A State of irrational Distrust of Others

Sleeping rather soundly after that exhausting evening, I slept in a fair bit. Only being woken up by Eleanor stepping on me while dancing in her new dress. She is rather giddy about it, asking me to dance with her.

I humour her; I remember the steps for a basic waltz. While I am no master dancer, I should be able to keep pace. Or rather the imagined pace – we don't really have any music. She's positively glowing right now. I guess every girl her age would dream of dancing in a nice dress, even if it's just a maid's dress.

I play around with her for a bit longer. For the first time since coming into this world, I feel no sense of urgency.

There's a fat pay cheque waiting for me at the market today; I have my comfy desk job next to Jesha, and Eleanor is happy. So long as Jesha doesn't suddenly decide to leave the city, I should be fine for the foreseeable future...

"Master Jesha has left with the delegation this morning; I am to take over his duties from now on."

These were the dreadful words that greeted me when I went to the market later that day, spoken to me by the now familiar redhead woman.

"Since I have no need for an assistant, you are dismissed from now on."

So Jesha has dipped, and I am now jobless. Great!

"I was ordered to settle any and all open accounts of his, so here you go."

She places a large sack that has been sitting beside her onto the counter. When I say 'large', I do mean 'LARGE'. It's even larger than me, and it's filled to the brim.

"This is your pay for your work, bonuses included. The herbs are to be administered in boiling water for their effect to fully blossom. The cookies are recommended to be consumed within the week."

I try to grab ahold of my prize, but I simply cannot. Being most likely filled almost exclusively with those pig iron rods, its weight is astounding.

I didn't pay too much attention, but didn't this woman just hoist this sack of bricks up onto the counter with only one hand? She must be frighteningly toned under that loose-fitting robe...

"Can I take my payment in instalments?"

The other elves around simply stare in awe. They must be wondering what I could've even done to warrant such payment. Well, if you fools want to put on the maid outfit in my stead, be my guest!

Miss subordinate gives me a smug little smile. She too, no doubt, enjoys watching me struggle. Like master, like student, I suppose.

"Very well. I'll split it into three bags; come get the rest the next two days."

But she too sees reason after she's had her fill of my misery, thank god. She quickly redistributes the contents of the large sack into three smaller ones, handing me the one she put the herbs and cookies in as well.

Carrying that thing home is still a formidable workout for my small body, but at least it's manageable. On the way back, the envious looks of the other elves are palpable. The fact that with every step I take, the sound of the rods clinking together can be heard certainly doesn't help.

I could be a paragon of solidarity and share my spoils, but why would I? The only elf I would even consider giving anything to would be Loren; he has helped me and seems to have cared for Rinah for some time already.

But all the other elves usually look at me in revulsion, and that's now only being overwritten by greed because I am currently a walking bank.

I might have to start thinking about how to keep them away from Rinah and Eleanor. If their desire overtakes them and they rob us...

"While I understand your feelings on the matter, we still need allies if we are to escape from here. We've seen the other side of the wall. We cannot take on all the guards on our own. If the other elves don't fight with us, we won't make it."

True enough, but our survival still comes first. If I lose the few people I truly care about, what's the point?

I could try to help them in other ways, maybe? Ways that don't involve me handing out money.

I could share a bit of that soap stockpile and teach them about the importance of hygiene. But would they even listen? To a snot-nosed kid like me? To a dirty half-blood like me? I doubt it.

I should hide our funds somewhere, but where? Besides burying them, nothing comes to mind really. And if nothing else comes to mind, someone else will reach the same conclusion...

I reach home. I should be ecstatic right now. After all, I finally have something more to give back to Rinah than just some spare change.

But these worries eat me up from the inside. Not only did I just paint a target on my back, but I'll have to do it again the next two days.

Am I too paranoid? I don't know.

So far, I think they like Rinah; they sympathise with her and the circumstances she has to endure. Namely, my accursed existence. They wouldn't hurt her, right?

Though hunger can make a man very desperate...

Entering, Eleanor looks at me with wide eyes. I can show off a little, right?

"Behold!"

I drop the sack in front of her and pull out the cookies.

"What is that?"

Yeah, she doesn't know what these are. She's never had one of them, after all.

