Consequences

Three days later, Nia half stumbled along. The rest didn't look that much better either. Their diet continued with strange fruit, some they were lucky to find again, then a few new ones that tasted more like gasoline than something a human could—or should—partake in.

Tina had continued to train her, and some of the others as well. If this would continue for weeks or even months on end, then Nia wasn’t sure if she could continue to defy someone wanting to kill her. This training was torture, absolute torture!

Why did I ask for it, again?

She almost ran into Tina, when the group in front of her suddenly stopped. It took her a moment to realize what was happening. The stinging odor of burnt wood was in the air, and it rose from something in the distance that looked like a village. They approached the scene carefully.

When they came close enough, the mouth-watering smell of cooked flesh joined the fragrances in the air, but their appetite quickly vanished, after seeing its source. Burnt and dead corpses were strewn about, people with weapons lay dead on the dirt road—they had apparently tried to defend against whatever had attacked them. Wooden structures were burned to the ground, the ash was glowing with heat, and small flames was still eating at the remnants of wooden beams. Some houses made of stone looked half-melted.

“I don’t think those were ordinary bandits,” Tina whispered.

Nia felt her chest tightening. The older woman was right, this hadn’t been done by ordinary bandits, this had been done by someone with power. Probably Saesquar or one of her followers. They either wanted to punish someone from the city for defying her, or … send a message to her. She could see the dark goddess in front of her, a frown turning into a smile, and her lips moving while she whispered: “I’m going to get you, one way or another …”

“I know that this is in bad taste,” Ralf said, “but let’s try to find some supplies. We need a good meal, if we want to stay alive.”

The rest nodded, and Nia slowly walked through the ruins, trying to find anything edible that wasn’t burned human flesh. She shook her head. That wasn’t a line anyone of them would ever cross.

She pushed into one of the stone homes, the wooden door protesting against the warped, slightly molten stone frame. She concentrated on her returned magic, but the boost was very minor. It made her wonder, if killing Qiin had severed her connection to Luaria, since he’d been the one that had established it in the first place.

The inside of the house looked as burnt as the outside. A window was completely ruined—someone had probably tossed a fireball in. It would’ve been another point of entry, but if you don’t even think of going around the house, you missed the essentials.

Then Nia noticed the burnt corpse of a child. Everything within her froze. Her stomach rebelled against her leadership and tried to reenact the Boston Tea Party. She ran outside and dry heaved against another stone wall that was still unusually warm.

Maybe … I really made the wrong decision there? she wondered. If this had been Saesquar, and she’d done this just to get back at her … She sank to her knees. Suddenly she felt cold, very cold. Children had died, because of her.

“What is it?” Tom was next to her, carrying some kind of linen bag over his shoulder. It seemed that he was more successful than her.

“I … children …” She gulped and hugged herself harder. “Children have died because of me.”

Tom stared at her silently, then he sighed, murmuring something along the lines of “are you fucking kidding me?” Then he squatted in front of her, and forcefully moved her face, so she had to look at him.

“Why are you blaming yourself for this?”

“I could have gone to her … I could’ve surrendered … Maybe she wouldn't have killed me, and then all this people would live …” In the beginning Saesquar’s advances had seemed to be of a different nature.

Suddenly Tom slapped her. “Are you even listening to yourself?” It hurt and her mind wondered why he was doing this. “We’re talking about someone that wanted to kill all of us out of a whim! Why would it be different for you? What do you think breaking you would entail?” He shook his head. “Saesquar’s the reason we’re even here, in this situation. Without her, we wouldn’t even be in this mess. Don’t let her become the innocent victim in all of this. She’s the one chasing us, she’s the one killing all these people. How can you even start to blame yourself?”

Nia stared at him. He was talking reason to her, into her. Her rational mind was even sure that he was completely right. But her emotional side was still next to the dead child, hearing Saesquar whisper: “That’s your fault …”

“She’s gaslighting you! You're not the one to blame, so push that feeling aside. You should start hating her for what she did!”

“Hate …” Nia whispered the word. Somehow it felt wrong. She knew anger, but right now that flame was buried under all the rubble she saw. “I don’t feel hate,” she admitted. “I am sad, disappointed in her and myself. There is anger deep inside of me,” she admitted, then looked away from him. “But there is no hate. I … can’t even remember if I ever hated someone.” She probably should have, but there was nothing … She’d been bullied in school, and she hated the act, but the person? She didn’t love them, that’s for certain. But after it stopped, she just ignored them. There just hadn’t been any hate … There had been no point. Probably because it just would’ve made things worse or restarted them.

“I see … Slowly I am starting to grasp why they made you into a priestess. You’re one of those idealistic do-gooders, one that can’t see that some people really are scumbags.” He rose and turned away from her. “Like me.” He left her alone, staring after him.

She felt dazed. He was right, absolutely right, but a part of her couldn’t accept it. A part of her still thought that she could’ve prevented this. Maybe if she’d jumped Saesquar more forcefully.

“I think we have everything,” Ralf shouted. Let’s go.

Nia rose and joined the rest, empty-handed. Tina and Tom also had large bags, with Sonja and her having come up empty handed. She tried to ignore the feeling of being a useless fifth wheel. Her tears ignored what she wanted to do and stung in her eyes. Those and the smoke still hanging in the air.

It didn’t take them long to leave the ruins behind, and her with a queasy feeling in her stomach. No one said a word while they walked down the dirt road and past burned fields.

The memory of the child kept haunting her, even into the forest. Although they were far enough away now, the trees hiding them from the harsh accusing sun above.

Then the rest suddenly stopped. Ralf and Tina looked around, and the latter gave them a sign to be quiet.

Before she realized, what was happening, Tom tackled her to the ground, and arrows whizzed past them.

They weren’t alone anymore. And the others hadn’t come for a friendly chat.