Rainy Days and My Ultimate Relief

It was a rainy day. A very rainy day. It was raining like the whole earth was being cleansed by the divine command of the gods.

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Some people may think that I’m exaggerating since it’s always rainy in Osaka during summer, especially in June and July. But, at that time, I felt great relief. I felt like the rain poured on my soul and relieved me of all my stress. I don’t know… I just felt like that. Yeah, like that. I don’t know, but…it was a pleasant moment that doesn’t happen all the time. It was a very pleasant moment, indeed. During that impressive moment, I felt my father's warm hand on my shoulder. Even though his touch was delicate, I felt like it was a tight rope that pulled me towards the world from my dreamland. When I turned towards my dad, I immediately noticed that he was looking at the rainfall like me. His mimics, his attitude were all the same, but something was different. Something…I thought over this ‘something’ in the later stages of my life, and I found out that the difference between our gazes is our mental states. When I was looking through the big window of my room, I ended up thinking about so many things, but my dad was not an idealist, like me, but a realist. Yes, besides, he really hates daydreaming, and his belief is reflected in his eyes, making them quite vague compared to mine.

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He always said that I should quit daydreaming. But when I asked him why, he always replied to my questions with round answers, which made me very annoyed at the time. Despite spending so much time thinking over his sayings, I couldn't find any reason to quit. I know that I can’t live my life by doing nothing in reality, but doesn’t dreaming sometimes heal our souls? I believe it contributes not only to our mental health but also to our physical health, and it actually does.

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As I do research about the effect of daydreaming on our health, I learned a lot. I used to do research about daydreaming, at first, when I came back home from college. At that time, I both wanted to prove to everyone that my beliefs are more than assumptions and learn more about health in general. As I continue my research, I inevitably immerse myself in health articles which are about immune systems, hormones, the endocrine system, the nervous system, oxygen and carbon dioxide transport in the body, etc. After every research I have done, I have found great relief and peace in myself. Inevitably, I started to feel the same feelings that I had on that rainy day I mentioned. Some may say that feeling a pleasant feeling over and over may diminish its effect, but it was the reverse for me. Every day after I finish a health magazine or article, I feel the ‘ultimate relief’ (I don’t know what to call that feeling, so I decided to call it ‘ultimate relief’ since it gives me so much peace and tranquillity).

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There is a famous saying which is, “Nothing good lasts forever,” and I think this is the only sentence I need to use in my situation after my health-knowledge arc. I mentioned that I was at ease with my increasing health knowledge, but this situation changed after my father…It was all because of him. He wanted me to work in a restaurant whose owner is his friend. He said that he wanted me to gain work experience, but I think there was an ulterior motive underlying this desire. I thought that he wanted to take all the time I can use for daydreaming from me in this way. Maybe I was overthinking, but this was the only idea I had in my mind back then.

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Whether he contrived it or not, my first job experience was a complete failure. I’m not exaggerating, but yes, it was an absolute mess. I want to say that my first week or month was pretty good there, but it would be a lie because my time in “Ramen King” (the restaurant I worked in) lasted only three days. Yeah, only three days, but I’m not the one at fault for this miserable situation. The only thing that I wanted to say is that wearing gloves is important while preparing dishes, but he never listened to me. Even once. Every time I mentioned this, he called me “You health maniac! If you want me to wear gloves, then go to another restaurant where you can find people wearing gloves, you idiot!” I was just trying to protect the health of the customers, but I couldn't even maintain my own health and fainted on my final day at work. I was used to my father yelling at me for various things, but being yelled at by a stranger was worse. Really, it was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced, but unfortunately, in every workplace I performed, I ended up being yelled at and fired. I worked at various kinds of shops like bookstores, supermarkets and vet shops. But every time I was fired, I felt even worse than before. As time passed and I lost more jobs, my father started to behave as if I were a failure.

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Why am I treated like a failure or a mistake even though I’m the right one? Why is it always like this? Why...

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When I was about to lose my sanity while thinking about this heartbreaking stuff, I felt that ‘ultimate relief’ and everything changed for me (or I thought it was).

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It was a rainy day. Again. A very rainy day. Again.

I was walking through the streets of my miserable life, and when I was about to overthink about my unfortunate experiences in life, I saw ‘that’. That was the thing that made me feel the ultimate relief again. It was something that I think could change my pathetic life.

It was a job posting sign for a pharmacy down the road. A pharmacy. A place where the flowers of health bloom peacefully. A pharmacy. A place that is about nothing but health and medicine. A pharmacy. A place where no one can fire me because of being obsessed with health. A pharmacy. A great pharmacy. A great place to start over.