Pathetic "Goddess"

To say that this day is the worst is an understatement. It was just one misfortune after another. Just when I thought that this day could not get any worse, reality decided to slap me with another horrible thing.

I wonder how long that list of misfortune for me was. I hope I’m halfway there already, because if this is just the start, I’ll call it quits now.

A sigh escaped my lips as I was scanning the cheap bento boxes sold in the convenience store. I haven’t eaten a proper meal for two days and even cheap bento like these are making me feel guilty if I were to buy them.

Left with no choice, I turned to the aisle of instant noodles instead.

I am very well aware that I shouldn’t be living like this, but what can I do… I just lost my job earlier today.

It was a simple mistake of my superior that somehow ended up having a huge effect and that superior of mine knows that she will get into more trouble so she decided to push all the blame to a timid and unassuming employee that she laid her eyes on.

“Nanashi, you’re fired!”

Unfortunately, that timid and unassuming employee was me.

I wanted to appeal my case, but looking at how the higher ups basically already decided my termination, I just remained quiet while swallowing both my tears and pride.

After I was thrown out of the office on the spot, someone recognized me. A group of former high school classmates.

“Oh my, Nanashi, did you just get fired in broad daylight? Poor you~”

I know better than anyone that nothing good comes from engaging in a conversation with them.

“If you have eyes, and if you know how to use your brain, then sure, I just got fired in broad daylight.”

Shaking my head, I turned my back to them nonchalantly.

My response obviously infuriated them as I heard them cursing at me while I just continued walking away from them.

Normally, I would have been embarrassed after that, but strangely, I could care less about it now. It was just tiring dealing with that company, dealing with my former high school classmates… Basically, dealing with everything is tiring nowadays.

And that brings us to the present, where I am looking at the selection of instant noodles at a small convenience store in the middle of the day when employees should have been at the office and not comparing the prices of the cheapest instant noodles they can find at a convenience store.

After buying the cheapest that I could find, I was left with no other things to do so I decided to make my way home.

It still felt surreal that I just lost my job that I spent almost three years with. It wasn’t exactly a wonderful work, but as long as it pays, we really can’t be choosy in this economy.

I wasn’t attached to it in any way, but the realization that I have nothing to do anymore, nothing to keep me going anymore… crushes me internally.

However, it was actually amazing that I haven’t lamented yet.

Maybe because the gravity of the situation hasn’t sinked in yet, or maybe it was because I just don’t know how to react to what just happened.

To be honest, I’m just so burnt out from everything.

It’s too tiring to care and too exhausting to bother.

Once I arrived home, I started preparing my instant noodles.

I live alone in a small studio apartment which is not very comfortable for a normal person’s standards but as long as it’s livable, anything is fine with me.

I have been staying here ever since I left my hometown and moved to the city in hopes of having a better life. Hah, what better life, it wasn’t better at all.

I was barely getting any sleep, the only thing that keeps me awake is unsweetened black coffee that I always buy from a vending machine on the way to work. It doesn’t even taste good, and I wasn’t really a fan of bitter flavors before, but ever since I started working, I had to adjust and compromise a lot of things.

At first, it was manageable, but as time passed, everything started to become overwhelming.

It wasn’t just sleep. I started skipping meals, I stopped caring about my health, and I was constantly stressed about making a mistake at work.

It’s pathetic, isn’t it?

I was worried about making a mistake, but in the end, the reason why I got fired wasn’t even because of my own fault.

When the noodles were done, I also opened my laptop to watch something while eating. I was hoping to distract myself from what just happened and just watch some random video on the internet.

When the screen of my laptop lit up, it wasn’t showing the starting screen. It was just white screen.

Great, now my laptop is broken too.

I sighed in exasperation, touching my head because everything up to this point is giving me a headache.

I tried anything that could help fix it, some simple troubleshooting actions for it to work but it was still unresponsive.

In the end, I just left my laptop turned on as it was showing a white screen, hoping that some miracle might make it work.

I started eating my noodles. It doesn’t taste great, but at least it still fills the stomach.

After minutes of waiting, nothing happened. My laptop is indeed broken. Great, just great.

The empty cup noodles sat on top of the table, my broken laptop beside it.

Seriously, nothing goes well for me today. It was just one thing after another. I was extremely tired, but I was also extremely anxious.

I have nothing to do tomorrow… and maybe for the following months or years to come as well.

I could try to apply for a job again, but if they asked why I was fired from my previous job, I can’t just say that my superior pushed the blame on me and had me fired to save her ass.

Recruiters are particular about those kinds of things, they will nitpick any flaws in your resume even if you’re qualified for the job. In the end, you won’t get the job just because of a simple flaw that is actually irrelevant if you think about it.

A sigh escaped my lips.

It would be great if there’s something that I can do. I’m not choosy, anything that pays enough for me to survive will do.

In the middle of my internal monologue, a memory from a distant time resurfaced.

Come to think of it, I once tried making a living by writing novels.

There was a time when I was still in school, I was really passionate about writing. I was so passionate about it that I even took a degree in literature for it.

I graduated with flying colors. After graduating, I submitted my manuscript to different publishers, hoping to become a published author. However, reality is always disappointing, my work was never chosen.

They would rather choose those with strong connections to big names in the industry. There is no place for a no name writer like me.

I once tried posting my works online where I gained a positive reception, but just a positive feedback is not enough for someone in my position as an unemployed fresh graduate at the time.

In the end, I applied for an office job.

It wasn’t something that I truly wanted to do, but after having my stories face rejection countless times… I just realized that becoming a writer in this economy is impractical.

It was just that, an empty dream of a young naive dreamer.

