Do cats attempt homicide? Or are they just lazy?

Part 1.

Went out at night to get some energy drinks and food after seeing one of the worse anime I’ve ever seen, later I will comment on it on 11chan it’s going to be wild. My unkept beard itches a lot, and my hair is in real need of coloring if I want to keep it blonde, but I could care less.

I’m falling from a bridge? Oh yeah, I tried to save a cat. I tried because I slipped and fell, not even grasping the small animal. It was fine though; it was already safe as it avoided my fall. These animals truly have good reflexes huh. Once more I fail, once more I can’t do a thing straight.

I don’t really have to worry, this will put an end to everything. I start laughing, I was supposed to become a real celebrity, one of the best soccer players that this country produced and had already signed off with an elite European club, but I broke my knee bad. Many people can boast about just the chance all their life but to me it was the end. Went from being a local super star to just a school dropout and then just a good for nothing.

The last 4 years were like a dream, the first 2 I spent partying among people that didn’t really care about me; after I pretty much got tired of all the alcohol and making my big bro worried, I then became a shut-in, spoiler: he did not like that much either.

Seems surprising, but you could just say that my life was one of extremes, and when dreams escape from your grasp you need to cope in all possible ways. I embraced every desire, hurt people, hurt myself. Ended alone.

Falling. Feels like forever. Hell, even I’m getting tired of my own thoughts, can someone tell me when I do hit the poorly filled river? Or maybe I will wake up in bed. I have my eyes closed so tightly that it hurts, so I suppose it’s not a nightmare. And now I’m hearing... people? Can’t make a thing out of what they say, maybe I’m freaking out way too much.

Light. I can’t help but feel so much light compared to before even with my eyes close, I went out at midnight how could this be? I can’t feel my body, just like when your leg gets numb and seems like it's from another person. I think I can move some parts of myself but not even sure what I’m moving. So much fun.

I open my eyes, from what little I can see this seems the room of a well-off people, maybe from Europe, there’s a chandelier hanging from the roof, my neck won’t move as I want, I can’t speak either. Two women in their 20’s look at me like I am some kind of strange alien, ladies could you not? Right now, I may look homeless, but I swear I was such a womanizer, bad person yeah, but a player, nonetheless.

The plainer looking woman wears a black dress, and suddenly she extends her hands to me... And picks me up. I never did weight too much, in fact my nickname was the Samba Skeleton, but this is too much to process. No, it’s not just picking me she can hold me. Is this that? No please. Anything but that.

When I was a kid, I couldn't really tell my teammates I liked anime because of a trend, one that invaded that media and normal kids made fun of. You could not escape from it, every season would have at least a few of them. I’m speaking about Isekai, and if this is not the weirdest dream, I have been reincarnated. Hoping the food is good, I would ask for soccer but that is too much so at least please let there be food.

Part 2.

It's the year 743 aA¹, we are at the great Septem Empire. The strongest human country, victorious over wars with demons, elves, dwarves, half-beasts and other humans. Peace only exists because every nation is afraid that the empire may not like any other country expanding their territory and this have been true since 665 aA.

I am but the “humble” personal maid of the third prince of the empire, and this was decided when I was 8 and he was born. Helena van Honger that is my name, the second daughter of the marquis Grant van Honger. I got my training as a magic soldier so once the prince is of age I will probably just join the army, it is my best way to avoid marriage and keep myself from getting fat like my elder sister did. Sorry sis.

What are my favorite things? Well, I truly dislike all attempts from nobles to court me. Wait that’s not a favorite thing. The teal color is nice. Wearing anything but the boring black dress for maids. Spending time away from the prince may be my favorite activity. Why you ask? The third prince is just that much of a weird creature.

Don’t be mistaking my words now. Anyone that sees the prince without knowing him would see a remarkably handsome boy. Blue hair parted neatly that gently falls to his face, while the lower part is long but well braided and reaches his middle back. Sharp eyes, the left one golden like many demons have and the right deep purple, a trait of the imperial family. Tall, and with a good physique born out of hard training and wearing the imperial earrings with apparent dignity.

