My Wish

Charlotte’s Perspective:

Playing with my sister near the old oak tree we have in our backyard, there is a direct view to our Papa’s study and the large two story window that over looks the yard. She plays with a toy bow and arrow that she shoots at a target of hay that our Papa set up while I play something that requires a bit more dexterity, fetch with our dog Ruby, an all black sheepdog. The fuzzy beast brings over the ball I just tossed as I go to throw once more.

“Lotty, can you show me how to do this again?” I toss the ball as I look at my sister, she’s struggling to pull back the string while at the same time, hold the arrow up so she can fire it.

Being the older sibling that I am, I walk over to her and show her once more, she leans into my body as I position her arms just so. The hay bale that’s only a few feet away from her since she’s four years younger then I at six. Ruby comes trotting over, plopping the ball on the ground and barking once to get my attention as I finish positioning Sasha’s arms.

“Let her fly.” I tell my sister excitedly as I back away from her and she does, the arrow flying though the air and sticks into the ground next to the hay. She has yet to hit the target, but is just as excited as she laughs and races to get the arrow once more, as it’s her only one.

I walk over at Ruby and bend down to pick up the ball she brought back but what I see instead in a flopping gold fish. As I scream before staring at it and Sasha running over to me with her toy. “Lotty, what is it?”

“It’s a gold fish I think, there isn’t any water around, how did it get into the middle of the woods…Ruby, where’d you find this?”

She barks and goes to pick up the small flopping fish as I go and grab it, while my sister squeals. “Don’t pick it up…”

“If we don’t get it back in some water it’s going to die.” I tell her, holding it in the palm of both my hands, like a bowl as I run back home, “Come along now.” I tell my sister and she races after me. My Mama and Papa both looking out the large window at us as we race across the backyard for the door to Papa’s study, one with a stain glass rose window.

My sister quickly follows after she grabs her arrow and shouts for Ruby to follow.

We’d get home not long after and my Papa brought out a small bowl, but when I put the fish in to the water, it floated back up to the surface.

“You sure you saw it flopping around?” My papa asked and I nod as Sasha went to join our Mama elsewhere in the house, Papa wanted to make sure Sasha wasn’t around. “There is a pond farther back in the woods, I haven’t mentioned it to you but you may have saved it if you want deeper into the woods.

“I did…I think…and there is?” I’m not so sure anymore as Papa takes the bowl and asks me to follow him. I do so as we head to the bathroom on the first floor of our home and he lifts the toilet seat. I watch him pour the water and the fish down into the toilet and stare, “why are we flushing it?”

He doesn’t have any expression to speak of as he stares at the toilet bowl, “we’re flushing it because I don’t want it rotting in the garbage.” He’s frank with me, because I do understand at least a little after he scolded me for killing a black and brown caterpillar that had gotten into our bedroom from when we where playing outside and I freaked out.

He got out a book for Sasha and I that showed us how Caterpillars metamorphism into beautiful butterflies. Although I had killed the caterpillar that turns into a moth. He would have wanted me to pick it up and release it back outside instead, which is why this came to mind when I brought the fish to Papa today.

He presses the handle as waters pour in from all around and the waters spiral, making a whirlpool as I watch the fish in the current before it vanishes down the drain. “It was already dead when Ruby picked it up.” My Papa tells me, leaving the bathroom while I stare at the swirling waters of the toilet as it slowly refills.

“Get ready for school, I need to dive you there, and later, we’re going to the zoo, so look forward to seeing live animals and forget about this.” He says eagerly.

Leaving the bathroom, I do as I am told, reading myself along side my sister as we’re in similar sun dresses, mine a white, with blue band around it’s waist while her’s is a yellow. Then we depart for school.

Later, my head in the clouds, my mind wanders about all the animals I’ll be seeing later today at the Zoo after where done here at school, our folks are going to pick us up in a few hours and I can’t wait. I’ve been bagging my Papa and Mama to take us to the zoo for ages, and now they finally are. I can’t wait.