It’s not about talent or passion anymore, it’s about survival.

So I gave up.

My unfinished stories online were left abandoned for years.

Even if there are times when I want to pick up writing again, it will never be how it used to. I could never write the same way I did before.

I had fun writing in the past, but just having fun is not enough to keep on doing it.

That’s the pill of reality that I had to swallow the hard way.

I sighed once again, thinking about this is useless. It won’t change anything now.

I glanced at my laptop once again and noticed that there are changes in the screen. There is a text flashing now, it was slowly filling up the entire screen.

I narrowed my eyes and tried to read it.

[The Arcenciel Kingdom is a prosperous nation thanks to its great climate and topography. It was an ideal kingdom thanks to the great king Alexander d’ Arcenciel. This great king has seven children that are all vying for the throne. Seven princes and princesses… or what was known to the public.

Before the fight for the throne, there are two youngest children in the royal family. The twins Prince Noir and Princess Bianca, but an unfortunate incident caused them to lose their lives at a young age.

This tragedy was the start of discord within the seven siblings. The second prince, Prince Blane, believed that the passing of twins was orchestrated by one of his siblings.

With doubts started taking root in the royal family, it didn’t take a while before the royal children turned against each other. Prince Blane must uncover the mystery of the deaths of the twins or else the kingdom will face destruction.

As if the heaven blessed him, a miracle happened—]

I tried reading more, but the screen stopped generating words.

More than that, something about this story is making me feel nostalgic.

Something about it is making my heart feel heavy.

I can’t put my finger on it, but I could feel that this story is special to me. What was it? When was it?

Why can’t I explain it?

I bit my lip to calm myself. I reached out for the laptop when…

The ground shook violently.

This isn’t an unfamiliar event, but the intensity of this scale is not normal. This is a destructive earthquake.

I have to protect myself!

Alas, nothing goes well for me at all.

One thing after another…

To think that today will be the same day that I will kick the bucket… how laughable.

“If this was supposed to be my last day, I should have been luckier.” I chuckled bitterly, ignoring how my body was hurting after the debris of the roof fell directly on me.

My eyes fell on the laptop covered in rubble that was still unexpectedly lit up.

I finally remembered what that story meant to me.

“If I could live longer, I want to finish writing that story. It doesn’t matter if no one likes it… I just want to write…”

It was too late for regret. But then, regret always comes last. It was to be expected.

I’m slowly growing tired.

Sleep sounds nice right now.

Un. Let’s rest now… along with our unfulfilled dreams and hope.

_______

A world devoid of color.

People stood around the place, unmoving. Yet, their voices can be heard.

They are screaming, they are begging for their lives, praying for a god to help them.

“God of Memories! You’re the only one who didn’t abandon us, please save us!” a person pleaded.

It is unsure who it was from the number of unmoving people around the place, seemingly frozen in time.

“God of Memories, please leave quickly! Leave us here and move forward!”

The voice of the one called God of Memories responded in a frantic voice, seemingly afraid and confused.

“No! I can’t leave you all here!”

A calm voice soon answered.

“My dear God, please leave. Everything will end soon, so please be strong no matter what. We will meet again under the blue sky.”

It was a voice full of gentleness, but slowly… it was fading into oblivion, never to be heard again.

_____

The moment that I opened my eyes, a blurry sight of the blue sky greeted me.

There was a prickly feeling in my eyes.

I picked myself up and sat in the place where I woke up only to realize that I was crying. Tears are coming out of my eyes, seemingly not wanting to stop.

“I just… died, didn’t I?” I muttered to myself bitterly.

I tried wiping my tears away and at the same time, surveying my surroundings.

I am in the middle of a meadow with lush green grass and small flowers blooming beautifully. It was a breath-taking scene, but I do not have the time to admire the scenery because I still can’t stop myself from crying.

My chest feels heavy, all the emotions that I’ve bottled up until this point seemingly freed all at once. This must be what it feels to finally be allowed to be honest to yourself after living such a pathetic life.

Right, I actually acknowledged my regrets in my dying moments. Too bad I can’t act on it anymore.

After around five minutes of crying, I finally calmed down.

It feels refreshing to let out everything like that.

Now that I’m good to go, let’s assess our situation first.

This place is something that resembles something that I know very well. The bright sky, the lush meadows of grass and flowers… It resembles my hometown before I moved into the city.

Ah, this must be what they meant when they say that your life will flash before your eyes. Still, this place is too quiet to be a part of my memory. Maybe heaven was something that resembles a place dear to you.

“Is this heaven?” I muttered to myself.

“Nope.”

I flinched in surprise when someone responded when I wasn’t expecting it.

“Are you calm now?”

I turned to the source of the voice and saw a young boy around 10 to 15 years of age. He has an unusual pale pink hair, and blue eyes like the sky. He was smiling gently at me with a patient and understanding look.

I broke my trance and promptly responded.

“Y-yes, I’m calm now. Sorry, you have to witness that.”

“Please don’t mind me. I’m just glad that you woke up.”

“Ah, sorry for the trouble…”

Somehow, talking to this boy is like talking to a long time friend. It was comfortable.

“Uhm, excuse me, where is this place?”

“This is a town with no name.”

“A place without a name? Is that possible?”

The boy nodded.

“Yes, it is.”

Ah, that’s right. I’ve become comfortable with this child quickly that I ignored something huge that should have come first before anything else.

“Sorry for asking late, you are?”

“Oops, my bad for not introducing myself right away. You can call me Ollie.”

Ollie bowed politely to me.

Is it how they greet people?

“It was an honor to be acquainted with you, Goddess.”

“Nice to meet you too, I’m— Eh?”

A GODDESS??