Heroes and Demons

I plunged through the lightning-choked wormhole with insane velocity. The truck rocked back and forth as powerful drafts of energy slammed into it from all sides. The wormhole lengthened and shrank. Lightning danced along the hood of the truck. A light appeared at the far end of this seemingly endless tunnel.

I wrenched the steering wheel, aiming for the light, and stepped on the gas. The tiger hissed.

We hit the end of that wormhole with the force of an asteroid screaming through the sky. As the light faded I realized that the truck was airborne, flying over the heads of a small group of people dressed in strange clothes. They looked on in excitement and pointed at me as I passed, but I could not hear what they were saying.

My eyes widened. We were no longer in the alley. Heck, it didn’t even appear that we were in California anymore. A vast throne room stretched out before me, looking very much like something out of a fantasy novel. Large, black pillars of stone rose all around and cauldrons of fire burned beside a massive throne of black iron.

And sitting atop the throne, right in the path of my speeding truck, sat the most terrifying creature I had ever witnessed. It was demonic in appearance and imposing in figure, with a pair of massive black horns that curled above its head.

I realized in horror that I was not going to be able to stop the truck. It had too much speed. I closed my eyes, praying that this wouldn’t be the end. The truck slowly spiraled as it dropped directly at the figure’s head. Pure shock and confusion reflected upon its thin, dark features.

Not even its immense muscles could withstand the force of a 1992 Ford Ranger decelerating from the speed of sound directly into its cranium. The world shook for several seconds, and when it stopped the dark figure lay twitching on the ground, its head buried beneath the twisted piece of metal that was my truck.

The crash had loosened the ratchet straps holding the tiger in, and it slinked out from behind the truck. Smelling fresh meat, it began to devour the demon. My growling stomach had me almost considering joining in.

“Providence!” Shouted a blond man dressed in plate armor. “The spell has worked! The Hero has saved us from the evil Demonlord!”

“What?” I asked, “The Hero?”

“The prophesied Legendary Hero!” Said a dark-haired woman garbed like a mage, “We used the ancient spell to summon you, the mightiest hero across all of space and time!”

“He doesn’t look like much of a hero to me.” Said a short man from beneath his heavy armor. He poked my leg with his spear. “He’s not armed very well, and he doesn’t seem all that strong.”

“Well at least I’m not short.” I said. Seeing him up close, he was only half my height. If that.

“What? Short? Haven’t you ever seen a dwarf before?” Yelled the short man, “I will have you know that I’m actually very tall for a dwarf!”

“Oh, don’t mind Imalor.” Said a slim elf with pointy ears, “He can be a little grumpy when he doesn’t get to kill something.”

“I’m the Demonslayer of Carcinex and you will address me as such!” The dwarf demanded, pointing his spear at the elf accusingly.

“I don’t know who any of you are…” I said, thoroughly confused by this situation. Was this some kind of dream? A hallucination from the truck crashing into the wall? Did I have a brain injury? I glanced back at the truck. It had started to glow.

“What?” I shouted and ran back over to my truck. The so-called Demonlord’s horns had gotten stuck in the engine block of my truck. I tried to pull them free, but they were lodged deep and would not budge.

The truck glowed brighter. Then, with a blinding flash, it reappeared upright before me, completely repaired. The Demonlord’s horns were now mounted steer horn style on the hood. The left rearview mirror had been reattached. The paint even looked new.

“Wow…” Murmured the mage. There were stars in her eyes as she looked upon the glory of my truck. “That’s one powerful weapon.”

“You killed the Demonlord in one hit!” Exclaimed the armored man, “If I had a weapon like that, we could have ended the Demon War years ago!”

“It was a good hit…” Admitted Imalor, “But I could’ve killed him faster! I’m the Demonslayer, after all.”

“Uh, well I’m Dale.” I said. Their praise made me a little uncomfortable. They thought a truck was a magical weapon? Were they stupid?

“I’m Ser Erik of Folona.” Said the armored man, he wrapped his arm around the elf, “And this is Head Ranger Arthur of the elven kingdom of Nabouti. All of us that you see here are the honoured heroes of each of our respective kingdoms.”

“I’m Lynessa,” Said the mage, “I’m from the Spirit Kingdom.”

“And I’m from Carsinex.” Said Imalor, “Obviously.”

“So, how do I get home?” I asked.

“Home?” Ser Erik looked puzzled for a moment, “My apologies Legendary Hero but your presence is still required. The Demonlord has been defeated, but his armies still cause havoc across the land! The generals must be routed and the war brought to a manageable point before we can send you home.”

“Okay.” I said, “If you can get me back home, then we have a deal.”

This shouldn’t be too hard, I figured. The Demonlord had gone down to one hit from my truck. The rest of the demons couldn’t possibly be any harder.

“Then let us quest together!” Ser Erik shouted, “The armies of the Demonlord still wage war on the peaceful peasants of Folona!”

A voice from behind me spoke in tones deep and rumbling. I whipped around suddenly.

“You there, truck driver.” Said the tiger, licking bits of the Demonlord from his lips, “Why have you stolen me from my home?”

“Since when can you talk?” I asked, amazed.

Lynessa gasped, “Not only is he a Legendary Hero, but he is a Beastmaster! He communes with beasts, the rarest form of magic!”

“Oh, that’s rare?” I asked, afraid to make myself seem like I was a liar. The tiger growled deeply. “Oh yeah, that’s right! His name is Foggy, a noble Bengal Tiger, the Last of His Kind!”

“My name,” said the tiger, strutting up beside me proudly, “Is Atlas.” He poised, sticking his head in the air.

“Foggy!” Exclaimed Lynessa, “That’s such a cute name! Aren’t you adorable?”

“I will eat you in your sleep.” Atlas replied, glaring daggers at the mage. He growled as she leaned down to pat his head.

“That means he likes you.” I added helpfully.

Seeing as how I was stuck with these “Honoured Heroes”, I thought it best to play along with their misconceptions that I was the Legendary Hero. I decided to drive us to the battlefield in Folona. Ser Erik sat in the passenger seat to give me directions while everyone else rode in the pickup bed, much to the dismay of Atlas. Fortunately, he did not try to eat Lynessa.

When we arrived it was close to sunset. This world seemed so vibrant and full of green trees and plentiful wildlife. I had never seen a place that looked so alive. But as we continued down the narrow dirt road, we saw smoke rising in the distance.

“Oh no!” Gasped Ser Erik, “The demons are attacking the village! We have to go in and fight them.”

“Right.” I said, feeling a newfound sense of determination. It seemed that saving these people would be my ticket out of here. “Let’s get them.”