Kicking my legs out as I swing forward, the lone maple tree in the school yard carries the rope swing that I’m playing on while the rest of the class play with one another, and my sister slumbers while resting against the tree. Our teacher, Mrs. Killeen sits on a stool she brings out everyday while in her hands a book of nursery rhymes she often reads from.

I kick again, the warmth of the summer breeze nice against my skin, the sun, shadowing us, and telling me it’s noon. I bring my legs back underneath me, then kick once more. A few boys approach us, one of them a bully as he would poke people with his pencils or pull other girls hair. Seth, a bald boy with buckteeth and a round body dressed in brown slacks, a pale brown plaid button up long sleeve shirt and black tie which he has tucked into his breast pocket and matching flat cap tilted on his head.

He reaches for the swing string and jerks me to a stop as I let out an exasperated cry, seeing him coming and knowing who he is, I expected as much. I notice Sasha stir from the corner of my eyes as I am halted.

“Let me swing.”

“Wait your turn, you yutz.”

“It’s my turn, you’ve been on it for too long.”

The two other boys, in similar attire nod in agreement, but I don’t recognize them. They don’t go to school and are probably farm hands for their parents if I recall correctly Seth’s small group of acquaintances. Seth being a leader to them which I just can’t see, nor understand. “Yah.”

“Recess is almost over,” I plead instead, not wanting to start a fight, though my Papa always told me to be ready for one as I’ll never know when one is coming. Having only two daughters, myself and Sasha who is younger then I, he has placed me on active duty, to protect not only myself but her as well. “When the bell rings I’ll be off the swing and you can skip class like you usually do to play and fool around.”

“Not going to happen, I want on it now.” He shouts, but on a hushed breath. We’re far enough away from the school and the kids closer by are making a ruckus that Mrs. Killeen wouldn’t be able to hear him.

“Leave Lotty alone you fat head,” My sister is standing next to us, staring at Seth who’s almost twice her size.

“Stay out of this.” He places a hand on her shoulder, pushing her backwards as she trips over a flowerbed fence near the edge of the school grounds and into the garden full of tulips and other such plants, and falls onto her buttocks crushing a few of them. I get out of the swing, glaring at him. “Are you going to allow me to swing now?” He asks and I nod, only for the bell to ring and Mrs. Killeen look up from her book as Seth reaches a hand full of my long black hair and pulls hard, “Stupid broad!”

“Mr. Seth!” Mrs. Killeen shouts at him and my hair is released as I go to help Sasha stand, walking back toward the school as Mrs. Killeen strides past us, “Get back to class you two, I’ll be there shortly.”

Approaching the steps to the single room school house, I stop Sasha, “Let me pat you down, your bottoms all dusty and we don’t want you a mess when Papa and Mama get here to take us to the Zoo later.”

She smiles, “I’m really looking forward to it, I’m glad you suggested it to them.” I nod, thinking the same thing, as I stare at the ground around us, the air has been dry and humid the past couple of days so all the ground that’s not covered by grass is cracked and barren. I finish tiding her up as I take her hand and lead her up the stairs to the doors as I pull one open, taking one last look, I wander if the animals at the Zoo would be alright on a hot day like it is today.

We enter our classroom with many school desks lining the room like church pews in front of the Mrs. Killeen’s desk.

She soon enters the room shortly after I have already take my seat, and Sasha takes hers a few chairs back from mine. Seth enters behind her while the other two that weren’t from our school where sent home. She looks a bit flustered as she checks the roster, making she all her students are present. Smiling that they are, her lips part, “Well, I think we’ll hold off on the rest of our history lesson for an impromptu and fun idea I thought up late last night while gazing at the stars.”

Most of our class is filled with girls, ten of us, including my sister and I. I look back to her, wanting to talk with her, but that’s why we’re apart from one another—I would be talking with her otherwise—I got the ruler from Mrs. Killeen, but she is a nice teacher overall as she draws a simple star on the blackboard.

Her lovely blond locks falling over her shoulders as I recall her affinity for nursery rhymes and fairy tales. She’s read Goldilocks a number of times to us as its what her mother and father always called her growing up. Although I think her actual name is Kathleen.

