Chapter Seven

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Chapter Seven

Norwegian black metal began to blast from my alarm clock, and my eyes snapped open. Sitting upright like Frankenstein’s monster after being tazed on the butt, I slammed my fist down on the clock over and over until it shut up. I had slept much more soundly than I’d expected. I guess it wasn’t all that surprising, now that I thought about it. I’d burned through an entire puberty’s worth of emotions in, like, forty minutes, and it had left me exhausted enough to sleep for nearly nine hours without dreaming at all.

I paused, looking at my crusty-eyed reflection in the mirror hanging from my wall. What if the reason I hadn’t dreamed was because…

I rolled out of bed and got dressed faster than I ever had before. Throwing open my bedroom door, I sprinted through the hallway where Ethan and Jade were already waiting for me.

“Henry—” Ethan said, but I ran straight past him and took the stairs three at a time.

“Mom?” I yelled. “Dad? Grandpa Te…”

I ran into the living room and saw the broken window and the hole Splatsy had made in the floor. It hadn’t been a dream after all.

Ker-smash!

Don’t worry. That was just the sound of my hopes and dreams shattering on the floor.

“Henry?” Jade asked.

I ignored her too. There was still one thing I needed to check. Going to the front door, I opened it a crack…

“YOU HAVE ACCEPTED—”

I closed the door. Yep, that was still there too.

With my hand still wrapped around the doorknob, my entire body sagged. It suddenly felt like I had spent the night juggling elephants. Jade put her hand on my arm, and I let her lead me into the kitchen, where Ethan was already pouring me a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Cocobutts (with marshmallow turds). I sat down at the table and took a bite, and immediately realized I wasn’t going to be able to eat it. Chocolate Frosted Cocobutts (with marshmallow turds) was the sweetest cereal you could legally buy. Its makers were required by law to classify it as a triple black diamond ultra-sugary substance, which the FDA had previously considered an impossible standard to achieve. Eating more than one bowl a day was considered extremely hazardous to your health, since the sugar would dissolve your teeth like pure acid. I had once seen a fly land in my bowl and take a single lick, only to burst into flames—either that, or it had flown away at the speed of light, and that burst of fire was all it had left behind.

And yet, today, it tasted like a mouthful of sawdust.

“Not hungry,” I mumbled, pushing the bowl away.

Ethan and Jade shared a worried look.

“At least take a couple puffs from your inhaler,” Ethan said, setting it on the table in front of me.

I looked at the little metal tube with its plastic nozzle. Even from here, I could smell the laughter inside. It smelled…wrong. This wasn’t a time for laughter. This was a time for stress, anxiety, and panicking until you pulled your hair out and gave yourself an ugly bald spot. Like a chocolate fountain at a funeral, laughter just wasn’t part of my world right now. Still, he was right. You don’t stop breathing because you can smell a tex mex restaurant after a bad breakup, and I couldn’t afford to go laughter starved when my family’s lives were hanging in the balance. Putting the inhaler in my mouth, I pressed down twice. Power surged through my veins, and I perked up a little. Just a tiny bit, but it did make me feel better.

“So, what are we going to do?” Ethan asked.

“There’s only one thing we can do,” I said softly, putting the inhaler back on the table. “Nobody hates the idea of kowtowing to Ichabod Hench more than I do…”

“You’re doing it for your family,” Jade interjected. “Nobody’s going to judge you for it.”

I looked at my genie friend, but couldn’t bring myself to contradict her. People would judge me for it. Every single innocent person who was added to Ichabod’s ever-growing corpse pile would judge me for it. I would judge myself for it. But as much as it curdled my girdles, I wasn’t going to let that stop me from saving my family.

“Do we have a plan of action, then?” asked Ethan.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. “Whatever it is Ichabod wants us to bring him, we can assume it won’t be something we can just walk up and take. If it was, he would have done it himself. That means we’re going to have to steal it. And if we’re going to steal something, then we need to get a professional’s help.”

“A professional?” Ethan echoed.

Jade nodded. “I agree. You should call him now.”

“Who?” Ethan asked.

I pulled out my phone. “The sneakiest guy I know.”

Ethan’s face paled. “Oh, not that guy!”

I dialed his number and held the phone to my ear.

“Yello?” the familiar, mischievous voice came from the other end.

“Hey, Aesop,” I said, trying to sound as casual as possible. “Feel like skipping school today?”

“Noooo!” Ethan whispered, sliding down in his chair until his head almost disappeared beneath the table. Jade patted his shoulder reassuringly.

Aesop laughed. “As if ye even need t’ ask, lass!”

“Good. Get over to my place as fast as you can. And…”

I glanced at my front door.

“…be ready to steal something.”

— —

About forty minutes later, I was sitting on the couch. The TV was on, playing a rerun of Oops, I Married a Giraffe, but even though my eyes were staring right at it—I don’t think I’d blinked in about ten minutes—I didn’t actually see any of it.

