A Future to Look Forward To

Her small body flinches at the words spoken without any delicacy. My gaze continues to stare into the dark as hers becomes clouded.

"They're nothing more than a memory in your head."

Peo has tried her hardest not to cry in front of people, not me or anyone else. Now, her emotions are threatening to tear through her skin and bone to find a way out. Every cell in her body wants to scream, wants to deny the truth. Grief and rage seemingly cause the floor to rumble beneath her trembling form.

"Don't waste time worrying about the dead. If you're so bored…"

Her claws begin to curl inwards, tasting its own blood. A mouth hidden beneath a wall of silver grinds its blades in a silent snarl. I should fear for my life at the anger mixed within, but I continue to speak. The words prior were delivered with force, but the ones I say next are the opposite.

"Then start thinking about what you want to do in the future."

"...Hm?"

The young beast stops trembling in her confusion. Inquisitive eyes finally reveal their glistening gems to me. Behind the streaks that trail down her face is a face filled with life.

"You don't have anything left, so live for yourself. Travel the world, enact vengeance, start a farm, just do something. Only you can choose what to live for, but don't waste it on a pile of ash."

Were these words that I told myself in the past? Knowing me, I likely already knew them as obvious. Even adults struggle to handle loss, so a kid like Peo understandably doesn't know what to do. I've witnessed victims of my own deeds wallow in despair for the remainder of their lives, unable to accept that which I've taken. Wives, husbands, and children left behind slowly withering away beneath the weight of their grief. It's a fate that nobody would shame, but I will not accept it for the young girl in front of me.

I stare her in the eye and give her my own selfish aid.

"If you don't have any ideas, then be my shield. I'll keep you around until you find something you want to do."

She is neither a use to me nor to herself the way she is now. How can I be satisfied with my decision to give her a second chance at life if she doesn't wish to use it? I've forced upon us both my role as her guardian, that means my job is to prepare her for a world past these walls. Taking care of her forever isn't feasible, and I'm certain that she wouldn't want to be tied down either.

I look down at the head of sandy hair with the same expression I show a target at the end of my gun's barrel. Mercy is not something that I've been historically found to offer.

"Be useful in the meantime. I'm risking my life to give us a future, so I won't accept you not pulling your weight. You're capable, so don't pretend to be otherwise."

A cold wind follows me as I step away from the ocean below. I can feel a pair of green watching my every move towards the bed. At the edge of our mattress, I turn back to look at the young girl.

"I won't leave you as long as you can do that."

"C…"

Although Peo's voice is hoarse, she still makes the effort to say my name. The young girl trots across the room and takes a seat next to me atop the sheets. There are no more tears, but she stares at her hands as if seeing a map without ink.

"Are there…nice things…to do?"

Her words send me back. It feels like long lost history at this point. The event may no longer exist in this continuity, but the walls of that airport still look the same.

"Is there something nice out there?"

It was a serious question, one directed at an aged man in a delicate black suit. If his grey hair wasn't enough to reveal his age, the wrinkles certainly were.

"Something so nice that you would choose to retire, H?"

"I'm not H anymore. Just Harrison."

The old man pats me on the shoulder with the hand not holding his suitcase. Five years have passed since I first joined the organisation and worked under his command. He still had many years left in him, but he put it all to an end today.

His rough hand keeps its position as we turn to look at the screen of flights above.

"I've had a long run, Clark. This job has sent me all over the world, but I never took the time to enjoy any of it."

My eyes land on one flight in particular, one preparing to board within the next few minutes. The words along its line read 'Hawaii'.

"I hear that those islands are nice, so I'll start there. Maybe I'll find somewhere nice to settle down for a while."

"People alone at your age often die within a couple years of retirement."

"Haha, perhaps! Considering what I've done in my career, maybe somebody would be happy about that!"

His hand slowly lowers to rest within his pocket. Other passengers in the area begin to stir as well, many walking past us to get closer to the gate.

"I want a bit of peace after all this fighting. Maybe I'll get back into fishing, just like the good old days of sitting at the river with my rod for hours on end."

"Sounds quite mundane."

"It is, but I think that's what I need. Something nice to ease me into the future."

A voice on the speaker speaks up as the doors open. The slow trickle of people move around us and onto the airplane, causing a constant beeping with the scanning of their tickets.

"I always knew that one day I would have to live a life without my gun."

With each scan, the time we have left grows shorter and shorter.

"So I tried giving it some thought. In the end, I couldn't come up with anything. That's why I decided to give myself some extra time."

He grips the handle of his suitcase and begins walking away. The world around me starts to fade as his back is the only one left in view.

"Time to find something nice to do for the rest of my days. I'm sure such things exist. If normal people can enjoy life, then it shouldn't be impossible for agents of our caliber. Wouldn't you say, Clark?"

He turns back for one moment and waves just as he reaches the gate.

"Don't work too hard! There is plenty of life to live after your service."

The old man scans his ticket and disappears into the tunnel leading into the plane. It was the last time I would ever see Harrison, but his words have found their way back to me. Calling it wisdom would be strange considering his own uncertainty, but I don't hate the way his words ring through my head.

"Who knows."

My response to Peo almost makes me laugh. She asked about the future from somebody without one, so it was to be expected. However, I still feel confident in my words.

"But I'm sure there is. We need only find it."

I've only ever looked as far as my next mission. Things like finding a place to settle down or finding something to occupy myself, they were never a concern. Even as comrades disappeared forever to pursue a new life, I always stayed and did the dirty work. It was what I wanted to spend my days doing, but that job is no more. Being forcefully retired from my past life brought up questions that I wasn't prepared to answer.

"For now, let's focus on surviving until the time comes."

Peo attempts to nod, but my hand reaches her head first. Something about playing with her thick hair is relaxing.

"I'll take my turn as usual. You know when to wake me."

I stand from my spot on the mattress and move to my normal sleeping spot. Laying on my side, I close my eyes. Before sleep can take me, I hear a shuffling and feel a presence just beside my pillow.

"Dream kindly…C."

Peo sits and leans back against the headboard, heat from her small body reaching me as I fall into darkness.