Chapter 23 - Lust

My mind went blank. I couldn’t process what had just happened. There was blood… and something was lost… an-

“NELL!”

Ame gripped my collar and threw me to the floor. I snapped back to reality and scanned the area. There was my room… there were the walls…

And there was a commander. He held a sword so powerful that it made me shake. I didn’t sense power from a human in it. Not even the power of a king.

It was the power of a god.

My hand started to shiver again, when heat began to burn my skin from beside me.

Kaya, with tears in her eyes, held her dagger at the man.

“JUSTIN BECKWITH! I WILL KILL YOU IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!”

Sy gripped his forehead as Kaya screamed at the commander. I recognized that name. This was Justin Beckwith, the first commander.

He held his sword, pointed at the floor.

He stepped forward. Straight forward. There was no wobbling in his step, and there was no lack of confidence.

There was no identity in his eyes. It was as if he was a hollow husk of what he was walking away from.

My heart pounded as I held a ball of RME in my hand.

Kaya shot forward, prepared to slice through his stomach. But her dagger was stopped. Not by his sword, but by a barely visible hand of wind. I could only see it because of the small amount of RME infused in my eyes.

Dominic knew who this commander was. It looked as if he had seen this sword before.

So he yelled out to Kaya.

“KAYA!”

Justin was just about to grip the hilt of his sword, when a golden aura encased Dominic. This was what he had used to annihilate Verwa. His sword stood steady as he lunged at Justin. But, he never ended up making contact. He was shot back with a blast of wind.

I turned to Sy. He knew wind magic the best. He would be able to help here.

But, he was sitting on the floor. Just as I was. He stared into the eyes of Justin. Without a single word, a bit of warmth left his body.

I looked back at the dead Little Man. I didn’t know what to feel. I didn’t. I was confused. I didn’t want to lose anybody else.

I didn’t care what sin I had to commit. I wanted to keep my connections.

And I wanted to win.

I spoke to the God of Time in my mind.

“Don’t let me choose anything. Force me to fight. I don’t want to get anybody killed because of my inability to act.”

I felt a feeling of concern in my mind, but it didn’t matter.

“... Alright. Be careful.”

______________________________________________________________________________

From that point on, Nell had the same level of consciousness as Justin Beckwith. The God of Time’s subconscious had taken over his body, and fought in his place as if he was on autopilot.

Sy turned his head to him as he stood up and silently walked away from Little Man’s corpse. Nell strode over to Justin Beckwith, and stared at him. There wasn’t a hint of happiness in his eyes. There wasn’t a hint of sadness. No anger. No grief. No humanity.

He held his hand out towards Ame, signaling him to create a blade of water. Ame nodded and threw him a sword. Nell immediately reinforced it with RME. Normally, he wouldn’t be able to do this. His internal world was too unsteady due to his emotions affecting it. But, since the God of Time was in control, he could do this with ease.

Everybody looked on in shock as Nell gripped the hilt of his glowing water blade, and shot towards Justin with no hesitation.

But Justin did not falter.

Despite losing human emotion, despite losing his humanity, there was still a thing Nell could fear. A thing that even the divine could feel.

Fear.

Nell stopped in his tracks as Justin held his curved obsidian blade and slashed horizontally through the air. Nell instinctively covered his neck.

But the only thing to fall off was a single finger.

“I do not wish to kill a child born in terror. If I take out your group, you will naturally fall. My wife is still out on the battlefield, and I want to leave her as much time to mourn as possible.”

Nell didn’t currently have the capacity to take in what he just said at all. He didn’t have the capacity to care either.

He picked up his finger and began to heal it, directly in front of Justin.

Justin simply walked past him, and went directly towards Kaya.

Kaya stood there. She couldn’t attack him. She was too weak. No matter the injustice she felt within him, she couldn’t do anything.

She fell to her knees as Justin Beckwith grabbed her hand, and stared at the dagger in it.

He grit his teeth and closed his eyes.

“Dammit. DAMMIT!”

He gripped the handle as his mind went back to the moment he gave Zbrke the dagger. It was his 6th birthday. He used the dagger to cut the cake, and Zbrke commented on how pretty it was. Justin’s words rang through his own mind.

“You like it? Then, you can have it! My gift to you, for your birthday. But- keep in mind- gifts are gifts. You can do whatever you want with it- not just fighting!”

“Really, Uncle? Then I know exactly what I’ll do with it!”

“Hm? What is it?”

…

“I’ll give it to somebody who cares about me. Somebody who will never leave my side.”

Justin stared daggers at the dagger in Kaya’s hand. After all this, he came to one conclusion.

Zbrke never got the chance to give it to somebody. He died too early, and the dagger got lost in circulation around the market.

