Resolve

“I had another thought!”, started Casey without even greeting me the next morning.

The consultation had taken almost the whole night until I could convince everybody that it would be easier to think after having a good sleep. Everybody agreed, though nobody wanted to admit it.

“Enlighten me!”, I replied playfully.

“We could send somebody in and poison their food.”

So much for the geneva suggestions. I'm kind of glad she is on our side., I thought.

“That would take too long, also there is the chance to get caught or to kill the villagers with this plan.”

“What if we get the villagers out or warn them at least?”

“I don’t see a way we could do that.”

I scrutinized her. There was nothing left of that smug pride she had taken in presenting her ideas last night. It was more like she was afraid of what was about to come.

“What’s up with you?”, I asked.

“It’s nothing.”

She turned away from me.

I never was an expert in women but I kind of got the feeling that something bothered her. I might have been mistaken though.

“We both know that this is not true. But I won’t continue to ask, if you don’t want to share your worries.”

She turned back towards me just when I decided it was time to continue my way to the shooting range we had set up for our preparations.

“Everything will be fine?”, she asked.

“Well… sure.”

If there was a list of things a person shouldn’t say before a battle “everything will be fine” would be quite on top of the list of famous last words. Next would be “let’s split up!“ but I have already been through this horror mansion thing and not saying this sentence also didn’t save me.

For a moment I felt like I heard a faint laughter somewhere in the back of my mind. The two voices who seem to have watched me throughout all of my reincarnations probably had a good laugh hearing me say something like this. At least the first one. The second voice at least made the impression of caring about me.

Feigning certainty was one thing but deep down I didn’t feel it myself. Probably my reasons were the same as hers which made me feel only worse about lying to her. We both knew that the only possibility to seize the village would be cutting off the escape routes and then storming in. As soon as they would become aware of our sharpshooters and the gatling gun, they will take cover inside the buildings, turning the streets into a death-zone. Putting one foot into the village would get you riddled with holes.

We were still looking at each other, trying to estimate what the other was thinking. There were no words needed. In fact we both felt like it was time to go on with our tasks but nobody was able to make the first move. The world around us grew distant like it only does between people who are sure that a significant change will occur soon, like saying goodbye to somebody you won’t see for a long time.

“Shota?”, asked Gav, who appeared next to me.

“What’s the matter?”, I got torn out of my thoughts and Casey walked away a little too fast to make it look casual.

“We will need some more hands to get the gun on the carriage. That thing is damn heavy.”

“Ok, let’s go then.”, I replied. Casey was already gone.

The gun was indeed heavy. I had expected more weight but it was difficult to get a good grip on it. With every step of our preparations done, I became more and more sure that entering the village would be suicide.

The preparations were complete. We had prepared everything that had to be prepared. Tomorrow would be the day of our attack.

This evening there was no huge assembly in the saloon. Everybody returned to their houses early but nobody was able to sleep. Nobody wanted to think about it but everybody thought about who would return tomorrow and who wouldn’t. It wasn’t a matter of winning, but a matter of surviving or not.

My thoughts dwelled on the short talk I had with Casey this morning. The next day is bound to bring us misery. Maybe we wouldn’t even be able to get a chance of eliminating Troef. If I died I would likely have another chance somewhere else, but would the others have the same chance? And even if they had, how would they feel? I had led a miserable life in my first life. Number two and three also didn’t offer me too much. This was the first world where I actually felt at home. But still I was a stranger. If I died they would mourn a little but their life would continue. If they died, even if they got reincarnated, their next life would be shaped by an everlasting feeling of loss.

My resolve was clear. None of them was allowed to die tomorrow. Troef had to die. And if my death could achieve this, then my life would finally have mattered for once.

I walked to the window and opened it. The air was comfortably cool. Casey’s window was closed. There was a dim light, probably she had lighted a candle but I couldn’t imagine that she was reading today.

She knew what would happen tomorrow. That was what had worried her even before it had started to worry me. She cared more for the people of this town than she would admit, or at least that was what I allowed myself to think about right now. Everything else would make my resolve waver.

“I wonder what she thinks about right now.”, I said to myself.

With this thought, I closed the window again and went to bed, where I eventually fell into a restless sleep. This kind of sleep that makes you feel fully awake and aware of every yet so small sound around you. It was a hell of a night.