She stares at the class with her large forestry eyes, the same color the leaves turn when they’re just starting to bloom, a very bright and soft green color. “Do any of you know the nursery rhyme for wishing upon a star?”

A few raise their hands, including my sister who is then called upon. “Yes, Mrs. Sasha.”

She stands, then states the rhyme. “Star Light, star bright, first star I see tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might. Have this wish, I wish tonight.” She gently bows to our teacher then goes back to sitting down. Her brown hair tide loosely in a bun she did up for herself without Mama’s help because she’s a big girl now. Her similarly colored eyes lighten up as Mrs. Killeen claps and congratulates her.

“Very good, that is correct.” She goes to her desk, and pulls out some supplies, “everyone, please rise your hands and state a wish you would like to have or see, it can be anything.”

While she is rummage around a boy rises his hand and she calls on him, “I wish my Pa wouldn’t have to go to war.”

“As would we all,” Mrs. Killeen says, standing with a stack of papers in one arm, while the other has a box. “Who else here has a wish they’d like to share as I pass these around?”

A girl next to me rises her hand and is called upon, “I wish for a pony…or better yet, something large enough for me to ride, like my Brutus.”

“Brutus is your Great Dane correct?” She nods, Mrs. Killeen then follows up, “Wishing for either a pony, or something large enough for you to ride means you also have to take care of that animal. Are you prepared for that?”

She nods, “yes, ma’am.”

“Even an elephant?”

Another, “yes, ma’am.” To which she laughs.

A boy in back is called upon next. “I wish to be like my father, and learn about God.”

“Theology is a tough subject to learn about from what I hear, but very doable. I’m sure your Pa will be proud that you’re following his footsteps.”

“I wish to see a ghost!” Another boy shouts as Seth punches him in the arm and he plays along. Punching his friend back. Seth states his own wish, “I want to see dinosaurs like at the natural history museum, but alive.

Mrs. Killeen is silent as she trying to think of a response to encourage them but her expression tell me as he pass me a box of crayons and paper that she’s not sure what to say.

Behind us, my sister then rises her hand, and without being called upon like the last few, she blurts out, “I wish everyone had butterfly wings and could fly together.”

The class falls still at her wish, as Mrs. Killeen pauses from handing out the supplies and looks at her. “Very imaginative, Mrs. Sasha.” She then looks back to where I am sitting, “Mrs. Lotty, do you have as vivid of an imagination as your sister? What is your wish?”

I’ve been watching her the whole time, never giving an extra thought to myself as I look at her surprised, “I’m not sure I have one, I want to think about it more.”

“You could go on an adventure, like in those books,” the girl who wished for something large enough to ride suggests. “Filled with action and suspense, maybe even frighten you a bit.” She smiles and Mrs. Killeen comments.

“Wishing for adventure takes courage, the characters in those story never know what is happening next to them and are at the whim of the author. But it could be exciting.”

My sister speaks up on my behalf instead as my mind is elsewhere…

“She’s more exited about us going to the zoo after we’re done with class Mrs. Killeen.” Sasha answers for me, knowing me well, and that yes, my mind is on the zoo, having never gone to one before. I am very excited about this.

“What my sister said is true, I am quite looking forward to exploring the zoo with my Papa and Mama.”

She nods, having walked around the whole classroom while handing out all the supplies. She comes to a stop at the front of the class before the chalk board. “Pull your desk together to share the crayons, get into groups of three or four.”

Clatter and scraping sounds on the hard wood floors are heard as we do as we’re told. Getting into our groups, Seth is the odd man out as I’m already in a group of four, my sister included with Chuck who wanted to learn about God, and Stephanie who wanted a mount.

Seth looks dishearten that no one wants to group with him as the Mrs. Killeen walks back to him, “Now is a good time to apologies to them, maybe they’ll let you in their group.” She leads Seth over to us, and I glare at him, not liking the idea at all.

