Prolouge

 I always hated the cold. Working in the snowy winters of New York was the worst. The cold numbs, but it is somehow excruciating if you are not prepared. Not to mention how easy it is to get sick this season. But no matter how much I want to curl up in my home in big blankets with a cup of warm tea. One must work to eat.

The sound of heavy construction echoed through the busy streets of New York. I put on my worker's hat and head into the site. Despite the sun having only recently risen, the site is already filled to the brim.

I gotta get to the changing room before my boss notices I am late. I can see him on the site. Hopefully, I can sneak by him.

I begin to quickly move, trying not to garner any unwanted attention. But without even looking at me, my boss yells.

“Oi Reck. You're late for your shift. Get changed and get moving.”

“Sorry, Boss, the subway was crowded. I’ll clock in right now.”

Old man Gerard might as well have eyes on the back of his head. Never could sneak past the guy.

I quickly entered the changing room. I put on my workwear. A bright green vest and my Hard hat. I usually don’t care much for the set, but I appreciate any extra layers in this weather.

I lifted the heavy wheelbarrow filled with mortar and got to work. I wouldn’t want Gerard any more on my back than necessary.

The hectic sounds of the construction site slowly zone out as I drown into my own thoughts. It's always days like this. Where everything is just slightly off. It's just a bit too cold. I didn’t sleep right. I was late to work. Days like this make you think. About why. Why do we work so hard? Why we made the choices we did. It's maddening, isn’t it?

As I carry these heavy weights stuck doing manual labor at 24 years old. I’m stuck, not knowing what the point is. Why I left a life where my parents had everything planned for me. A good college degree and a cushy corporate job following in my parents' footsteps. Instead, all I’ve got is a high school diploma and a year and a half of college education. Barely making enough to cover rent and back pain. Much less than enough to get into a relationship. Any money I do make, I save in hopes of moving out of this city.

I don’t even have the time for many of my hobbies. Well, maybe that’s a bit disingenuous. I do have the time. I just feel so tired that I burn my time on useless things I don’t even care about. Watching videos and shows that keep me just interested, but I couldn’t remember or care much about the day after. Is this what freedom is supposed to feel like?

Everything just feels like a lot. I had hoped that escaping from that house would have magically made my life better. I don’t know. Or that since I was unhappy there, I would be able to become happy if I left.

Maybe that was foolish of me. Who’s to say?

Well, at least I can pay my rent this month. And after food and utilities, I should be able to save some to get something nice for myself. Maybe I can eat at that fancy sushi place next weekend. Yeah, that sounds good. Just gotta finish today’s shift, and I can go to sleep early. Just focus on the bright side. Stay focused. Things will turn up eventually.

I take a deep sigh of exhaustion. My breath forms a thick mist in the cold. I look out to the hectic horizon of the bustling city. The sun had fully risen and was shining gracefully upon the city. The snow covered some of the buildings in a light white cover. The weather is getting worse. And based on the way the clouds look, it probably isn’t gonna get much better.

Pulling my glove slightly up, I check the time on my watch.

It's about 1 right now. Which means theirs still a good amount of hours left on this shift. If this weather gets any worse, it can be dangerous.

I hate confrontations, but this is pretty important. “Hey, Old man. This snow is only getting worse. We should probably stop working on the higher parts of the building.”

Gerard sneers. “You young folk are too worried. A little bit of snow won’t be a problem. We’ve worked in far worse. Don’t try to get out of working hard with lame excuses like that. Youngsters these days.”

I always hated that phrase. What does my being young have to do with it? But I need this job, so not much point in arguing with the guy. I pick up the bag and start hauling it up the stairs.

The building we are working on now is a tall one. About 8 stories. Apparently, it's gonna be a fancy hotel. I remember back in the day, when I used to go to these types of places when I was a child. Never really appreciated those vacations, looking back on them. But granted, they were usually filled with more arguments than enjoyment anyway. But I kinda wish I could enjoy these types of resorts on my own. But I would need my entire month's savings to be able to stay at a place this nice for a night.