He almost got the backing of the great duchess Martha van Vers by his looks only. Then he spoke. She didn’t take well his advances. She may be a widow, but he showed he is a dunce.

The third prince is the last in the line of succession, three of his siblings were born after him and yet he is dead last. The backing of any of the 3 dukes can put anyone up there, but it can also mean that a civil war may spark.

Yet this won’t happen because no one will back prince Adikemas. He can use 4 magical elements out of the 7, and yet he is not considered a genius. He’s medium ranked in the Crimson path, the national sword-style and considered a good duelist, but still not seen like a respectable fighter. He is always speaking about not wanting to do a thing and sees everything like a bore. He may be skilled, but he is a jerk with weird ideas that almost always have to do with his legs or why can’t he have a harem, and finally he is the son of a traitor.

Part 3.

My brother and I got orphaned when he was 18. He was 10 years my elder and took into himself trying to raise me, our only family was an aunt we knew little about and who did not really try to adopt us. A friend of our father made us the favor of being my legal guardian and renting us one of his flats.

He always worked so hard for me. I was able to go to school, and he even got me nice shoes since I loved soccer so much. I would wake up in the middle of the night to watch European matches of the highest level, my idol was without a doubt Neimadinho Jr, he was so bright, and yet he did waste his potential. He could have been so much better.

My nickname came as a joke since I liked him so much and the fact that I was slender, the Samba Skeleton, my rivals always saw me as someone who could not go past them to score. But I always did, what was mockery ended being a name that was full of respect.

But nothing about that matters much anymore. I still remember my nickname, but these days is hard to remember which was my real name. It’s been almost 16 years since I was born in Aibousa, a world pretty much out of a fantasy novel. But this is my reality now.

The food is not bad if anyone was wondering. Or maybe I just got accustomed already. The women now come in new flavors! Elves! Demons! Dwarves! CAT GIRLS! Well, half-beasts. This country even has slaves, not a nice thing but is not like I am the emperor to choose what is law and what not. Probably even my mother is not that all powerful.

Talking about my new mother, she hasn't aged a day since the day I was born. I don’t really see her much, maybe once or twice a year. The country boasts about human purity, but some of my siblings are half elf or even half demon, so I’m not sure about her genetics. Maybe one day I will ask her.

My father if you want to know is the reason no one treats me with as much respect as the rest of the imperial family. Nothing to do with my original world ideas that no one seems to like, or my fighting style including kicks or mixing magic with such kicks. Like come on people, the legs are SOOO much stronger than the arms why don’t you lot get it?

...Oh yeah sorry, my father. He was a slave. Gained his freedom through combat in the Vert Coliseum. Raised to baron since he solved an ancient logic problem proposed by the 2nd emperor that hadn’t been solve in centuries. And most importantly, Olivia van Rood fell in love with him. The empress, and by this point he was considered a hero.

Then he rebelled against the empire, he died alongside many of his allies who used to be slaves just like him. Before his demise he conquered the territory of duke van Vogel who was very corrupted. I was born just some time after his death. A reincarnated person, someone who may be called one of the ancients. The calendar of humanity starts with their own arrival; we were not originally from this world.

Once elves and demons saw how awful we are they tried their best to seal the world with primal magic so that no physical beings can enter anymore from outside realms, but the damage was already done. But it seems that they could not seal this dimension in a spiritual level.

And thus, started my story. Adikemas van Rood, third prince of the Septem Empire, Adi for my friends not that I really have any. I won’t be the next golden ball winner, but this is my second chance at life, and I will try my best with the strength of my legs.

Soon I will get more freedom, adulthood is coming. And luckily, I will be able to get away from the iron fist of Helena. My coming-of-age ceremony is next week!

Notes.

¹After Ancients.