“Honeyyyyy,” I didn’t hear Jeremy Jeroff whine, “your parents filled my underwear drawer with divorce papers again!”

“Henry?” Aesop asked. He waved his hand in front of my face. “Helloooo?”

I blinked, snapping out of my trance, and turned to see Aesop standing beside the couch. His bright red hair, shaved down into a buzz cut, and oversized camo clothes looked oddly colorful considering how dreary the world seemed lately.

“A- Aesop?” I stammered. “When did you get here?”

“About ten minutes ago,” he snapped irritably. “I’ve been knocking nonstop, but you never let me in! I finally came around to your backyard, and I found your window broken, and you sitting here like you’ve been hypnotized by your freaking TV! You want to tell me what’s going on now?”

“You what?” I asked. “I didn’t hear any…oh yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

“What makes sense?”

I stood up and headed for the entryway. “Ethan! Jade! Aesop’s here!”

Ethan’s bedroom door was closed, but I heard something move around frantically for a few seconds before it flew open, and he and Jade hurried downstairs. Ethan’s face looked weirdly red—and was it just me, or was Aesop’s face turning red too?

I decided that I didn’t care.

“Hey, Aesop,” Jade said, offering the leprechaun a smile as she descended the stairs. “I haven’t seen you in a few weeks now. Have you been doing okay?”

Aesop looked at her, then at Ethan. His expression darkened, and he turned away without answering. Jade sighed.

“All right, listen,” I said once everyone was gathered in front of the door. “Yesterday, Ichabod Hench broke into my house and kidnapped my parents and Grandpa Teddy.”

“What?” Aesop exclaimed. “Are you—”

“Yes, I’m fine, but let me finish!” I cut him off. “Ichabod says if I don’t steal something for him in three days, he’ll kill them all! That’s why I need your help. Are you in?”

I expected Aesop to be fully on board the moment he heard the word steal. Instead, to my surprise, he narrowed his eyes at me. “What do you mean that’s why you need me?”

“I don’t…” I stared at him for a few seconds. “What do you mean what do I mean?”

“You only called me here because these two,” he jerked his thumb at Ethan and Jade, “couldn’t steal a free sample without feeling guilty? What am I, your backup friend?”

“Wha—” I shook my head. “Aesop, you’re here because my family is in danger, and I need people I know I can trust!”

He raised his bright red eyebrows. “So, what, you couldn’t trust me back when you were trying to save your brother? Is that it?”

“Are you deaf?” Ethan broke in before I could reply. “You did hear the part where Henry said her family is in danger, didn’t you?”

Aesop scowled, turning to point at him. “I wouldn’t be acting so high and mighty, punk! Or did you think I wouldn’t find out that you were selling me and my da fool’s gold?”

Ethan paled and took a step back.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought!” Aesop spat. “You don’t even want to know what leprechauns do to people who cheat them! The only reason I haven’t brought the sky down on your head is because I don’t want Henry and Jade to get—”

“CAN WE PLEASE,” I screamed, “FOCUS ON WHAT’S IMPORTANT HERE?”

Aesop gave Ethan one last dirty look, then turned back to me.

“All right, fine,” he begrudgingly agreed. “What are we stealing?”

“We don’t know.”

“Who are we stealing it from?”

“We don’t know.”

Aesop narrowed his eyes again. “Do you at least know where it is?”

I reached out and opened the door a crack.

“YOU HAVE ACCEPT—”

“In there,” I said, shutting it again.

Aesop’s eyes went wide. Cocking his head in curiosity, he grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

“YOU HAVE—”

He closed it, giggled like a pyromaniac who had just found a can of gasoline and a book of matches, then opened it again.

“YOU HAVE—”

Slam!

“YOU HAVE—”

Slam!

“YOU—”

Slam!

“YOU—”

Slam!

“YOU—”

Slam!

“Will you please stop that?” Ethan shouted.

“Well, if one thing here is obvious,” Aesop said, grinning, “it’s that they’re expecting you. I say we play along for now, snoop around until we figure out what Ichabod wants us to steal, and then put the rest of the plan together once we have a better idea of what we’re dealing with.”

I nodded. “Makes sense to me.”

“I’m in,” Ethan agreed, making both me and Aesop look at him in surprise.

“I don’t like the idea of stealing,” Jade said softly. “But you three are my best friends in the world. If it helps save Henry’s family, then I’m with you until the end.”

“Well, no use in putting off the inevitable,” Aesop said, turning to me. “And I don’t know about you, but I am positively dying to see what’s behind that door. Open it already!”

When nobody else raised an objection, I stepped over to the front door, wrapped my hand around the knob…

And threw it open.

NEXT CHAPTER 8/27/25