A funny conversation

For a long time I sat in the room, alone, reflecting on all the recent conversations and arguments, playing back and forth, picking pieces of dialogues up and then apart, turning them around, exploring the possibilities, missed opportunities, potential mistakes…

That was my usual way of learning: analyzing, picking apart, optimizing in my head, storing it, memorizing it. That works great with tools and machines, unfortunately not so much with living beings. Their behaviour is, while limited, still inherently unpredictable. And Lily’s words’d sowed doubts into my mind.

How trustworthy were the girls really? Up to now they had helped me incredibly, although my use for the time being had run out for now. We escaped the hostile dragons and the caldera oasis, from here on they’d have no trouble continuing on their own.

Still: Did they see me as an asset right now? An exploitable asset with knowledge, abilities and imagination beyond their capabilities (of course only because I came from another world)? What were their plans for me? Lily had said she could vouch for her and her companions, but when I applied her preach about reasonable caution to her too, how much could I trust any word from her?

I ran into a paradox here I couldn’t really solve: If I took the words from Lily to my heart, wouldn’t I be obliged to disregard them at the same time? And if I disregarded them, wouldn’t that mean, to be more trusting than she wanted me to be?

Dammit! Machines and tools were never paradoxical! They were either consistent in itself, then they worked. Every inconsistency and they’d stop working. Living beings sadly not…

I was still cracking my brain over all this when the door opened again and Illyára stepped in. The beautiful ælven girl seemed well rested and approached with an encouraging smile. Instantly all my doubts and reflections vanished like fresh smoke. Well, almost. I intended to be more on guard this time.

“Don’t feel down because of Lily’s lectures.” she said in her beautiful, almost singing voice.

“She has a painful history and learned the hard way, how trust can be betrayed in the most hurtful ways.”

She shook her head, seeing my questioning face.

“I’m not going to tell her history. When she is ready, she will do it herself, on her own. When the time is right for her.”

I nodded. That was only fair.

“But what should I do now? What is your advice? Regarding Lily I should trust nobody and reveal as little about myself as possible.”

She laughed.

“Well, that’s not the worst advice, I’d think.” she said cheerfully. “On the contrary, I think it's a great advice! The only thing to consider is: Where do you draw the line?”

Her unsettingly bright eyes bore into me.

“Lily is a deeply wounded person. She draws the line a lot earlier and narrower than Reeza or I would do. We can read a person’s mind, so it’s much easier for us to judge character. Lily can’t do that, so she feels much more insecure around people she doesn’t know.”

A terrible suspicion arose in me.

“Have you read my mind?” I blurted, not able to hold this question back.

Illyára’s face instantly got very serious.

She shook her head.

“No. Reeza’s ‘swipe’ at the very beginning was the only incident. We agreed with each other that we would never link our minds with you again without your specific consent. I swear to it!”

“But you link your minds regularly, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

She nodded.

“With Lily too.”

“Yes.”

She nodded again.

“But it took a long time and we really had to earn her trust. Still she doesn’t like it very much and tries to avoid it as much as possible. But sometimes it’s the easiest way to share information and also much more efficient than spoken words.”

I nodded. Then I shook my head.

“I think I’m not ready for that yet.” I admitted. “So please, refrain further from doing it.”

I felt silly as soon as these words’d left my mouth. What chance would I have if the girls decided they had to do it anyway, against my wishes? They were far superior to me on that turf and could overpower me as easily as a child.

But Illyára nodded in earnest.

“I already promised it. And I won’t break it.”

I smiled. Not a very bright smile, but nonetheless.

“So, may I ask: How does Lily learn to trust strangers?”

“By taking her time.” Illyára answered immediately.

“Lily takes a lot of time, observing, analyzing, pondering, considering. She often jabs other people and takes in their reaction. It often looks as if she’s judging prematurely, but that’s not the case. Mostly it’s part of her strategy to just sense you out.”

I had to laugh.

“How would she feel, knowing you are revealing her secrets right now?”

She joined my laughter.

“Well, she trusts you already on a level deep enough to be alright for her. Though I’m not sure she would do it herself. Sometimes I’m just helping her too. You know, she cares deeply about you.”

That caught me off guard.

“What?! Why?!”

Illyára paused briefly, looking up at the ceiling.

“Well,” she eventually said. “I think she is touched by your childlike purity and ingenious brilliance.”

She laughed again when she saw my face.

“You're pulling my leg!” I protested, when her laughter grew into a fit.

“Just a little bit!” she giggled when she finally got some air.

“Oh Yurá! You really just have to speak the truth and nobody is going to believe it!”

What an airhead! But I suspected a strategy behind that.

“So I should still go around and spill the beans that I come from another world and possess knowledge and abilities nobody else on Liyúra does, when we arrive in Tóràbun?” I asked sarcastically.

She started laughing again, but shook her head.

“No, no, that’s an entirely different situation! You can do that just when you are sure, there is no way your counterpart would believe it, and you are sure, you’re not attracting unwanted attention!”

I was still trying to figure out how serious she meant her earlier comment, but seeing her amused expression I was sure she'd just taunt me more if I probed her about it.

“Regarding Reeza,” she got serious again. “You need to be aware that her first ‘swipe’, that accidentally grew into a deep mind probe, created a spiritual connection between you two and left its mark on both of you. So when you have the feeling of a mutual understanding between you and her, you are probably right. She already knows you much better than any of us, so be aware that there might be budding feelings from her side.”

Again she laughed when she spotted my alarmed expression. I wasn’t ready for a relationship on that level!

“Relax, there is no immediate ‘danger’ as far as I know.” she chuckled. “Wouldn’t want any emotional ‘entanglement’ on this dangerous journey that might cloud our judgement, don’t we?”

I just shook my head.

“Then why are you implying it in the first place?”

Her face got serious again.

“Ælves and daimon are very honest people. We are the oldest sentient races on Liyúra and learned through our long history that lies and deception only lead to temporary gains. The other races are younger and still believe that external appearance matters more than internal content.”

She looked at me again with her unsettling eyes.

“When I open up to you, it's because I know I can trust you. Not because of mind reading, but because I’m also an empath.”

“What?!”

Again I was caught off guard.

Of course she laughed again! Very funny conversation!

“Relax, every healer is to some extent also an empath. We have to be able to get a feeling for our patients without reading their minds. But there is more.”

Her mood swung back to serious.

“I care about you, because you are special on so many levels. More: you are unique! You come from another world and are carrying a special soul in your core.”

She extended her strangely formed, long fingered, double thumbed hand towards my chest, but without touching me physically. But I felt touched in an unexplainable, ethereal way, as if an invisible being brushed very gently against something residing deep in my very being. It wasn’t unpleasant, but it was unexpected and I flinched.

Immediately her hand jerked back and the door was yanked open, Lily’s herculean frame filling the entrance.

“Hey, you merry chaps! We’ve finally arrived at our first depot!”