"Eat it."

I smile at her; she deserves a little treat. After her first taste, however, she was hooked.

I had to fight her tooth and nail to save some for Mother, for she too should have at least a few. Yet because she has come to love Mother as I do, she relents after all, leaving more than just a few behind.

Inspecting the medicinal herbs, they look unlike any plant I know. Their scent is distinct yet unfamiliar, though beneath it still lingers the ordinary smell of a dried plant.

So I just make them into a tea of sorts? Shouldn't be beyond me.

Thus I set the non-existent table with cookies and tea, waiting for Mother's return. And return she does, rather soon in fact.

Her arrival is heralded by her all too familiar, loud coughing fits that stop rather abruptly right before our home, as she enters the tent.

"Mother, please sit. I've made tea and brought cookies."

She seemed rather confused by my mentioning of these luxuries.

"Oh, Isayah. But how did you get these?"

"As payment for my work outside the walls."

Rinah recoils in shock. Eleanor stops munching on her cookie for a moment. No surprise there; I don't think I mentioned to either of them I was going outside.

To their knowledge I've just been bringing home a bit of change every day after working at the market.

"Along with all this."

I gesture to the sack filled with the iron. Both Eleanor and Rinah look at me like I've just killed someone.

"And the next two days. I will bring home two more of those."

Rinah grabs me.

"WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU? ANSWER ME, ISAYAH!"

What did they do to me? Nothing at all. Nothing I wouldn't endure for you.

"What I had to."

She's now crying profusely. This is not how I expected this tea party to go.

"Is that where you got that accursed dress from? Did they mistake you for a girl?"

Eleanor looks down at her 'accursed' dress. You are correct on both fronts, Mother, but that is really beside the point here.

"Do you truly believe we can't hear your coughing every night? I've got to do something to ease your burden, or you will work yourself into the ground. I can't stand by and just watch that."

I refuse.

"I refuse."

"I REFUSE TO JUST WATCH YOU GRIND YOURSELF DOWN UNTIL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT! I CAN'T!"

She is truly taken aback. Why? What's this awful feeling I am forced to endure? Is it coming from you, Isha? No, who am I kidding...?

"I got these medicinal herbs just for your sake. Please take them. Please..."

I avoid looking at her. This is even more awful than holding Beltharion's gaze. Why though? I can stare perceived death right in the face but not my very own mother?

What the hell is wrong with me?

Mother takes the small cup filled with the tea I made for her and gulps it down in one go. That can't have been pleasant; it was still steaming. She must have scalded her throat all over...

"Please, don't do anything so dangerous. You promised to me, didn't you? You still remember that, right? It pains me too much to see you risk everything like that. First you steal from the humans here, then you go into that den of lions out there willingly. If I lost you..."

Her voice is almost inaudible at this point.

"I feel just the same. I wouldn't know what to do if I lost you."

I hug her tightly. Eleanor joins us. She too is crying at this point. I am no better.

We devolve into a sad little pile of three crying people, amounting to roughly 2 elves if one were to add us all up.

But I think laying one's feelings bare like that is a good thing, especially to those you truly care about.

So I told them about my other worries as well, how I suspect some desperate, down-on-their-luck elf might one day come here and try to hurt us and steal what we have.

Rinah suggested she could tell Loren about the situation. As long as we'd share at least a small bit with those that truly needed it, he would make sure no one would rob us.

So that is exactly what we did. This arrangement was truly a blessing. It made sure of their safety, alleviated my worries and, most importantly, improved my standing with the elves by a fair margin.

With that, something resembling normalcy once again found itself in my life. Mother still went to the mines, not wanting to rely on our savings too much.

But she was able to cut down her hours a bit. That, in combination with the herbs, should improve her health a bit. At least I hope.

Though sadly, I have little to do now. I can't steal from the human slaves due to their fortifications, and my desk job is gone as well.

So I once again took up my job as housekeeper. As a fun little side project, I've started to teach both Eleanor and Rinah how to read and write as well. No need for paper as well if you can just draw in the sand.

With that, time passed by rather uneventfully, something I never would've thought possible in this life.

Just as I reached my 12th year in this world, however, everything once again took a turn for the worse.