Pointy Ears

My head still hurts. But my hands don’t? I’m completely lost. As I sit up, my back doesn’t give me any grief either. I’m sitting on a pile of hay in this rustic, wood-framed barn. I don’t know where the hell I am. I look down to see I still have my badge, sidearm, and clothes. They’re clean and well-pressed. Even my shoes are shined. A cold breeze wafts through the barn. I hear rustling above me. On the 2nd floor storage shelf of the barn, I see a tall, slim, shadowy figure standing. It’s dark up there, he’s wearing some sort of robe.

“My apologies for the inconvenience, John. I’m sure this must have been difficult for you.” His words float down to me with a calm and regal tone. Awestruck, I sit there, staring without speaking a word, and he steps into the light. The man is wearing an elegant white robe, bordered with golden silk designs and a large collar which juts out around his neck. He has some sort of small sword on his hip. No, a knife, also trimmed in gold and ivory. “I’m sure you’re very confused considering the circumstances. Please allow me to explain.” At once, he literally floats into the air and gracefully steps down onto the grimy dirt floor of the barn. How the hell did he do that? This guy can fly? What the hell did I get myself into?

As I struggle to process the fact I just saw a guy defy gravity, I get a good look at his face. He’s beautiful. Long, flowing blonde hair, fine features, and… pointy ears. Really long pointy ears. Piercing green eyes… pointy ears. What on God’s green earth is that? He seems almost upset with me, with the look he’s giving me.

“It occurs to me you are unfamiliar with our kind. My name is Kalth, one of the four great Elder Mages. As you may have guessed, I am an elf.” I struggle to open my mouth. I can’t say anything.

“I am sure you are still processing the situation. Please, take all the time you need.” he says, with a slightly perceptible tinge of bitterness. Or disappointment? Does he think I’m stupid?

Can this guy read my mind? What do I even say? I muster the courage to ask. “Where am I?”, I meekly croak.

He raises one eyebrow. “You are in a barn, in the outlying farmland surrounding the capital city of the nation of Lamara.” Well, yes, stupid, I know I’m in a barn. What the hell is Lamara? As soon as I think this, I see his eyebrows furl. Oh crap. He IS reading my mind!

“Lamara is the largest nation on the continent. Due to the recent great territorial war, it has seen a massive influx of new citizens who have all decided to call Laios, the capital, their home. Some call them refugees, others call them parasites. In effect, the population of the capital has doubled in the last 3 years.”

As soon as I think to ask “Why did you bring me here?”, he cuts me off mid-thought:

“The reason I have brought you here is part of a process we have perfected to bring talented humans from other worlds. To put it simply, you were handpicked because of your experience in your former life. Of all the humans we’ve captured in our project, the vast majority were completely useless. Lazy, unintellectual, slovenly, pathetic, to say the least. Many were too old to be of meaningful use and some needed to be disposed of immediately.” That slightly perceptible bitterness I felt earlier is now fully on display.

“You cannot imagine our frustration at expending years of effort only to get, as you call them, losers. I believe one of them even called himself a “Hikikomori”; he lasted barely 48 hours.” Another gust of icy cold wind pushed against the barn, seeping through gaps and causing the structure to groan and creak slightly. Hikikomori? I think my son called himself that once. He was always in his room… which was filled with empty beer cans.

“The reason you have been brought here is simple: The capital city needs law enforcement. Despite the influx of new population, our current chief of police has retired, leaving the entire organization in disarray. Of all the humans we’ve observed through our initiative, you are the only one with the qualifications to rectify this issue. You are to report immediately to the Laios Order of Police and assume a learning position to prepare yourself for the job.”

Order of Police? What a strange name, like the union back home. Why me? Why not let me die? The instant I think this, I see his eyebrows furl again. Whoops. Sorry Kalth. My bad. I open my mouth to ask, “Well, how do I get there?” but he cuts me off again before I can even speak.

“Unfortunately, our initiative has had certain issues outside of our control. Namely, we cannot control where a summoned human will appear, or in what state they arrive. You should consider yourself lucky that you appeared both above ground and at ground level.” That perceptible bitterness appears again. Above ground and at ground level? Are you telling me these poor schmucks were getting teleported into solid rock, or at 10,000 feet? Scary stuff.

“I have arranged transport for you, and assigned a personal advisor from the College of Magic to be your guide in the short term. In the mean time, you are to lodge here on the property of the farmer whose barn you’ve intruded upon, before setting out when your carriage arrives. My associates have already smoothed things over with them; you are technically trespassing, as you may know.”

There’s a gentle knock at the door. “Enter.”, Kalth sighs. The crude, wooden barn door groans open, and I catch a glimpse of the tail of a white robe blown by the wind. It’s a girl. An elf girl. In steps a short, slim-figured, orange-red haired girl… with pointy ears. Her eyes are a piercing shallow blue, and she immediately sizes me up. She is carrying a wooden staff, with golden trinkets jingling from the tip.

“You must be John, our newest project.” Her voice is light, elegant and sweet. She smiles at me. “Nice to meet you. I am Leia, your advisor.” I glance over at Kalth; he’s eyeing me with a barely hidden look of skepticism, judgement, and disgust. Not going to say anything. “Nice to meet you, Leia”, I say, being as polite as can be.

“Please, come with me, I will show you to your room. And of course, you are most likely hungry after your journey.” She’s right… I’m starving. As she leads me out of the barn, I turn to give a half-hearted thank-you wave to Kalth, but he had vanished into thin air. Busy guy. As I exit the barn, I’m confronted with a breathtaking bucolic farmland view at sunset, with rolling hills, an icy breeze, and dirt roads intersecting farm plots as far as the eye can see. I see a rustic horsedrawn carriage on the road, and its’ little lantern, heading away from the farm. Leia giggles as she watches me take in the view.

“I have a feeling you’ll enjoy it here. You’ve got a lot to catch up on. Please, let’s not be late.”

She grabs my hand and leads me to a rather impressive wooden farmhouse with a thatched roof. Inside is an elderly farmer, his wife, and 4 short, green-skinned creatures in crude, leather coveralls… with pointy ears. “This is John, my charge and responsibility. Thank you for your hospitality”, Leia says sweetly, to the elderly man & wife who are now vigorously shaking my hand. This old man must be pushing 80.

“Please – come eat!”, he begs, and we sit down at a wooden dinner table hewn from a single tree trunk. Very rustic and splintery. In front of me is a small farmers’ spread. Roast stew, some strange vegetables, some sort of ham. With a start, the green-skinned little creatures grab plates and set them in front of us.

“Who are they?”, I ask after racking my brain for the politest way to broach the subject.

“Those are my goblins. Try as I may, they prefer to go by One, Two, Three, and Four. They are tethered to the land here and are our faithful servants.”

One, Two, Three and Four, huh? Grim. They don’t seem unhappy, though. None of my business.

Not meaning to press further, I dug in to a quite delicious meal while bouncing questions off of Leia and the farmer. At some point he brought out some horrible, foamy alcohol concoction, and I retired to my loft for the night. One of the most important lessons I ever learned was, “Learn to pick your battles”.