There is Cruelty in Beauty

There was a moment, blissful and short, when I opened my eyes and thought I was home. Thin streaks of light had wormed their way past the curtains, giving just enough light to see general shapes. But the sheets were too smooth, the pillow too soft, the bed too firm. It was also the first time in six years I woke up without my cat, Mochi, sleeping next to me or on top of me.

The thought of my cat wandering around my empty apartment, calling out to me and receiving no answer was enough to bring tears to my eyes. I couldn’t hold them back and I had to force my face into a pillow to muffle my sobs. Her blue eyes, her long white fur, her need to stick to me like velcro haunted me. I’d abandoned her. I’d abandoned everyone. The weight of what I had lost hit me all at once. What would my parents think? My brother? My friends? How much time had passed for them? Had it been years, or just seconds?

My throat ached and my fists hurt from grasping the sheets so hard. All my grief had banished the last crumbs of sleep. It took long minutes, I couldn’t be sure how many, before my tears dried up and I could pull the shattered pieces of myself back together.

The room was too warm, forcing me to push the sheets off myself. I stood, stumbled across the floor, and drew the curtains back, blinking at the sun. The window was positioned on the top floor of a building at least three stories high. A lush forest of pine trees was spread out on all sides. The tip of a distant mountain could just be seen poking out above them. The sky was robin’s egg blue, not a cloud in sight. By how sunny it was, it had to be at least midday. I could make out some wind in the way the trees moved.

The beauty of the day struck me as cruel. I turned away and surveyed my room, or perhaps it would be more appropriate to call it my cell. It was as I recalled the night before, barely any furniture with a bed, a desk, and the unsettling bear rug. The closet lay on the west side of the room and a large door, presumably leading out of the room, was on the south side. Three of the walls were blank, a nondescript white, and the floor was composed of dark wooden planks.

The fourth wall, which I hadn’t seen the night before, was one massive mural. The mural depicted a scene with a dozen or so figures staring down from their seats in the clouds up near the top of the wall. They were richly dressed, clutching fans of gold, hair bound in intricate styles, skin a variety of shades. In the centre of the mural was a person, androgynous in their dress and appearance. Their skin was brown, their eyes dark, their long hair coal black. A silver halo circled their head. The mural’s colours were pale, like they had once been vivid but exposure to the sun had sucked the life out of them.

I didn’t have time to examine the mural further as a loud knock sounded at the door.

“Seer Rin, I am here to assist you in dressing,” a voice called from outside.

I jumped at the sudden sound, before glancing down at myself. Cats in various poses looked up at me. I was tempted to refuse, to force them to leave, but I had no idea the rules and etiquette around this place and this person might be able to answer some questions of mine.

“Come in,” I called.

The door slid open, revealing a young woman. Eighteen maybe, if that. Or else just very youthful looking. She wore a short-sleeved, navy tunic and black pants. Her pale hair was bound up in a high bun and it contrasted against her mahogany skin.

She smiled at me, curtsying the way the Empress had done the previous night. “Good afternoon, my lady. I am Vris. How did you sleep?”

There was a temptation to yell, to scream at this innocent girl until she returned me home. I let it swell then pierced it like a bubble with a sharp poke of reality: there’s no way this random girl would know how to send me home and, even on the off chance she did, there’s no way she would. I was, after all, here to save the world.

“Fine,” I said curtly.

My mood did nothing to dampen her enthusiasm. “You must have so many questions. I know I would, being in your position. Let us begin with getting you dressed and then I can take you to Seeker Len.”

I nodded, and so it began.

Vris pulled out outfit after outfit, showing me how the women of this world tend to dress.

“Do you prefer pants or skirts?” Vris asked as she ran her hands over the dozens of clothing pieces in the closet.

“Pants, please,” I said, relieved that it was an option.

She pulled out six different pairs: white, beige, maroon, jade green, grey, and black. I selected the green ones. Then came the tops. The sight of so many options, sleeves of various lengths, all embroidered with fanciful designs made my eyes cross. I chose a white, three quarter sleeve tunic embroidered with tiny foxes on the cuffs and collar to end the madness. Vris handed me a green robe, the same shade of green as my pants, to put on over my tunic. Layers, it seemed, was the style.

Vris taught me how to dress, the process of which was mercifully uncomplicated. Then came time for my hair.

What I had taken for a desk was, in fact, a vanity. The mirror was in four pieces inside the drawers and Vris assembled it without me needing to ask. They snapped together with ease, leaving no seam behind. I couldn’t help but run my finger over the glass, wincing when I left a smear behind.

“How is that possible?” I asked Vris.

She frowned. “I’m afraid I don’t know how it works. Many mirrors are stored like this.”

I let the issue drop.

I saw myself for the first time in the light of a new world. My tan skin looked wan, purple bags sitting under my eyes like bruises. A rat’s nest would have been more orderly than my black hair and my eyes were bloodshot. I looked like I’d been in a fight and lost.

Vris held up a comb. “Now, please allow me to tidy you up.”