Come to Grips with Death and the End

Her eyes were still dull and vacant. In Izhari’s mind, terror was blending with acceptance and defeat. Though she did not know what awaited when they landed, it was possible that they were about to be delivered directly to Mathael. Even after all the rest in the cave, she was not ready. Her body might have healed, but her heart and spirit had only declined further. Chaos, doubt, and uncertainty were the dominant forces at work in her thoughts. Far from the healthy balance needed to create a new vision of reality.

But that was okay.

Through the breaking of Izhari’s will, she had finally given up on reality. Grief had won. She was no longer in the cave, but it didn’t matter- her body was simply a walking tomb of despair now. No kindness from Tomita could reach her anymore. She would do what she could to wound Mathael or maybe even take him with her in the inevitable defeat that awaited, but she knew there was no victory.

Then their crowns were returned to her hands and she felt Tomita beside her.

“Master, if we are going to Mathael, there’s no point in hiding anymore. Regain your magic and reactivate the burden sharing. Let me be there for you, come what may,” said Tomita.

Metal curves sat heavy in her hands as she hoisted the crowns.

“Tomita, I… I do not think I want you to be there for what is about to occur. I do not want you to see what I become. So I’m going to ask you for one last thing as your master.”

Her voice was set. Resolute defeat echoed in her words and Tomita knew he could not argue, even if there was time. As pain spread across his body in his own acceptance for the goodbye to come, he sighed and paused.

“Yes, my master.”

“Give me all of your hate. All of your sorrow. All of your pain. Send every negative thought and force into the burden share.”

“Izhari, no…” said Tomita in honest shock.

“Tomita, please understand. I am truly grateful for your efforts in trying to heal me. But it is too late for me. Sorrow and hate are all I have known, and that is my strength. Let me at least die fighting with what I know. Maybe, with enough rage, I can take him with me…”

Down and down the vessel went. Air resistance grew and shook the metallic body, telling them that the surface destination was near. Tomita sighed in defeat and looked at his master for what might have been his last time. Silent words were whispered, and the crowns glowed silver- their power was restored. Izhari’s eyes flickered with power.

“Please,” she softly pleaded.

“Roger,” he said as he returned the crown to his head.

Her paw met his chest, and he touched hers.

“Izhari, look at me, please,” Tomita asked.

She hesitated.

“I’d like to remember you, as we head to oblivion,” he explained.

She blinked and nodded.

Looking up at him, Izhari allowed her familiar his request. Her face was gaunt, weak, and matted. The scar over her right eye was more noticeable now. Color had faded from her fur and hair. Though she was small, she felt larger than anything in his view. His lips met her forehead briefly, and he felt her claws press against his chest ever so slightly as both of them said farewell.

“You were the only good thing to ever happen to me, Tomita. And it was a very good thing. Goodbye.”

“No matter what it took for me to meet you, I am grateful I did. I can finally die having at least known true connection with someone. Goodbye, Izhari.”

With that, Tomita submitted his soul and relinquished all of the negative aspects of his spirit into Izhari’s open soul. It was an instant, burning agony for Izhari, who could not contain the scream of all-encompassing suffering that tore through her entire existence. 

For Tomita, it felt like the levees of his sorrow and self loathing had broken, and the great river of sadness that had been building for all of his life was finally free. Feelings of grief, loss, regret, trauma, hate, judgement, despair, wrath, and loathing all swirled together in a torrential exit from his spirit and slammed into Izhari with full force.

But she didn’t back away. Claws dug into Tomita’s chest for support, and he pulled her close. Her voice cracked in strain as she snarled in defiant focus, and she held her will until it was finally over. A deep, dangerous growl from deep in the chasms of her spirit grew and rattled her chest as she choked to process the transfer. It was done.

Though the memories and pain were still Tomita’s and would always be his, there at the end of all things, Izhari was strong enough to carry all of them for him, and allowed herself to accept that this dark power was her strength. She was never a light, positive force. She was wrath. And that was enough. In her own defeated way, she was finally at peace with never knowing peace.

Shudders of calming propulsion told them their vessel was settling. They had arrived. Tomita helped Izhari up from the ground and returned her staff to her paw. Cautious, familiar fingers wiped away tears one last time.

As the door cracked, Tomita reached into his jacket for one final sip of etherdrop, but decided against it. It had been days since he had drunk any, and now, in the face of death, he wanted to meet his end sober.

The door opened, and the two companions braced for the beginning of the end.