Bathhouse Debacle — I Lost to a Dog (Hot Spring Village Edition)

The morning sun rose gently over the horizon, burning away the mist and painting the trees gold. We stirred awake, sore but alive, the memory of last night’s battle with Mok’ragh still carved into our bones.

Luffy stretched beside me, letting out a mighty yawn-bark that sounded way too proud for someone who had literally unlocked guardian beast powers while I was bleeding out.

By the time we loaded the cart, the forest path gave way to cobbled stone roads and distant rooftops gleaming in the morning light.

“There it is,” Vanni said, pointing with his pipe. “Forest Village. The jewel of the hot springs.”

Steam rose in the distance, carrying the faint mineral scent of natural baths. Elegant tiled rooftops dotted the hillside, and banners fluttered lazily in the wind. The sound of rushing water echoed faintly, like the whole town was alive and breathing.

Naomi clasped her hands together, eyes sparkling. “A hot spring village! It’s like a dream!”

Lyssa, for once, didn’t even argue. She just let out a long sigh of relief. “Finally… a chance to relax.”

I groaned. “Oh, sure, now you’re happy. Where was this energy when I was nearly bisected last night?”

“Alive and tired is better than dead and tired,” Lyssa said simply, pulling her hood lower as if already imagining herself in a steaming bath.

We crossed the main gate, greeted by warm air and the faint scent of grilled food wafting from the taverns. Travelers and locals alike moved about with easy smiles, the exact opposite of the death-zone we’d crawled out of.

At the edge of the plaza, Vanni slowed his pace. He turned to us with a small, genuine smile.

“This is where I part ways, for now,” he said. “I’ve got business to tend to in the market, some old contacts to visit. But tonight—” he tapped his nose—“you’ll find me at the tavern. Drinks are on me.”

He patted the side of the cart. “Thank you, for everything. You kept this old man alive longer than luck alone ever could.”

Naomi beamed. Lyssa gave a curt nod. Luffy barked proudly, like yeah, you’d be dead without us.

As for me… I just smiled faintly. “Don’t get too comfortable, old man. You might actually miss us.”

Vanni chuckled, shaking his head. “Don’t flatter yourself, kid. But… you’ve got something good here. Don’t lose it.”

And with that, he strolled off toward the market, cloak fluttering behind him, leaving us staring at the heart of the hot spring capital.

“Baths first,” Naomi declared.

“Agreed,” Lyssa said.

I groaned. “Somehow I feel like I’m going to regret this.”

Luffy barked.

Translation: Yes, you will.

There are many sacred places in this world.

Temples. Shrines. Libraries filled with forbidden knowledge.

But for me?

It was the one place where dreams were reborn and sins were forgiven.

The public bathhouse. Especially considering it was a natural hot spring as well but that wasn’t what I was here for, no it was something more important something life changing.

And tonight, after a long day of arguing about who got the last muffin (Luffy won), Naomi insisting on reorganizing the pantry alphabetically by mana affinity, and Lyssa threatening to hex my mouth shut if I made “one more boob joke,” we finally agreed on one thing:

Bath time.

Of course, thanks to this world’s progressive but clearly cruel rules, the genders were separated.

Lyssa, Naomi, and Luffy went left.

I, sad and alone, went right.

Now, let me be clear—I was not jealous.

Not at all.

I was furious.

Why did the damn dog get to go with them?! Sure, he’s a good boy. Sure, he’s fluffy and loyal. Sure, he once took down a giant centipede with a stick. But still!

“I was the one who saved us from the slimes yesterday,” I muttered, sinking deeper into the hot water of my side of the bath. “I deserve equal soap privileges.”

Meanwhile, on the other side of the paper-thin wooden divider…

“Naomi, your boobs are floating.”

“Gravity doesn’t apply to love or blessed density!”

“You’re seriously annoying.”

“Eep! Lyssa, that tickled!”

“You’re the one flaunting them like balloons at a goddess convention!”

Splash!

“Stop that, Luffy’s watching!”

Bark.

Bark bark.

I closed my eyes, water dripping from my chin.

This was fine. I wasn’t bitter.

I was just… curious.

For tactical reasons, of course.

What if Naomi had a weakness?