But can’t blame a guy for fantasizing after all.

And then I noticed something. One of my juniors by a few years was sitting down with a torrent of sweat running down his face. I think his name was Frederick. He's not looking so great. His notable bright ginger hair and freckled face soaked his own sweat.

I put down my bag, “YoFrederick, you doing ok. You're not looking so good.”

Frederick looks up at me. His eyes look like those of a dead man walking. “ Nah, I’m fine. Just taking a quick breather and all.” He shakily stands up. Clearly putting up some kind of front.

I put up a bit of a scowl. “Look, man, this job is not worth all that. You need to go home. Loo, I can talk to the boss about giving you the rest of the day off.”

Frederick fully stands, stabilizing himself. “Thanks for the worry. I really do appreciate it. But I’ll live. I only have a few more hours in my shift. I'll just go straight home. Trust me, I have never missed a day of anything in my life,” He proudly stated with a smile.

Uehh.It's like he's sparkling with determination. He's giving this weird fake smile. Is this what the boss would call the youthful spirit? How come he has, and I don’t? I’m only two years older than him. Where did all my youth go? Sniffle.

Wait, snap out of it. Don’t be entranced by the shine of youth. Your junior is being dumb. His brazenness is gonna get him hurt. Loo, if you’re going to take a breather, take it in the break room. Resting in the snow isn’t gonna do you any good.”

“Thanks, Reck. You're always covering for me. I feel bad.”

“If you're that worried about it, you can treat me to a meal sometime.” I chuckle to myself.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

The two of us give light smiles. Imagining a warm meal in our future. Walking together with arms in shoulders. We start walking down the stairs. Looking at him up close, I am a bit surprised he's 23. He looks very young. I would probably guess that he is 17 if I didn’t know better. I, on the other hand, am stuck with this constant grimace, making me look ancient in comparison.

Taking each step with care down the stairs, I look out through the scaffolding that covers the building's currently nonexistent wall. This high up, the wind is much worse. No wonder Frederick got so sick so fast. I feel his body become noticeably limp. As if he ran out of strength. As I step forward, I feel my foot slip.

(Shit)

While holding onto Frederick, I slip out of the scaffolding. In the blink of an eye, I am floating in the air. Time felt like it slowed to a stop. I can see the screaming face of Frederick. But everything is zoning out. The ground below me is approaching faster than I feel comfortable.

As I plummet to my inevitable death, all I see is regret. My heart is filled with despair, looking at the ground. As the New York cityscape turns into a blur. All my life, I tried to live true to myself. But in the end, I never did anything that was truly important to me. I never spent the time maintaining my friendships. I didn’t find anyone to love. I lived my life alone. If I lived alone, I might as well die alone.

I at least don’t want to regret the way I died!!

I twist my body with all my might. Moving Frederick to be on top of me. Time is rapidly speeding u, I grab Frederick with both my arms. He looks surprised, yelling.

“WAIT RECK DON’T-”

THUD. I landed in the snow. My body is numb from the freezing cold. Frederick quickly rolled out of my arms and checked on me. “Reck yo-your bleeding?” I go to respond, but I can’t. Like my energy can’t be mustered. The sounds of Frederick’s frantic noise slowly become nothing but ringing in my ears. He goes to stand up and yell for help, but he falls over himself. His course throat fighting against him as he falls in the snow himself. Eventually, some of the workers who heard some noise started coming around. Including the boss.

“ahh. It's warm.” How nice. I always hated the cold. So at least it's warm at the end. Blood coming from my head spills down towards my eyes. Covering them. I give myself a light chuckle.

My boss falls to his knees. Calling for help. But I know when my time is up. I just really hope that Frederick survived. Cuz maybe then my life will have meant something.

I just wanted to be happy. But I guess I never really figured that out.