“Mrs. Killeen…

“Lotty,” She answers me, “boys do stupid things, and even stupider things if they like a girl, he probably likes you which is why he bullies you.”

“I do not!” He yells to laughter from everyone else as he’s grows quiet now. Blushing and maybe she has a point. I let a smile come to my lips.

“Very well, Seth, I’ll hear your apology, after all you like me.” I use the idea Mrs. Killeen suggest and he blush more.

“I do not.” He says now, under his breath and I stare at him.

“Well, I am waiting for the apology.”

“I’m sorry.” He utters as if those words are hard to crawl out of his mouth, but Sasha smile.

“My sister accept your apology, she’s not very good at showing her feelings.”

“Sasha!” I yell at her but she keeps her smile.

“He apologized, and when he pushed me, it didn’t hurt, I’m a big girl.”

“Lair.” I tell her but stare at Seth’s buckteeth and accept his apology.

Mrs. Killeen heads back to the front of the class room while Seth joins his desk with our group. We await our instructions, but Sasha has already dug into the crayons and began drawing as Mrs. Killeen writes the rhyme on the board, “Class, use the supplies I’ve given you and draw what you wish for. At the end of our time together today, please bring your completed drawing or what ever you’ve gotten done and I’ll hang them up around the room.”

The others at our makeshift table begin drawing their individual wish. I stare blankly at my piece of paper and ponder my own wish. What is it that I want, and after hearing everyone's, I am divided as they all chose good ones, aside from learning about God, I’m not much into that. I don’t understand why my parents force my sister a I to go to church either, but they tell me it’s so I’m decent and have morals and character befitting a young lady such as myself.

I think about my papa more, and he gets angry a lot after being discharged from the military, but that was always a problem with him. If I where to wish that fixed and draw it out, he’d be humiliated and I rather not poke that beast.

Mama is soft spoken and quiet, I’d wish she would speak up for herself, but again Papa is in the way of that…

I ponder the rest of the time as Sasha grabs every crayon at least once as she draws her picture, I spy chimneys and simple shapes for bodies as she works on the wings of person in her drawing, she is drawing what she wished for, I thought she’d be too embarrassed to draw it. Everyone else is the same, Seth drawing a dinosaur, using the brown crayon while Stephanie uses the pink crayon and draws herself that pony. Sasha pauses, staring at the crayon in her mitts then at Seth’s brown crayon.

“Can I use that one,” She asks quietly to Seth as he stares at her for a moment, when a grin comes to his face I only glace as I know he’s going to pull something as he answers her from across the table,

“Sure,” and he tosses the crayon underhand, aimed at her as I reach out my arm to block it, it hits my arm.

“Seth!”

Mrs. Killeen comes over to our table quickly and stares at him, “Why?”

“My hand slipped, I didn’t mean to throw the crayon.” He answers her with a smile, feigning ignorance.

She stares at me, “was it an accident?” I go back to sitting in my seat next to my sister, staring at the brown smudge on my arm, but I was spacing out, so I can’t say for sure if he did really throw it or not. The others around the table are all minding their own business so I have to nod. “Yes.”

Sasha stares at me a moment, as someone else picks up the brown crayon before us and she looks disappointed as I offer her the one I had grabbed when everyone first started, a reddish brown, and probably more akin to skin color, just a bit darker. I had unintentionally grabbed a far more skin colored one and starts using it instead to draw the faces in on her butter fly winged humans over the chimneys.

The boy next to me using the black crayon draws a man in a pew praying while kneeling, and an angle with wings staring down on him.

The bell soon rings and Mrs. Killeen watches everyone as they take their paper up to her as she complements each in turn. This leaves Sasha and I behind as we’re to be picked up directly here from school and then brought to the zoo with Mama and Papa.

Sasha is in a place of her own as she giggles and continues adding details to her drawing when Mrs. Killeen looms over her shoulder with a smile, “That is beautiful,” My sister smiles at her as she places the pink crayon—getting it when everyone left—down and lifts the paper.

