Chapter 10:
Shattered Chains
The metallic clink of the whip snapping against the wooden floor echoed across the dojo. Students shuffled nervously, some unsure if this was part of training. Kael froze, his chest tightening. The sound, sharp and sudden, made his heart hammer.
"No… no… please… not that," he muttered, clutching at his chest. His voice cracked as beads of sweat ran down his face.
Sota’s eyes widened. "Kael, what—"
"I… I can’t… I can’t!" Kael staggered back, knocking into a training dummy. The leather cracked, bouncing back, almost as if mocking him.
"Is he joking?" one of the 1.G students whispered.
"No… he’s… he’s shaking," another muttered, concern creeping into their voice.
The bullies in the back snickered, voices loud enough to cut through the tension.
"Ha! Look at him! Crybaby Kael! Whipping him would be hilarious!" one of them jeered.
"Come on, he’s just scared. Pathetic!" another added.
Kael’s breaths were ragged, sharp little gasps. He could feel every muscle in his body tense. "P-please… I… I can’t… don’t…!" he pleaded, stepping backward until his back hit the wall.
Sota rushed forward, placing a hand on Kael’s shoulder. "Kael, calm down! Look at me!"
Kael flinched, almost recoiling from the touch, but Sota held firm. "It’s okay… I’ve got you," Sota whispered.
But the panic didn’t subside. It grew worse, flooding Kael with a sense of helplessness he hadn’t felt since the last time his father had wielded a whip. He couldn’t think, couldn’t reason. All he saw were flashes—pain, blood, the helpless faces of his sisters.
"I… I don’t want it! I don’t want it!!" Kael screamed, his voice breaking.
The students watched, paralyzed. No one moved closer at first.
The trainee’s sharp voice cut through the room. "You three, out. NOW."
The three who had mocked Kael froze. "W-what?!"
"Detention. All of you. Do not return until your punishment is completed. And I will not tolerate cruelty towards someone in distress," the trainee snapped.
The bullies stomped off, muttering curses under their breath. Kael’s chest heaved, and Sota guided him to the side, kneeling so Kael could sit on the bench by the wall.
"Stay here," the trainee said firmly, turning to the rest of the students. "Everyone else, continue training on the dummies. Do it now!"
Reluctantly, the students obeyed, the rhythmic thuds of fists against leather filling the room again, leaving Kael in relative quiet.
Kael’s hands shook violently as he clutched his knees. Sota crouched beside him, rubbing his back gently.
"It’s okay, Kael… just breathe," Sota said softly, his voice almost desperate. "You’re safe. Nothing’s going to hurt you now."
Kael tried to respond, but his words came out as incoherent stammers. "I… can’t… not… whip… hurt…!"
Sota nodded, understanding. "I know… I see that. You don’t have to face it alone."
Kael’s mind raced, memories flashing vividly. The whip wasn’t just part of training, it was the embodiment of everything he feared. His father. The punishment. The pain he’d endured countless times.
"You… you don’t understand," Kael whispered. "You don’t know…"
Sota shook his head. "I don’t need to. I just know that you’re my friend, and I’m here. You’re not alone in this moment."
Kael’s body quaked as tears streamed down his cheeks. He had never allowed himself to be this vulnerable, not in front of anyone. Not even Sota had seen him like this.
"Kael, look at me," Sota said firmly, gently tilting his chin up. "It’s over. No one’s going to hurt you. You’re not alone."
Kael clutched Sota’s shirt, burying his face. "I… I can’t… I… hate… it…"
Sota simply held him, whispering, "I know. I know…"
The trainee, seeing Kael’s panic, finally approached. "Kael, we’re going outside. You’re not ready for the next task right now."
Kael’s breath came in shallow, rapid gasps. He nodded weakly, leaning on Sota as they exited the dojo courtyard. The air outside was cooler, brushing against his damp skin, and it did little to calm the storm inside him.
"We’ll go to the nurse," the trainee said. "It’s important that we check you out properly."
The trainee led Kael carefully to the nurse’s office. Kael’s hands were still trembling, but his breathing had slowed a little, though his chest still felt tight. He sank into a chair, hunched over, trying to make himself as small as possible.
The nurse looked up from her desk, eyes widening at the sight of him. “Hi... what happened? Are you hurt?”
Kael shook his head quickly, muttering in embarrassment, “I’m fine… really.” His voice cracked, betraying the panic he was still feeling.
“Kael,” the trainee said firmly, standing beside him, “you’re not fine. You need to tell her what’s going on. Right now.”
Kael’s fists clenched in his lap. He wanted to explain, to tell someone, but the words felt like lead in his throat. “It’s… it’s nothing. Just… don’t worry about it.”
The nurse, a calm, gentle woman with sharp, observant eyes, stepped closer. “You’re shaking. Your hands, your whole body… that’s not ‘nothing.’ Can you at least tell me what set this off?”
Kael’s gaze fell to the floor. His voice was barely a whisper. “A… a whip. It… I… I can’t…”
“You can’t what?” the nurse pressed, kneeling to meet his eyes. Her tone was kind but insistent. “It’s okay, Kael. You’re safe here. You don’t have to hide it.”
“I… I can’t… I can’t handle it,” Kael admitted, his voice shaking. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes, but he blinked rapidly to hold them back.
The trainee put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Kael, it’s okay. Just tell her what’s happening. It doesn’t have to be the whole story, but she can help.”
