Laios

The carriage hit a large rock which jostled me awake, to find Leia inches from my face, grinning. Her strawberry red hair is in my face. Despite her pointy ears, she’s quite good looking. Smells good. Her piercing blue eyes seem to stare directly into my soul. Still, this situation I’m in is way too strange to even consider things like that. I gently push her away and sit up.

“Where are we?”

“We’re about 4 hours away from Laios”, she replies wistfully. “I still don’t know enough about you. Tell me.” So forward! Oh well, not much I can do about that. I proceed to give her the birds’ eye overview of my life. Failure in school, parents divorced, college dropout, joined law enforcement as a last ditch effort to reform my life. The usual stuff, paired with explanations of the intricacies of these particularly human foibles.

She then pries deeper. Despite her having asked these questions already, I decided to be more succinct.

“Were you ever married?”

Yes. To a terrible woman who stole my money and disappeared one day.

“Any children?”

Yes, a loser who sits at home all day on the computer.

“What’s a computer?”

Ugh.

I decide to fire back with a pointed question of my own.

“How old are you, by chance?”

Her face turns bright red. “I won’t say. You don’t get to know that.”

Ah, that was a mistake. I decide to press further.

“Why not?”

“It’s rude to ask things like that.”

Ruder than you asking about my ex-wife? Yeah, right.

She’s pissed. Maybe I should change the subject.

“What’s Laios like?”

“It’s dangerous. Really dangerous. In fact, I’ll probably dump you right at the gate and have you figure it out for yourself.”

Oh no, she’s REALLY pissed.

“But, because it’s my job, I’ll bring you to where Kalth asked me to.”

Whew, close one. I decide to use this opportunity to do some tactical recon.

“What kind of people will I be dealing with in Laios?”, I ask, very carefully.

“Humans, mostly” she replies, with a very ascerbic tone. “Humans, orcs, demihumans, lizardmen, spirits, mages, goblins, dwarves, bugs, and slimes.”

“Slimes?”

“Yes, slimes. They’re very nice.”

Nice? I can’t even imagine what they look like. You’ve got to be kidding me.

“What about demihumans?”

“You already met one; she did her best to heal you before we set off. Her name is Calyx.”

The one sitting up front, huh? Good to know.

“Demihumans are just humans with some admixture. They run the gamut of good and bad.”

Through the frosted glass, I see (and hear) Calyx smack her fist against the wooden frame of the carriage in protest at even being spoken of. Looks like I have some serious cultural issues to work through here.

I decide to take a peek out the window to the surrounding countryside. Despite the rather boring farmland, there’s a peculiar green glow on the horizon quite far perpendicular to the carriage. That green glow gets brighter and brighter.

“Leia, what’s that?” She leans over my shoulder to get a closer look.

The butler orders the carriage to an abrupt, jostling halt. In an instant, a hexagonal magical barrier is erected over the carriage, and one of the most fantastical sights I’ve ever seen washes over us. I am completely helpless, forced to watch as a green and white, roiling column of energy blasts overhead across the night sky, shaking the ground and straining our butler as he desperately withstands the secondary effects of its passing.

My hand naturally rests back on my firearm, as pointless as it would be in this situation. Leia is hanging onto my shoulder watching this magic exchange as it tears through the sky. In an instant, the green beam vanishes, then, the air vacuum it had punched in the sky filled back up & equalized, popping our ears and kicking up a cloud of dust. In the sky, a single small figure is illuminated by a purple aura. Instantly, I see 6 green dots appear, surrounding the figure, who is then blasted with a type of magic that rends the very perception and distorts the mere witnessing of the event. To my eyes, the beams emitted by these green dots tore holes in my eyes, captured the central suspect, and then vanished all at once.

“What the hell was that?”

“That was the College’s Royal Guard. They’re tasked with reining in rogue criminal magicians before they hurt innocent people.”

The hexagonal barrier disintegrates from around the carriage. We’re safe now. Off we go. I’m left with absolutely zero understanding of how the hell I’m supposed to enforce the law in this kind of world. What even is the law? I’d assume it’s somewhat similar to my world, or else society wouldn’t be functioning. Even still, the problem comes with trying to subdue people like THAT guy. I’m completely clueless at this point. Maybe I should ask the elf.

“Leia, are law enforcement officers in this world skilled in using magic?”

“Yes, of course!” she quips, a strange smile on her face.

“They have a whole range of magic they use. Capture magic, ensnaring magic, void magic, time magic, recursive magic, they have lots of tools.”

“Recursive magic?”

“Yes, recursive magic. Magic that doesn’t stop once you cast it. It’s difficult to use, so specialized units are the only ones allowed to cast it. It constantly reactivates and causes effects on the entire planet.”

I’m in charge of this? This is worse than being the head of the EPA. This is criminal. I need a drink.

After a few hours of bewilderment and despair, the butler calls from the front of the carriage. “Laios HOOO!”. I poke my head out of the side window. What I see takes my breath away. Miles and miles of city, contained within a great dividing wall, surrounded by newly constructed slums that stretch as far as the eye can see. We aren’t anywhere close, but the sheer size of this place boggles the mind. I’m supposed to be the Chief of police HERE? This is bigger than LA! You’ve got to be kidding me. In defeat, I slump back into my couch, immediately set upon by Leia, who recognizes her opportunity to leach off of my human warmth. Apparently, elves don’t make much body heat, and so we’re a novelty to them.

I was supposed to take it easy. My work was over. I was going to go to the beach, have a beer, relax, and not give a thought as to what happens next. That was the plan. Here I am, in impossible circumstances, screwed over beyond belief, facing insane odds, locked into a path I can’t control, completely helpless. So, another day at work. I decide to give up, in the short term, until I’m forcibly removed from the carriage. A few hours of vegetative, suffocating bliss passed, and I was roused from my cocoon with a forceful knock on the door.

In an instant, I realized two things. This elf was not only inside my sleeping bag, but curled up around me like some sort of warmth-leeching creature. Second, if I did not immediately separate myself from this situation, I am basically guaranteeing untold amounts of trouble, judgement and misunderstandings if I allow this to go on a second longer. In one deft move, I wormed my way out of my sleeping bag and quickly got dressed, with a confused, half-awake Leia wondering what I’m up to. It doesn’t even occur to me that I had gone from drooling snooze-nap to fully awake in record time (for me, that is). Someone is pounding at the door; it’s time for the rubber to hit the road.

We’ve arrived at our lodging in the royal capitol, Laios. Our butler is kindly requesting us to exit the carriage so he can get paid. After rousing my elven problem, we both step into the blinding sun of the morning, in front of our hotel. Immediately, I notice three things. The architecture is old school, like European middle ages. Wood framing, cobblestone streets, horse-like creatures drawing carriages. Secondly; market stalls everywhere. Merchants selling their wares, shouting, lines of people gathered to buy bread and other necessities. Thirdly, throngs of people, in poor dress, raggedy woolen clothes and dresses, too many people. Way too many people. There’s a housing crisis here. There’s no way these people live here in the immediate area. No way.

A porter takes Leia’s luggage for us. We are quietly shuffled up to a 3rd story comfortable hotel, hardwood flooring and a real bed stuffed with feathers. After settling in, we head down to the hotel’s attached restaurant. To my surprise, the College of Magic had ordered this particular meal be free; and as such, we splurged. It’s good to have connections. Having completely stuffed myself and overindulged severely on different kinds of local alcohol, I stagger my way back to our room and collapse into my bed. As I drift off, I’m vaguely aware of a heavy, elven weight upon my back, also drunk and unwilling to compromise in terms of personal space. I accept this issue and give up.