She was assured that her student had met the dead-end; not holding the bow and arrows was liquidating her confidence, and provoking the parents did not seem to mow an easier path for her. Yui wanted to give up but she did not know how. 

So, we need to give in, Ayase, Mayuka whispered. The thought of meeting Yui’s parents later thrilled her but right now, she shall focus on the lesson and the unstoppable chatter from the students.

Mayuka cleared her throat loudly and the students quickly paid attention. She congratulated them and exhibited her gratitude for their excellent improvements with claps. Then, she wrote down ‘Listening Exercise’ on the board and received unpleasant whines from the youngsters.

“You need to listen well and precisely,” Mayuka claimed, “and I’d like you to practise using ‘pardon me', ‘I beg your pardon’, or the easiest one is ‘sorry’ when you cannot hear someone and want them to repeat.” The teacher spun around; her right hand was dancing on the whiteboard as she wrote down the phrases. Then, she faced her students who looked dumbfounded. Some have begun writing down the phrases on their notebooks and tablets.

A student raised her hand and it caught Mayuka’s attention. “Why, Sensei? What did we usually say?”

Mayuka was about to answer when Hana stood up abruptly, causing a little yet loud bang between her chair and the table behind her. “You all said ‘what’ ‘what’ ‘what’ all the time,” Hana imitated them.

“Really?” Another female student interrupted in surprise. “Is that a bad thing?”

Akari raised her hand and nictated her eyes like a puppy at Mayuka, hoping that the teacher allowed her to explain. It did not take much effort for Mayuka to understand and she gave the younger one a nod. Akari rose, “It’s not a bad thing but it could be impolite. Moreover, when we asked them with unsuitable intonation like ‘what????’” Akari demonstrated with a higher pitch that manifested subtle annoyance.

A male student begged to differ and his long hand in the air suggested that he wanted to oppose Akari’s statement. Like Akari, the boy also gave an eager look at Mayuka to let him speak. Mayuka called his name, Mitsue Satoru and he looked very happy. 

“But the ‘what????’ in your context depends heavily on your tone. YOU made it sound like you were irritated with that person.” Satoru shrugged his shoulders.

Some of the students agreed with him but one of the boys, which also belonged to Satoru’s circle of friends, disagreed with him openly. “Ibuki-san is right. When we use ‘what’, it depends heavily on our intonation which could dishearten the receiver if we're not careful with our intonation. Therefore, why not have phrases that surely confirm the politeness and formality when we want someone to repeat what they said,” he glanced at Mayuka. “Right, Sensei? It’s safer that way!”

Gotou Daichi, one of the brightest. Mayuka smiled and nodded. “That's very creative and impressive discussions from y'all.” She glanced at Daichi and Akari. They smiled shyly. “Truly interesting,” she clasped both hands together, “but I’m afraid that I intended to broaden your vocabulary… Which simply means that I’m suggesting other options for you.”

And their laughter burst out.

. . . . .

When the students had emptied the classroom, Mayuka and Yui headed to the guest division where Yui’s parents were waiting for the consultation session. She knocked on the door softly and Keyo’s voice prompted her to enter. Mr. and Mrs. Ayase immediately stood up and bowed politely while murmuring ‘sensei’ to Mayuka. She responded with a bow too and sat in front of them, separated by the table in between.

Mayuka noticed that the mother was holding Yui’s latest mock test result. That must be from Keyo-san, she thought and began searching for the right words to start. Keyo excused himself and left the room.

“Thank you, Sensei,” Mr. Ayase broke the silence, “thank you very much!” He repeated with both palms attached to his lap. He looked grateful to witness Yui’s improvement in all subjects, especially English. “Yui told me that she was inspired by you.”

It startled Mayuka. “As you see, Sensei, Yui is very different from her older sister. Unlike Tomo, Yui is quite… how do I say,” the mother paused and clasped both of her hands, “She’s quite unambitious and rebellious.”

Yui, who was sitting next to her father, lowered her head. It made her reluctant to look at her teacher. She could feel Mayuka’s gaze that fell on her yet she was extremely timorous to lift her head. The room was huge and the air conditioner worked ideally. The switchable glass wall hindered outsiders from descrying their glimpses yet the humiliation strangled her to death.

The father recommenced, “We are worried about her future because she does not show anything promising. But now, we are very thankful to you, Tsukushi Sensei.” He bowed for innumerable times. Sometimes, he, the other time, the mother. “Yui has always failed during her elementary school,” said the father, giving a disappointed and anxious glance at his daughter.

“Stop it,” Yui muttered quietly.

“And we thought she was bored with academics. So, we registered her for a piano lesson,” the father sighed, “But she still cannot do-”

Mayuka ceased the endless dogmatic statements. “Ayase-san,” she spoke up. Yui was surprised and she looked up with an astounded expression. “I believe that it’s perfectly normal to get worried when it comes to our child. As parents, you only want the best for them. I would worry about my child all the time.” Mayuka eyed both of the parents and Mrs. Ayase nodded eagerly. “But we are just adults. We don’t even know what our child is thinking and what’s good or bad for their future. That’s how limited our knowledge is because we are humans. We are not…” Ryu’s worried face flashed into her mind.

Will you be happy if I have defended your dream to be on the baseball school team like this? She wondered.

“We are not God, Ayase-san. We don’t have the superpower to read someone’s mind, someone’s life.” Mayuka’s warm gaze landed on Yui whose eyes trickled endless tears. Her sobs were voiceless. “I'm truly happy to see how much you care about Yui. Yui is indeed a lucky daughter but she is still so young to understand that she’s lucky. She wants to be heard. Less comparison and more forgiveness.”

Slowly, serenity crept in and dispelled the apprehension among them. The parents remained silent but their heads fathomed every word that the teacher said. Forgiveness, that word echoed in their heads. Wants to be heard, the phrase was simple but forgettable.

When Mayuka was ready to end the consultation, and when she assumed that everything was going smoothly, the father derided her.

“Are you questioning our parenting, Sensei?” He scoffed. “To be heard? You don’t even have a child yet! You are barely 25, perhaps younger. How would you know? Why should we listen to her when she never listens to us?!” His voice transcended the smart-glass wall.

It stunned Keyo, who was talking with other male teachers. The indignant hoarse voice halted their conversations. Keyo quickly excused himself and went to the guest room. Without knocking on the door, he barged in. Mr. Ayase was already on his feet, hands in the air as he lashed out his dissatisfaction at the young teacher. Keyo was dumbstruck, and he grabbed the father’s arm. He realised that Yui had begun sobbing audibly, and the mother drowned in embarrassment. She, too, was tearing up.

While Mayuka was blankly inscrutable, there was no trace of violence. It made Keyo more perplexed with the situation. “Tsukushi-san, are you okay? W-what happen-”

“You’re right, Ayase-san,” Mayuka professed calmly, “I don’t have a child yet. I shouldn’t have said that. My bad, I apologise.” She got up and walked out of the room. However, her pace died in front of Ayase Yui. “Conditional love hurts. Be strong, Ayase-san.” Mayuka made her way out and never turned back.