Kael’s eyes darted to the trainee, then back to the nurse. “I… I… panic… I… when someone… hits with a whip… I… I can’t breathe… I shake… I…” His voice broke.
“Kael,” the nurse said softly, “what you’re describing sounds like PTSD. Do you know what that is?”
Kael shook his head. “I… I don’t… I just… I can’t stop remembering… things that hurt me… things I don’t want to… remember.”
“You’re safe here,” she repeated, leaning closer. “You don’t have to fight it alone. Can you tell me what kind of memories come up?”
Kael hesitated. His mind raced. Should he tell the truth about his father? Could he even say it out loud? His hands trembled violently. Finally, he said, “It’s… it’s private.”
The trainee frowned but stayed silent, giving Kael space.
The nurse nodded slowly. “I understand. You don’t have to tell me everything right now. But it’s important to recognize that what you’re feeling is real. It’s not your fault.”
Kael shook his head. “I… I made it sound… I was bullied once… someone hit me with a whip… that’s why I… I…” He trailed off, ashamed.
“I see,” the nurse said, jotting something down. “That’s brave of you to tell me, Kael. Even if it’s not the whole truth, admitting that you’re scared is a big step. It shows strength, not weakness.”
Kael’s eyes welled up, and he glanced at the trainee, who gave him a small nod of encouragement.
The nurse placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Kael, it’s okay to be afraid. But it’s also okay to get help. We can work on ways to manage your panic, step by step.”
“I… I don’t know if I can…” Kael whispered, voice cracking.
“You can,” the nurse replied firmly but softly. “And you won’t be alone. We’ll start slow. You’re not weak, Kael. Panic doesn’t define you.”
The trainee finally spoke, breaking the tension. “Kael, I’ll stay with you. You don’t have to face this by yourself.”
Kael swallowed hard, nodding faintly. “I… I just… I don’t want anyone to know… not my sisters, not… anyone.”
The nurse smiled gently. “Then we keep it between us. But we work on you, Kael. We make sure you can train, learn, and be safe without this fear taking over.”
Kael’s head dropped. He finally let a small, shaky breath escape. “Okay…” he whispered.
“You’re doing the right thing,” the trainee said quietly. “Step by step.”
For the first time that day, Kael felt a tiny bit of relief. Not completely safe, not completely calm, but he knew he wasn’t alone anymore.
The sun had shifted lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the courtyard. Kael sat slumped on the bench, his head in his hands, trying to catch his breath. The world still felt heavy, and his chest ached as if it might collapse.
Sota approached cautiously, keeping a small distance. His expression was a mix of worry and hesitation. “Kael… what happened back there?” he asked softly, unsure of how to start.
Kael lifted his head slowly, eyes glassy, hands trembling. His voice was barely more than a whisper. “I… I have… PTSD,” he admitted, the words catching in his throat. “I… I can’t… I can’t handle… certain things…”
Sota’s eyes widened, his worry deepening. “PTSD?” he repeated carefully, as if saying the words aloud might make it real. “Kael… are you okay? Do you need me to—”
Kael shook his head slightly. “No… it’s not… it’s not that simple. I… I can’t stop the panic… it just… comes… and I… I don’t know how to…” His voice broke, trailing off into silence.
Sota hesitated for a moment, then sat down beside him, close enough to offer support but careful not to crowd him. “Kael… you’re not alone. You don’t have to deal with it by yourself.”
Kael swallowed, trying to steady his shaking hands. “I… I know… I just… I never wanted anyone to see me like this…” His gaze fell to the ground, embarrassed and scared.
Sota placed a reassuring hand on Kael’s shoulder. “It’s okay to show it. It doesn’t make you weak. You’ve been through a lot… and anyone would react the same way.”
Kael let out a shaky breath, his chest still tight but slightly lighter. “I… I guess… I just need… time…”
Sota nodded. “We’ll take it one step at a time. I’ll be here, Kael… I promise.”
Kael glanced at him, a faint, tired smile breaking through the anxiety. “Thanks… Sota.”
For a few moments, they sat in silence, letting the weight of the day settle. Kael’s panic hadn’t vanished, but for the first time, he didn’t feel entirely alone.
When training ended, Kael left quietly. The streets felt unusually loud, each footstep echoed in Kael’s mind, reminding him of the panic, the fear, the helplessness.
Kael was lost in his spiraling emotions. The realization hit him harder than he expected, this wasn’t something he could train away with punches and dummies. This fear… this terror… it would be with him, lurking, until he faced it.
Kael eventually came home and pushed opened the door to his apartment. His sisters were asleep, their small forms curled up in the living room. He felt a pang of longing and sorrow. He wanted to tell them about his panic, but he couldn’t.
He quietly entered his room. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. The sweat had dried, leaving his shirt clinging to him uncomfortably. His chest still ached, his mind replaying the panic attack over and over.
I have PTSD, he thought. Real PTSD.
It wasn’t just the whip. It wasn’t just the training. It was everything he’d lived through, everything he couldn’t speak of, everything he’d buried deep inside to survive.
Tears slipped down his face. He clenched his fists, trying to will the shaking to stop. But it didn’t. The realization had hit him full force. He was not invincible. Not by any means.
Sota had helped him today. The trainee had been firm but fair. The students had obeyed. And yet, the echo of fear remained. Kael swallowed hard, trying to steel himself.
This was just the beginning.
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