Just as Justin was about to slice open Kaya’s heart with his sword, he began to wobble. He fell to his knees. Ame, Dominic and Nell saw this and shot directly at him. Dominic reached there first, slamming his sword towards Justin. But, it was blocked by the Mirror Blade. Just as it hit the blade, the attack that would’ve done damage to the sword was reflected back, cutting into Dominic’s chest. He fell to his knees.

But, it created an opening for Ame. Ame materialized a sword of water and ducked under the Mirror Blade. He lunged forward, and stabbed at Justin’s heart with perfect precision. But it didn’t matter how precise he was. It didn’t matter how strong he was.

This was the borrowed power of a god. This was the power of the propagator of the Servant of the Mirror, Justin Beckwith.

Ame’s blade was snapped in half as a thin wall of wind went directly in between him and Justin, shooting into the ground.

But, both of Justin’s options were used. Nell had the perfect opportunity.

He gripped the RME infused water blade, and lunged forward- just as Ame did. He reached the stomach of Justin… and he pierced it. Nell was not capable of smiling at this moment, but if he could, there would be the largest grin on his face.

He was about to channel RME and blow open Justin’s stomach, when he felt something stab his back.

He turned around and watched as an obsidian dagger was stuck inside of him. Justin had used a hand of wind to pick up the dagger and stab it into his back.

Nell did not flinch. Instead, he pushed harder.

Justin pushed harder. Ame and Dominic both fell back as Justin turned away from Kaya and stood up. He grabbed the water sword in his stomach and threw it to the floor, wobbling heavily from his injury.

He held his obsidian blade and looked down at Nell, who was on the floor.

And he spoke.

“Is the flame you seek warm enough to die for? Is that truly how much people value connection? So much so that they’re willing to die for it?”

Nell was silent. His current form wasn’t capable of answering. But, Justin knew what the answer would be. He showed it with his actions in this fight. So, Justin spoke again.

“You don’t need to answer. Zbrke did the same thing. Connection is an incredibly valuable thing. But, the joy I feel in my heart right now is overwhelming.”

He grinned and kneeled down in front of Nell.

“I threw away everything for this moment. I threw myself away for this… this… this lust for victory. This lust for ending the suffering you cause to children of terror all across the world. This lust for conn-”

Justin turned around as he felt a tug on his shirt.

Sy was standing there. Justin stared at him.

He couldn’t recognize him. Because Zbrke had died long ago.

When he looked at Sy’s face, he only saw a mirror. There wasn’t a single feature that he could recognize. He thought he was going insane- he thought it was an illusion caused by the Servant of the Mirror.

And he was right.

Justin pushed Sy away and stared at his face with disgust.

Sy, trying to hold back tears, stared at Justin as he towered over him.

“Child. What is your name?”

“M-m-m-my name… my name is Sy. I do-d-do-don’t re-r-reme-remember m-m-my ol-old n-a-a-am-me…”

Justin’s eyes grew wider as his brows furrowed harder.

He held his sword out in front of Sy.

“You are the cause of my suffering. You are the cause of people losing their families. You are the cause of everything wrong with this world. You. YOU. YOU! You are not a family! You’re a terrorist organization! You killed my nephew. I haven’t heard from him since he ran away into the woods. There’s a high chance he's been eaten by wolves, and it's the fault of you people. Savages. WARMONGERERS!”

Nell stared at Justin as he said this. But, nothing was racing through his mind. The God of Time was in control. She was watching this entire thing. She knew something- something that nobody else had the ability to know.

A sin was necessary to win this fight. Not a lust for victory. Not that Nell would develop from a godly influence.

But one from his humanity.

The sin of lust. The sin of a connection that he couldn’t throw away.

That was what he needed.

His thoughts returned to him as the God of Time let go of control. He would still be able to use RME infusion, because the lingering effects of steadiness would still be inside his internal world.

Nell shot forward with RME, kicked the water blade on the floor into the sky, and gripped the hilt with conviction.

Nell searched through his mind, and found the issue. He found the reason they couldn’t win.

It was the divine connection inside that sword. The sword had a connection that he couldn’t compete with, and a connection that Justin couldn’t give to Zbrke.

Nell needed to sever it. It would lose its raw power and countering ability, and Justin would gain his internal world self back.

And to do that, Nell needed one thing.

“... My humanity.”

Ame, who was still on the floor from his supposed injuries, grinned at Nell.

“Good luck, Nell.”

Ame began to observe him.

Sy, who was shaking in front of Justin, stared forward.

Justin turned around as he heard a noise from behind him. It was Nell.

“Justin Beckwith. I don’t care why you’re fighting us. I just don’t want to lose anybody else.”

Justin grit his teeth and gripped his sword harder.