Many rectangular and triangular bodies litter the page, flying above chimneys with decorative butterfly wings. “I even drew you, Lotty,” She says, pointing to the one with blue eyes and black hair, but her wings are different, they are more pointed, not like butterfly wings. And she uses only the pink color for me, saving me for the last person drawn, the rest of them she used the reddish brown color for their skin.

She looks up to me, “Seth…”

“I saw you struggling with that,” I smile at my cute little sister as she giggles, then points at the wings.

“When I was going to draw your wings, my elbow was bumped, I’m sorry I didn’t give you butterfly wings as well.”

I smile at her, “it looks pretty, I love it.” She hands it to Mrs. Killeen as she thanks her and comes over to me and looks puzzled. My paper is blank but for a few red and yellow scribbles as I had pondered, I kind of just moved my hand unconsciously with the crayons and what ever color I could reach.

“What is your wish Mrs. Charlotte?”

She asks me, but I don’t know. I shake my head at her, “I’m not sure, could I bring you mine later?”

“She too excited about the Zoo,” Sasha giggles and while she is right, something feels off about this, like it’s not the right time for me to draw my wish. I can’t place the feeling but I go with it, “I’ll bring you my wish tomorrow to hang up.”

“Very well,” she says kindly as she goes back to the front of the class room with all the other’s drawings. “Will you two be so kind as to wait outside now, I must prepare to go home myself, your drawings will be hung up when you all come in tomorrow, and so to will yours Mrs. Charlotte.”

We depart from her classroom and out the school building, onto the front steps to wait for our parents to drive up in their gray Cadillac, while we’re not the richest of families, where not poor either. My Papa earned a lot of money though the Military but when he eventually punched out a higher ranking officer he lost all credentials and now does woodwork's at the local paper mil while my mother is a secretary for an automotive bigwig that gave them their car on loan until paid.

During our ride over to the zoo, we tell our parents what we learned and all that went on during class. Even Sasha brings up her drawing and wish while my Papa frowns from the front seat, “You have to be realistic honey, humans won’t sprout wings and be able to fly, that’s left for fairy tails.”

“But…” She retorts only for Papa not to be finished speaking. “I would wish I had my job in the military still.”

“We wouldn’t have as much time to spend as a family though,” Mama answers and Papa nods in agreement, but he remains sour.

Watching out the windows of the car, we do pass a local park that has many people outside with kites flying them and I smile, upon seeing one shaped like a large butterfly thinking I can rebuke my father. “Kites, we can fly on top of kites, meaning we’d be able to make Sasah’s wish come true.”

“Kites?” My Papa almost shout, but has a smile on his face, I know he’s not mad, he may bethinking this is humorous, but as my Mama looks back to us. Sasha sinking in her seat, scared.

“Dear,” Mama whispers to Papa. “A kite would need to be huge to support, a human on it’s back, even one as small as you...It can work, just a bit unrealistic.”

With nothing more to say, the car falls silent, and I speak up now. Remembering that today is also a holiday, and there will be fireworks at the park we just passed.

“Could we see the firework show after we’re done at the Zoo?”

Papa remains silent, while Mama speaks, “It will still be light out when we’re finished at the zoo, and the fireworks don’t start till late...we’ll think about it.”

She nudges Papa and he sighs, “Maybe.”

“What animal are you looking forward to seeing Papa?” Sasha ask, trying to break the tension and he smiles.

“The guerrilla’s of course, they are strong and proud creatures, I would love to try and box with one.”

My Mama giggles at my Papa’s comment, “You’re strong Dear, but not that strong.”

There was an attempt as brightening the mood, but my Mama brought us right back to sour.

First is the botanical garden which my mother wanted us to visit, and she get priority as we explore the enclosed space, that’s very humid compared to outside and has all sorts of exotic plants within, a place we’ll need to pass though as it’s the entrance into the zoo.

They are quite fascinating as we leave for the next stop to being Papa’s favorite animal the Guerrillas, he always tells us how he loved the movie King Kong and after they saw it in theaters he took them to the zoo before the two of us were even born.

