All I Could Do That Night Was Cry...

I don’t remember much of what happened after watching my mother get impaled at the edge of the darkened pillar my father commanded. Nor do I really, like really, really, remember what I did to get to this point. I might have blacked out at one point…but once I came to, it was clear as dawn: Enoch Archangel - the Archangel King, and my father - lay dead at my knees, Ruby Garnet pushed to the hilt in the top of his head. Did I mention I’m 8 years old, by the way? Don’t worry, I didn’t even pay much attention to him at that point anyway; I was too focused on my mother’s lifeless body. Or so I thought.

“U-Urk…L-Lili?” she called, her voice barely above a whisper, yet still loud enough to stir me over, immediately resting her head on my lap.

“Yes, mother! I-I’m here! Don’t breathe too much-!!! No wait, j-just stay with me! Please, I beg of you, d-don’t leave me all alone, mommy! I-I’m scared; I-I don’t wanna feel alone again!” I blurted out, stammering on and on; I didn’t even know half of the things I was saying. I was an incoherent mess of hanging promises and tearful kisses at her temple. I even hinted at my past life at first, before eventually the floodgates opened; I wasn’t keeping any secrets anymore - I didn’t even care about that - I just wanted my family!

“L-Lilim…”

“! Yes, mother? Anything! I-I’ll get you some water–”

“Not that, dear…I-I need…to say this now, before I go to the great beyond…I know t-that you probably despise Enoch now…b-but…rest assured…I-I never once held a shred of regret…bringing you to this world. Y-You are…my destiny child…M-M-M-My precious carnation,” she said in between sobs, “I-I don’t care where or what made you…you…will…always…b-be mine. Mine…to claim…as…t-the new heir to the Leeuw clan…Y-You’re gonna need to be a big girl for mommy now; this world…i-it will break you inside and out if you are not careful. There is a long-running history of war here…p-power and corruption run deeper than a knife, Lili…but…w-with Archfiend in good hands, your hands at that…I-I know, deep in my heart, that you can make a difference…You have power beyond power now. Authority beyond authority. Wisdom, courage, and grace…That…is who you are, Lilim…Change the world, Lili. H-Hehe, it’s my final message…Goodbye…” With those final words, Leeuw’s free hand, caressing her daughter's cheek, fell cold and limp to the hard stone floor. Her eyes became distant, colorless. And of course, Leeuw chose to die…laughing. A spritely and goofy laugh. Such a sweet smile was fitting of her sense of humor… until her dying breath.

Despite my cries and pleas for her to come back, to not leave me alone, even shaking her lifeless body in the vain hope those bright blue eyes would open and say “Sike!” or something like that, I knew deep down that was never happening. The servants gathered, misters and maids alike, each equally stunned by the carnage, and my blood-soaked hands and clothes in the center of it all. I cried in her chest then, for what must’ve been hours. She believed in me so much, and I couldn’t do anything with that belief to save or even help her fight Enoch until it was too late. What kind of princess…no, queen. What kind of queen does that? With eyes red from tears, and a body that felt cold to the touch, I looked up; everyone who once served Enoch and my mother equally was in tears for me. Although even in grief, I couldn’t help but notice the obvious elephant not in the room: Samael was nowhere to be found.

“Y-Young lady?” asked one of the top butlers, “What happened here? Are you okay?”

“D-Does it look like it?!” I snapped, eyes suddenly like fire. Not a second later, though, did I pause and correct myself, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…I-It…it was a fight. Mother wanted to protect me from…‘him’ and he killed her…s-she was too weak to fight properly, and it’s all my fault…” I stood, dropping my head in hopes that I wouldn’t show them my tears anymore. The butler quietly approached and pulled me into his arms, stroking my hair like I was one of his own. Admittedly, it didn’t take long to break me again, and I cried in his arms.

“Shhhhh, it’s okay…we’ll take care of you, and serve you well, all of us swear it here and now, we will be there for your darkest days…Queen Lilim Archangel.”

“T-Thank you sir…thank you so much…”

A few miles out, on the outskirts of Yamo’s borders, I heard reports of a hooded man observing the castle for an unprecedented amount of time. Witnesses claimed that his cloak bore a certain crest on the back - I think I heard that it meant “Sympathizer,” no doubt referring to my bastard father. The man was of an average build, not too bulky but not too skinny either, and they could see the glistening moonlight in his eyes…No doubt that that was Samael to me. After all, he used to tuck me in - I always had a front row seat to the way his glasses shone in the moonlight.

News of the Archangel monarchy’s deaths spread like wildfire across the entire world. Our allied nations in Yamo grieved - mostly because bastard or not, Enoch’s strength did prove useful as a deterrent - at least some did, to my knowledge. Enemy nations in Epherus rejoiced, however, and immediately made preparations for a full frontal assault, thinking it would take just one good push before the kingdom would crumble to dust and blow away, forgotten by time. To them, except for that little boy across the fence, we Archangels were just evils meant to be slain like…well, demons. Honestly, I can’t blame them for thinking that - at the time, my head was too much of a mess to really function as a queen should, let alone for something as intense as wartime. Fortunately, I had the servants, whom I basically elected as a royal council of advisors. They dealt with those matters with extreme prejudice. It gave me time to retreat to my mother’s throne and lose myself in my reflections…and weep bitter tears.

“I hate feeling like this…I-I’m just some college kid out of her depth…I just wanted to be a kid again and grow up with parents who actually understood me; was that really so wrong? Am I being punished for just wanting something?...N-Now I need to be a queen, some great savior of my race. I gotta learn politics now, and elegance, and geographical landscapes, and how to harness magic to fight, and how to give speeches, and how to manage finances, and war, and–” It hit me then. I needed to learn about war…war…Mother said that Enoch used to be a merciful king, but his ambitions outgrew him, and he more or less became the tyrannical King of Wrath we all knew him to be. I’ll never forgive him…but considering that this war of light and dark led me to this moment, considering how my mother felt about me, I was reminded of a loose-handed term we always threw around when I lived as Heaven Matthews.

“World peace…” I finally said to myself, drying my eyes of the streams of tears around them, “Back on earth, my old parents just talked about it in a holy, kingdom sense…but it was never gonna happen back home. Too many stuck-up assholes, and too many shut-up hearts. It was just impossible…but in this other world, angels and presumably demons exist…that shouldn’t be possible either, yet it is. It’s real. Maybe…maybe it’s not so far-fetched here? Sure, tough as hell, but…not entirely impossible at least…Okay…I’ll do it…I’ll create world peace in this world. I’ll use my second chance…to make your dream come true.”

As I made the declaration, I sat up straight on my mother’s throne.

I was scared.

I was alone, but still looked high as best I could.

But then again, it felt like hours upon hours…All I could do that night was cry.