“You’re a hypocrite. You don’t want to lose anybody else, but you cause wars that make tens of thousands lose their families. You make them lose the only connection they have. Because of you, a child is going to return home from their day at school. They’re gonna speak with their friends until their parents bust through the door. They’ll tell the child that their Uncle was drafted. That scenario will replay inside the head of the Uncle for years and years. You have no right to complain about losing your bonds if THIS IS WHAT YOU DO!”

Sy heard this, and began to shiver harder. He gripped his head in agony and curled into a ball on the floor.

Nell grit his teeth as well. He was about to speak, when Justin interrupted him.

“I’ll end this. With one strike. I’ll sever the strings of your connection with Eternal Flame. I won’t have to look back ever again.

Justin closed his eyes as his sword began to glow. He bent his knees, and got into a fighting stance.

With a single slash, one of them would die.

Nell whispered to the God of Time.

“I don’t want to rely on you, but I have to. Please. Lend me your vision.”

Nell closed his eyes, and reopened them. He could see the strings of connection between a god and his propagator.

The energy within Justin’s sword could eviscerate an entire city, so the damage it would do to a single human would be unimaginable.

Justin closed his eyes.

And he shot forward.

“The dead have no right to value, Nell. Close your eyes and wallow in regret.”

Nell grit his teeth. Just as Justin was about to cut him in half, he yelled.

“SY! VACUUM!”

Justin felt a familiar wind nearby. Nell was boosted up into the sky. Nell stared down at Justin. His entire vision was black- except for two things.

The first was, of course, Justin Beckwith.

And the second was a string. A string that connected a god to its blade.

Justin Beckwith looked up to strike Nell, but at that moment, he felt something slice his oblique.

Sy, face covered by the mirror, sent out a slash of wind at him.

Justin had no time to be angry. He had no time to think.

Nell bolted down from the sky like lightning. With Dominic’s strength, Kaya’s passion, Sy’s connection, Ame’s precision, and his own humanity- he pierced the back of Justin’s neck.

But it didn’t do anything.

“Regain…”

Nell spoke as all the RME from his own body channeled into the tip of the blade.

Nell thought to himself.

‘My flame… is burning brighter…”

A thunderous scream shot down from above Justin.

“THIS BOND… THIS STRING… I’LL SEVER IT!”

…

“RELEASE!”

The RME inside the sword and his body collided with the water magic, and burst.

A massive energy explosion engulfed Justin. Little stars were created, and blew up the moment they were born, creating more explosions. It sounded as if a hydrogen bomb was filled with firecrackers.

Nell’s arms were blown backwards, turning into practically bone jelly.

Justin was shot down into the floor, as hundreds of emotions pierced his brain. Every bit of pain, regret, and guilt that he had forsaken had been forced into his mind.

The connection with the Servant of the Mirror was shattered.

Justin was staring at Sy as this happened.

He watched as the mirror on his face slowly faded away.

And he saw somebody he loved. He saw a connection that he had thrown away.

Tears streamed down his face.

“Z…brke…”

He tried speaking, but his voice box was too beat up. It pained him to speak. But he needed to force some words out.

Sy walked up to him and hovered over his dying body. Justin had used enough wind magic on his neck to survive the impact, but not enough to live much longer after that.

Sy covered his ears and yelled.

“Zbrke is dead! ZBRKE IS DEAD! I KILLED HIM! I KILLED HIM, UNCLE!”

Sy was trying his hardest not to cry.

Justin’s eyes were struggling to not fade as he spoke.

“Zbrke… I know you’re in there. You’re alive, aren’t you?”

Sy slammed his fist on the ground.

“H-He’s not! I-I-I I k-k-kill-killed him! When you l-lef-left… he died. He got e-ea-eaten b-by wolves i-in the forest. I-It’s my fault. I wa-wan-wanted somebody… somebody w-wh-who wou-uld nev-never l-leave me…”

Sy yelled.

“T-THAT WAS M-MY WISH! THAT WAS MY ONLY WISH!”

Justin grit his teeth as a tear ran down his face.

“Zbrke… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you. I’m sorry I forsook everything for you. I won’t be able to see you in heaven anymore.”

He took a deep breath.

“And for you… Sy. The person who stands in front of me right now. I do not know who you are. But I see you’ve found people you love. I see you’ve found somebody who will never leave you.”

Sy yelled louder.

“I WANTED YOU TO NEVER LEAVE ME! I WANTED TO SEE YOU THE NEXT DAY! I WANTED TO STOP HAVING THAT DREAM!”

Justin smiled softly.

“I know. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Sy grit his teeth.

Justin took his last breath as the life faded out of his body.

“Happy Birthday, Sy.”