It’s our first stop when we get to the Zoo, going directly to the guerrilla’s in their cage and I see how small the cage actually is. I feel bad for the guerrilla that is nibbling on a fruit pile in front of it.

Soon we’re lost in the hours that it’s been since getting her and wandering. Looking at all the other animals and exhibits. Amused, I want to see something exotic, something strange, but all these animals I know, they’re all plain to me, I’m searching for something more. “Come along now,” I run up to the Giraffes exhibit—a good substitute for what my mind is longing for—and my sister joins me as we awe at them, their tall necks reaching high as they graze on the tall trees around them. Again, their pen is dinky though, it feels too small and the Giraffe’s are tolerating it.

My parents walk closely together as they drift over to the Tasmanian Tiger exhibit across from us. “Girls come here and look at this thing, this board says they may go extinct soon.”

Sasha leaves my side and rushes over, looking up to our Papa as I walk over, “What does extinct mean?” I have to ask and he looks down on me, patting my head as I lean forward near the cage to view the dog like creature with black strips along it’s backside.

“It means that there are very few of this species left in the wild. If they all die, then Earth will have lost this animal for good.”

“Honey,” my Mama chimes in, “I don’t think the girls need to know about that yet.”

“We flushed that fish…” I comment and Papa nods.

“Mortality?” My Papa asks her, “Then when would be a good time to know that all things end, even us,”

“She’s ten and Sasha is six.” She mutters, but is quiet in front of Papa who frowns, and I know that look, he’s angry, but diffused quickly with a ruffling of my hair again. Although Mama tries to tip toes around with her words to sooth the beast. He’s unaware of this and she often trips up like earlier, she knows it, but I don’t think she understands how to stop herself from falling into the same cycle.

“They’ll be fine,” He states calmly. “Girls, death is a part of life, we come into the world and then we part, as if we where never here, much like this animal here. Who knows how many species we’ve never seen or heard of.” He speaking softly, and that’s the part that Mama has always told us that she loves about him, he’s a romantic.

“I understand,” I tell Papa, not really but I say so anyway to keep him happy. My sister shakes her head.

“I don’t want you to die,” she begins crying as my Papa scoops her up and nuzzles her cheek, to calm her.

“I’m as healthy as an Ox, I won’t be dying any time soon.”

“And Mama?” She exclaims, giggling as Mama come close to her, kissing her forehead.

“I am just as healthy.”

“Lotty?” She points at me as I began walking past the Tasmanian Tiger, it staring at me curiously and I stare into it’s eyes the same way. I feel it has intelligent behind those eyes. I felt the same thing when I saw the Giraffes, like I’m communicating with it. Was it listening to our conversation?

“You’ll be fine,” I mutter to it, but something tells me that I am wrong, I ignore it. And ignore the feeling, looking up, off in the distance as I see glowing black hair and a child with a round face, and amber eyes. Her clothing plane and simple, almost like she’s an Indian. She stares at me cautiously and I blink, wondering if I am actually seeing her. I feel my arm pulled backwards and look up to my Mama who stares at me.

“Lotty?” My Mama asks, “Where are you off to?” She lets go of my arm, as she’s gotten my attention, “The amphibian enclosure is next.”

“What’s an amphibian?” my sister asks from atop my fathers shoulders as he answers, walking away from us.

“I wasn’t going anywhere Mama,” I tell her sadly, wondering about the girl I saw, and what I just felt, maybe Papa talking about Death does scare me, but I put on a brave face, glancing at the dog like tiger one last time as we fall in step behind my father and sister.

“Cold-blooded creatures, they need the sun to heat them up, we’re warm-blooded, meaning we produce our how heat.” He answers her question.

“I think she meant what kind of animals are there,” I answer my father who chuckles at Sasha’s confusion.

“Frogs and Snakes, we may even see a crocodile, closes thing to a dinosaur in our world.”

“Someone in class wanted to see them.” Sasha mentions and my father laughs.

“There bones are in displays in museums, maybe we should go there one day and you can see it would be bad to have those thing around.”

