The Rain

     The rain never stops this time of year, coming down in sheets. The way it hits the metal roof of the shed-turned-bedroom makes it sound like the clashing of swords. The young woman no longer startles at the sound as she lethargically scrolls through her phone. Noon has long passed but she is still in her pajamas—yesterdays clothes, more like— still laying in bed. The room is a mess, a complete disaster, piles of clothes and dishes are everywhere, the one plant in the room is dead or soon to be. By all accounts, the bedroom matched its resident perfectly.

     A chirp from her phone draws her attention and her eyes wander to the top of the screen.         

     [Amane, your father and I have gone out for the evening. Get out of bed and start studying, I want to see you at the table with books open when we get back. You’re going to be an adult soon, start acting like it. No excuses.]

     Amane stares at the words, a sigh escaping her lips before she closes her phone and lets it fall to her chest. Aches shoot through her entire body—her back, her stomach, her feet, her chest. Her head felt ready to burst, and her eyes throb with a relentless pain. She had always been a sick child, but this illness seemed determined to haunt her into adulthood, following her every step like a particularly persistent ghost…

     Except she wasn’t sick, now was she? Not really. Dozens of doctors visits, all saying the same: there’s nothing wrong with her, save a vitamin deficiency. She’s attention seeking, drug seeking, she’s wasting all their money. Amane didn’t want to give excuses, but she had nothing else to give, what else could she say?

     She lays on her bed in silence, listening to the pounding rain, eyes closed. Harsh as it was, as much as it hurt sometimes, Amane knew her mom only wanted her to succeed, or at least scrape by as best as she could.

     'The rain suits me.’ She thinks to herself, as lightning strikes in the distance. Her stomach twists in a different pain now, a loud growl cut through the silence and the rain. She hasn’t eaten all day and soon that fact would definitely have consequences. Amane sighed again, not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to move. She checked the time, 3:47 p.m., if she was going to get food she should do it now.

     Begrudgingly, she slides out of bed, looking for her slippers under the piles of clothes. Her unkempt hair keeps falling in her face, getting in the way, making her search more difficult.

     ‘I should schedule an appointment with a hair dresser… Maybe tomorrow.’

     Eventually, after finding only one slipper, she gives up and decides to walk to the main house barefoot. Her ‘room’ was once a shed, at one point filled with unused gardening items and ten thousand spiders, but after a lot of time and effort, Amane had transformed it into her personal haven. Her mom and step-dad didn’t understand why she decided to live in the shed, of all places, it was so inconvenient they thought, so far away from everyone. But that was the point. Amane didn’t know how to tell them it was because it was hard being around them.

     ‘When did it start?’ She wonders, once again. It wasn’t always so hard to be around other people, especially her family. But she knows when it started.

     Being so sick as a child caused her to miss a lot of school. Even with private tutoring, returning in middle school was a struggle. The academics were challenging, but the other kids were far worse. Children can be so cruel. They teased her, spread rumors, and purposely excluded her from group activities.

     But one girl, a classmate named Erika, seemed to make it her personal mission to make Amane’s school life a living hell. After Erika discovering the boy she liked had a fleeting interest in her, Erika engineered it into a social taboo for anyone to associate with Amane, to even talk to her. After that, being around other people, especially strangers, made her physically ill, and it only got worse as she grew older.

     Amane pushes the dividing curtain aside before pulling warped wooden door open. The rain feels good on Amane’s skin, but lingering in the rain was counterproductive to the current mission, so she quickly made her way inside the main house through the back door, which her parents made sure to always leave unlocked for her. All the lights were off, the house silent. Amane didn't bother turning any of them on; the buzzing sound they made only worsened her headaches.

     She stands in the middle of the kitchen for a moment, thinking about what she should make. She opens the fridge, but, of course, no dice, only a rotten tomato and a single slice of deli meat. Amane just wants something quick and easy, surely there must be something? The cabinets are just as bare, the pantry empty save for the rolls of paper towels, she slams the door in frustration.

     “Are they trying to starve me out?” She asks herself. Her hands are starting to shake ever so slightly, her head pounding. She lets her head fall back, staring at the ceiling, takes a deep breath and mutters to herself, “...I want a burger.”                                                                                       

                                                                                     ~     

It’s magical what a twenty minute shower and some moderately clean clothes can do for a person. Amane’s hair is still wet, held back by a messier than desired bun, and there’s a noticeable grease stain on the front of her hoodie, but she doesn’t smell anymore and her hair is no longer stringy, so it will have to do. The convenience store is at the other end of the block and with no car, in the rain, she’ll have to be quick if she wants to get back in time to at least pretend she was studying before people start to get home.

     She quickly slips into a pair of old flip flops, she doesn’t bother taking an umbrella with her, as the wind will just bat it around and she doesn’t feel like wrangling an umbrella. She opens the front door, the wind blasting her in the face, and steps out into the rain once again. Amane tugs the hood over her head, locking the door behind her as she quickly makes her way down the drive.

     She’s only made it around the bend and already her back and feet are aching, as if gravity is too much for her. It probably doesn’t help that she’s been lying down much more these days. Still, she was hungry, and food is just a block away. So she deals with the discomfort, even as the constant aches and pains make her wonder if living like this is truly worth it.

     The rain comforts her, in a way, in its intensity, battering away the gray thoughts and the tedium of little aches and pains. When did it start to become so gray? Surely it wasn’t always so difficult? She couldn’t remember a time when it wasn’t so hard, so painful, so… pointless. Her spine felt like it was about to snap, and she could only take a deep breath and sigh. She looked up, briefly, at the patchy, dark gray sky and its unending downpour, rain drops hitting her face.

     A buzzing in her pocket catches her attention, fishing her phone out, she reads the caller ID: Mama.

     “Hello?” Amane answers, coming to a stop at a crosswalk as she waited for the light to turn green.

     “Amane, it’s your mother. Your father and I won’t be home today, maybe not tomorrow either, we’re going to see Grandma, she isn’t doing well.” Her mom says in clipped words.

     “Oh,” Amane said, taken aback. That can’t be right, Grandma had always been so healthy, in fact, Amane couldn’t recall the last time the woman had been ill.

     “Is she gonna be okay?”

     “We aren’t sure yet,” Her mom replied. “The doctors were talking about a potential stroke, but we’ll have to see when we get to the hospital.” The light turned green, and without a second thought Amane began to cross.

     She scoffed, “A stroke? Grandma? Not a chance.”

     “I know, I know, but that’s what the doctors–” The blaring of a car horn and the screeching of tires made Amane’s eyes snap up. She sees a silver truck, headlights off, a dark star.

     The rain stopped.