What if Lyssa was actually softening up?

What if Luffy was giving away all my secrets to the enemy?

I had to know.

I stared up at the old stone wall separating the baths.

It was mossy. Slippery. Questionably climbable.

“Just a peek,” I whispered. “For scouting purposes.”

I stood. Towel tied around my waist. Determination in my soul. Absolutely no shame in my heart.

Climbing the wall was a mistake.

I realized that halfway up, when my foot slipped and I nearly lost my grip.

But I kept going.

Halfway.

Then three-quarters.

Then—

“Ren,” Lyssa’s voice echoed like doom from the other side.

I froze.

A single eye peeking over the edge.

Steam swirled below.

Naomi and Lyssa were… very wet. Very close.

Wrestling.

It looked like a hentai fever dream if I’m being honest.

And Luffy?

He was lounging in a tiny tub of his own, cucumber slices on his eyes, living his best spa life.

“Lucky bastard…” I muttered.

That’s when the spell hit me.

“Pervert Gale: Divine Peeping Termination Edition!”

I flew backwards like a badly drawn cartoon character.

Slammed into the back wall.

Slid down like a sad, soggy noodle.

Sizzle. Steam.

“W-Worth it…” I croaked.

From the other side, Lyssa’s voice boomed:

“STUPID. PEEPING. TOM.”

I lay in the water, twitching.

Luffy barked once.

Probably laughing.

Naomi called out gently, “Are you okay, Ren? I brought bath snacks!”

I groaned.

My pride hurt more than my spine.

Bath snacks weren’t going to fix this.

(…But I’d still eat them.)

Later that night, back at home, I was lying on the floor with an ice pack on my head.

Naomi was humming in the kitchen.

Lyssa hadn’t said a word since we left the bathhouse.

Luffy, traitor to men, was snuggled up with the girls.

I opened one eye.

“Hey Lyssa… can I ask you something?”

She glanced down from her perch on the couch.

“…What.”

“…Did you enjoy the bath?”

Her response was instant.

“Pervert Gale. Level Two.”

I woke up under the table.

Again.

[Side Note]

Luffy’s Bathhouse Stats:

Ren’s Dignity:

Error 404: Not Found

Later that night Back in our temporary inn, I was lying on the floor with an ice pack on my head.

Naomi hummed in the kitchen.

Lyssa hadn’t said a word since the bathhouse incident.

Luffy, traitor to men, was snuggled up with the girls like a pampered prince.

I opened one eye.

“Hey Lyssa… can I ask you something?”

She glanced down from her perch on the couch.

“…What.”

“…Did you enjoy the bath?”

Her response was instant.

“Pervert Gale. Level Two.”

I woke up under the table.

Again.

The next day, with sore muscles and slightly bruised egos, we met Vanni in the village tavern.

After one last round of roasted boar and chilled ale (Luffy got a bone the size of a sword), we sat around the fireplace, toasting to survival.

“You’ve got guts, kid,” Vanni said, slapping me on the back. “And bad luck with walls.”

I choked on my drink. “Thanks… I think.”

He laughed. “You deserve this.”

He pulled out a lacquered wooden box from beneath his cloak and set it on the table.

Inside was a smooth obsidian amulet etched with glowing silver runes.

[RECEIVED: Shadowveil Amulet]

Grants user and nearby party members access to: [Stealth Mode Lv. 1]

*- Temporarily renders wearer invisible to monsters and detection spells.

I blinked. “This is…”

“A backup plan,” Vanni said, eyes serious for once. “For next time you run into something you can’t beat. We all need one.”

Lyssa nodded silently. Naomi smiled and adjusted her ponytail. Luffy, still chewing, gave an approving “Ruff.”

Vanni took a final swig from his mug.

“This village… it’s my home. I was planning to settle in, maybe open a magic goods shop, teach idiot kids how to throw daggers and not die.”

He stood and grinned. “But if the world throws another monster like that Goblin King at you, and you don’t use that amulet—I’m hunting you down myself.”

I smirked. “You’ll miss us, won’t you?”

He didn’t answer.

Just raised his mug.

“To good drinks, better dogs, and idiots who peek over walls.”

We clinked glasses.