Chapter 19

I was never very smart.

Not at school, not at home, not in this world…not anywhere.

I wasn’t anyone special, anyone important, anyone…anyone deserving anything.

I lived, I existed and then I died and found myself here.

Before I knew it, I was in the world of this game before the villainess Raena von Armina and then - eventually - I stopped thinking about the past.

Everything about it.

Mostly.

There were times when bad memories resurfaced or regrets about things I said or didn’t say and…well…

I forgot something very basic as time went on.

What did I used to look like?

I had been in this body for so long and seen the fairy face so many times in the mirror that it became normal to see it.

I remember brown hair, but was it short or long?

My eyes…I don’t know what colour they are.

My face wasn’t cute.

I touched the fairy looking back at me.

She was just as lost as I was.

If I could transform into a human, who would appear?

A bigger version of you or me?

Honestly, I was scared, but I wanted to be of more help to Raena and our plan.

Or so I thought.

At some point, I thought of Raena first and the plan second.

Why?

I didn’t know then, but I’d eventually realise the truth much later and under worse circumstances.

When Raena suggested we abandon the plan, I overreacted.

I was upset - no, furious with her.

Why?!

Why would she want to give up?!

Why?!

Was our promise so meaningless to her?

I stormed out in tears, calmed down, talked lots with Yui and decided to apologise…but she couldn’t hear me.

She couldn’t even see me.

She couldn’t feel me touching her.

I’d never been so scared in my life.

Why?

What had happened?

Yui, the duchess and I tried everything, but nothing worked.

I would spend all day flying beside her, poking her cheeks, pulling her hair, talking or yelling at her, even throwing insults at her.

Nothing worked.

And Raena got worse with every day.

It wasn’t super obvious at first, but she changed.

It broke my heart to see her fall to pieces.

Why weren’t you smiling like you used to?

Even Yui couldn’t make your smile reach your eyes.

You studied, trained, overexerted yourself and started acting like the villainess from the game, not the Raena I’d become friends with.

“I’m here, Raena! I’m right here!”

No matter how much I cried and begged, she could never perceive me.

I thought about telling Yui or the duchess, but I couldn’t do it.

What if they started to reject Raena?

What if telling them made things worse?

Or maybe it’d be like I’d betrayed Raena’s trust.

I couldn’t do it.

So, I watched, waited and kept trying.

And I decided to learn transformation magic.

I practiced with Yui and the duchess and eventually succeeded. I wondered if that might allow you to see me, but I was scared.

What if this didn’t work?

What if my last hope wasn’t good enough?

Maybe, if I left it long enough, then you’d be able to see me again…I’d keep trying to find a way back to you, but it wasn’t soon enough to stop you from collapsing.

You didn’t take the hint.

You kept on getting up and up, so I transformed and made you go to bed w-w-with…with a…a…a-a-a-a KISS?!?!

It was SUPER EMBARRASSING!

…But I didn’t hate it.

I liked it.

And it brought Raena back to her senses - and then I panicked and changed back.

Did she see me?

Was she-?

“I’m disappointed in you.”

The Raena from the game appeared from the game appeared from the game appeared from the game appeared from the game appeared from -

In a panic, I nearly knocked myself out.

What was that?!

I’d seen Raena’s oni-face many times before, and she’d said some mean things before, but what just happened?

It was like all I could think about was that - that fear, anger, that dread.

I slept restlessly because of those worries.

Raena, the Raena I knew and cared for, wouldn’t say something like that.

But the Raena from the game would.

But Raena wasn’t that Raena.

I knew that, but -

“Do you truly think Raena would treat you so coldly?”

The duchess was right.

All I needed was to take one final leap forward and my life would change for the better.

I believed that -

No, I knew it!

Raena wouldn’t reject me!

Okay, let’s do our best, Yuri Nakamura!