Chapter 7:
Reborn alone in a Pristine World
It was enough to keep going.
I was painfully aware of the possibility of illness, yes. But the water was so delightfully refreshing, that I didn’t mind it. At least for the moment. But I had to continue on.
Back into the forest I went to collect more of the gassing spruce. I also grabbed my rope so I could collect another bundle of sticks. As I entered the forest, being only a few steps in, I heard a new noise which I didn’t pick out in the soundscape before. It was a dreadful growl, stopping me dead in my tracks. I didn’t dare breathe, as to not alert whatever made that sound to my position. Thoughts were racing in my head. I couldn’t figure out where it came from, only knowing that it was somewhere between the trees. I couldn’t figure out how far it was away, since I didn’t know how loud that noise was supposed to be from whatever distance I was at. And, most importantly, I couldn’t figure out if it was directed at me, if the creature just picked up my scent or if it was hunting something else.
Time almost stood as still as I did. I listened carefully if any twigs cracked, leaves rustled. Either there was no movement, or my human senses were not sensitive enough to pick it up. Then, another growl. It was quieter than last time, but I wasn’t sure if it was just the fear and adrenaline playing tricks on me. I once again had to make the decision I was forced to quite often in this new world: To go or to stay.
Only this time I couldn’t rely on random chance, as throwing a rock would surely give away my position to the beast. I had to rely on my own instincts. Which was a problem. I still wasn’t used to forging my own path, much less while confronted with a life-or-death situation. If I were to stay, how long? I don’t know if I’m the creature’s target. If I were to go back out of the forest, how? Should I do it slowly, hoping I don’t get any attention, or quickly, so I’m in the open field faster, where I could more easily judge my options.
I don’t know how much time passed. I didn’t hear another growl or any movement. Not that I could, both my heart, driven by adrenaline, pounding so hard it drowned out the outside sounds and being so intensely focused I was on trying to decide what to do. The option most attractive to me was just lying down, sobbing and hoping my fate would come and claim me. However I was aware that I should probably try and survive. It was just difficult doing so.
Suddenly, as if answering my prayers, my choice was made for me. The riverwater in my intestines made itself known. A grumbling ran through my stomach, alerting whatever was nearby to my presence. I had to run. I broke out into a full sprint, tapping into reserves I didn’t know I had and surprising myself with the speed I could hightail it in these kinds of situations. I almost tripped and fell over my own feet, the green meadow opening up before me like a green embrace. Without looking back I ran to the fireplace, picking up a stick which hadn’t quite burned down as a weapon. Only then did I dare to look back: Nothing.
The adrenaline subsided. The sound of my beating heart quieted down. The exhaustion hit me. I sat down on the edge of my fireplace. While the fight-or-flight response continued to quiet down, the anxiety wouldn’t leave my body. Something was out there. And it sounded very unfriendly and very deadly. I felt confirmed in the fear I had during the first night. I wouldn’t have known if anything stalked me.
I was once again powerless, stripped of the little bit of agency I thought I had developed in this world. Once again left fireless I was beginning to think if maybe this world was just averse to the idea of human progress. After all, I ended up here when I wished all the troubles of the modern earth and its society away. Maybe this wasn’t a reincarnation, but some sort of limbo. I had died on earth and my punishment was to survive in this beautiful yet inhospital place.
My insides churned once again. Who would’ve thought that being in limbo comes with gastro-intestinal distress. I knew that I would regret drinking that water. However sweet the moment of respite it gave me was, the consequences paired with the encounter today were dreadful. I could consider myself happy that in the moment my stomach growled for the first time I didn’t soil myself. The scent would have probably led the animal right to me.
“The scent…”, I thought out loud. I looked down upon my body. My clothes had gotten quite filthy in the last two days, mostly grass stains and dirt that rubbed off of the sticks I had carried. The bigger question “Was the dirt masking my scent? Maybe it didn’t find me that way?” It is a common trope in movies that when something is hunting you, you need to cover yourself in dirt to smell like… well dirt. Sadly I never read up on if that was actually true. For now washing myself and my clothes felt like too much of a bother. After all, the dirt might have saved me today.
“Stuck in limbo with bears chasing me and my stomach feeling like it wants to turn itself inside out. Wonderful.” Complaining out to the heavens. Probably a last ditch effort in most cases. Even so, I found strength in this fact. The heavens took my father from me and were unhappy that it didn’t change something in me, that I just continued going with the flow. They stuck me into this place to force me to do something.
Or so I thought. The spite I felt to whatever entity or phenomenon placed me here was a motivator. I slapped my cheeks. “If anything, I’ll show this world what spite can do! If you place me into limbo, I’ll make the best out of it!” I had never been a very religious person, only tangentially hearing about limbo, purgatory and the likes. But the more I thought about this world, the more everything seemed to fall into place. Regardless of the fact if this was indeed divine punishment for something I had done, or all just conjecture on my part, the thought of going against whatever kept me here gave me back some of my motivation.
I fought on and off with my stomach until the sun eventually began to set. At that time, my stomach problems also calmed down significantly. At first I was relieved. Whatever microbes were here in the water might be new for my immune system, but they aren’t immediately toxic or even deadly. But then another terrifying conclusion came to mind: If this really was limbo, would I even be able to die? Perhaps the same mechanism that brought me here also kept me here, whether I wanted or not. The creature of the woods didn’t come to me not because my scent was masked. My stomach didn’t calm down because whatever was living here wasn’t as dangerous as I expected.
I was being kept here, wasn’t I?
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