A Useless Crush

[“I’m waiting for you down by the marble ruins.”] Asa telecommunicated.

[“Great,”] I replied. I could find my way back easily. Please let it be easy. Talking to Asa face-to-face was a moment I was looking forward to. More than is comfortable to admit.

It felt alien to not stumble across people and points of interest in every moment I stepped outside. I came to expect that exposure, having lived in the gutted and haphazard architecture of Solar City. Now, I was isolated in a void and forced to spend most of my time in my mind. It is just like this day after day. How unsettling, unpleasant, and mania-inducing.

I suppose there are benefits to not coming across sinister and unknown gods and mediums at random, yet it was easy to misconsider, seeing as how I’ve only conversed readily with a single person for two weeks. And she was plenty mad to top it all. I’m thankful to have temporarily made it through that problem.

Past the pillars and behind the sculpted wall of the gods was my blond, cloth-draped confidant. She stood at peace, leaning against the wall. “Hey, Asa, I have a lot to tell you about.” I started. I wanted to expel it.

“How have you been these past weeks?” she asked. Ok, let’s take it slow and from the beginning.

“I’m having an influx of energy at the moment. I’m excited to see you.” I said quietly. “What about you?”

Two things became clear as we chatted.

Asa couldn’t do much other than meditate and bide time. "It would be foolhardy to make any advancements, " she said. Up next, the trickster god was the only option because it would be needed to deceive the most hostile gods.

Second, I told her about the deal I felt forced to propose with Ydunn and how she had entered into the Metagenesis contest. Asa wasn’t discouraged. She already believed that she would become active if others did, which was beginning in earnest as each activity was a catalyst for another. I would have been more unnerved that Ydunn was readily headhunting, but it is good that one of us is calm and confident.

“You really took your time with Ydunn. Two weeks, or a whole of sixteen days. I can probably guess why you used a man’s intuition and all. That’s my woman’s intuition,” she insinuated.

She brought up that topic?!

“It's not like that! I-I” I cried, rising from the aged marble. I jolted around the courtyard like a headless chicken. It would look like that, of course. Of course. Stupid. That’s what she was grasping at this whole time. It would be easy, logical, to believe I changed sides with that promise of lunacy I made. What if she gave me two choices of gods to test my loyalty? What if everything I say is met with scrutiny? I don’t have a truth emblem like Asa.

My knees quaked, and I fixated on the innocent floor. My life is-.

“Hey,” she softly maintained, stilling my mental river’s flood. “It doesn’t matter to me if you enjoyed Ydunn. I’m messing with you. You got what you needed. What we needed.” She emphasized.

Deep within, I want to clear up the misunderstanding that I am, as Ydunn would say, a no-good hussy. My pride was compelled to prove my devotion.

I was always going to mate with the other gods, but we did extra things. Lewd images assaulted my memories. Biting. Blood exchange. I felt her up. Ydunn and I were in a suggestive position all too much. I think what I did what was necessary to not become a meal. In truth, I couldn’t blame her for everything.

Ugh, I covered my blushing face. I couldn’t meet her eyes from excess guilt.

“I’m your knight. I’m not meant to have even a little fun or act dishonestly. I don’t want to do anything that would make you think less of me.” I uttered.

“Part of being a divine trickster thief is putting on a disguise. I’d say you acted pretty well in that regard, seeing how Ydunn gave you all seven levels of the emblem.. Seriously, do whatever you need in order to tailor to a god’s whims and fancy,” she soothed with amicable eye contact.

Asa is making perfect sense… Why am I guilty? It was like my whole world was ending. The pieces lifted into place. In this world, I have a prevalent crush on Asa.

I immediately flinched and suppressed the emotion and thoughts that sprouted. She is divinity, brain. Moron. Can’t crush on her, maybe anyone here. Only a fellow medium.

On the other hand.

I liked her presence. Her hugs. Her smile. Her thoughts. Her gaze. Her voice. Her. I could go on and on.

“What are you thinking about, Astrid?” She mused, growing tired of peering, anticipatively.

“Nothing!” I muttered. I promised myself to take this to the grave. I was terrified to ruin our trust. I was convinced a goddess would not want me. I didn’t want to see the low that would come after a rejection.

She gave me a knowing look. “You were thinking about what to eat. I forgot that humans are always hungry.”

I felt my shoulders loosen. “Could we have some curry? You didn’t need to taunt and worry me like that, you know. I’m perceptible.” I added.

“What gives you the right? I can tease you whenever I want, especially when it is based on fact,” she loosened.

I guess I couldn’t deny that.

The magically conjured curry was warm and of perfect thickness.

“I can’t see inside your head, well, anything except thoughts you send, but I bet I was worried about you more than you. You were meeting with that heretic Ydunn.” Asa lamented. “I really tried to dissuade you.”

The steam of the meal obscured Asa’s face. “It won’t happen again. I’m becoming stronger, so the day will come when I can do more and you won’t have to worry about me.” I insisted.

After the meal, we stayed at the table. Now, I was uncomfortable making eye contact with Asa. She wouldn’t notice.

I felt like I should do something for her as gratitude for saving me with her magic, company, and protection. I scoured my head. With my possessions, what a pipe dream. No, I had this hair ornament from the ruins…