I don’t think it’s intentional, but his comment makes Sasha goes quiet, she has an air of sadness about her and I can’t help but understand the feeling. Papa always tells us to be realistic, always tells us these ideas or thoughts aren’t good like he personally knows what is good for us. I trust him, but he won’t even let consider the thoughts we have, to dream…and wish… Mrs. Killeen lesson comes to mind, what is my wish?

Entering the building, it’s cool, unlike the hot air outside, the whole building feels damp, as we walk though and see the small windows of frogs and snakes contained in their enclosures. We pass by a water pond where Sasha asks to look inside, but I see nothing, and even with Papa lifting her up, she doesn’t see anything when my mama points at the water inside.

“Look at all those.” They are small black balls with tails swimming in a group in the waters. “Tadpoles.”

“What are those?” She asks, as Papa explains.

“Frogs start as tadpoles and over the course of a few months will grow legs and lose their tails, even gaining lungs so they can live on land.”

“There like babies,” She exclaims as I walked over to the next enclosure to see something I wasn’t expecting as I stare at the long and flat like frog, with many holes on it’s back as it pulsates, my Papa and Mama joining me as my Mama takes a look at the sign next to the display.

“A Suriname Toad?” My Mama takes a look at the toad as it’s back moves and baby toads start coming from the holes. My papa rises and looks at my Mama as she looks discomforted.

“Nature has all sort of oddities.” My papa says, not letting my sister see this one. As we continue on, my mama pulling me with her.

“Papa?” I ask as he speaks up.

“There are times to talk about things and times not to, now isn’t the right time for that kind of conversation.” Mama remains mute,

“What do you mean?”

“Use your imagination for now...pretend you saw missile silos.”

I try to imagine it, rockets coming out of the toad back as we continue though the building.

The amphibian house is close to the entrances as we head back into the botanical garden to leave as we proceed to the next exhibit, a large praying mantis steps in front of me, I’ve seen these insects before, but none this size, the size of a small dog and I look up to see that my surroundings have become a jungle where I stand. My family gone, I almost scream as I see the girl I saw before peering around a tree, looking at me with the same curiousness as she smiles upon our eye contact and giggles, running off into the dense jungle.

Freezing I wonder if this is death, did I just die? I never thought about it before, never having thought of what would happen if I was never around. Would I even know that I am not alive? Is that where ghost come from, those white sheet costumes we were for Halloween last year?

The air humid, but light, the colors of the trees are vibrant, almost hurting my eyes as the girl rushes back towards me, she looks so real, and as she takes my hand, I know she is, she pulls me forward, all the while remaining mute.

“What are you, where are you taking me…” I know I’m not suppose to go with strangers but she, she feels familiar, like she is myself?

Through the jungle, I feel the leaves from the lower trees brushing against me, the tree roots making the ground uneven, as she is running with bare feet as I being to hear rushing waters and she points towards the sound.

The jungle gives way to large rolling pink sand dunes as from higher in billowing clouds come large fish, swimming as if water is all around them, with drape like fins covering their bodies, of brilliant orange and whites with patches of black.

I must be dreaming, I don’t know how but the girl plants her hand against my collar as my clothing lights up and changes as I adore her same clothing and the fish come down, wriggle their way between my legs and having me sit on one as she sits on the other. They then take off for the skies at a high speed and I hold on tightly to the fish as it looks back at me with it’s deep black eye, and there is intelligent behind it, asking me to hold tighter and I do. We rise high into the air as a water canal is below us, but it’s just the water, nothing else and I no longer see the girl, rather hordes of this same kind of fish behind me, as we ride the steep canal down and I begin laughing, enjoying myself.

Entering a vortex of all sorts of small fish swimming around me as everything spirals away before one last glimpse fills my sight of many kids with butterfly wings flying high in the skies as it’s the same thing that my sister drew before I come back to a dark and empty room with fish in display cases, and the one we’re in front of, is called a Halfmoon Betta Fish. My mom’s hand is around my wrist again, “Lotty, what’s gotten into you?”

I stare at her, then back to the fish before us, “I was just riding one of these…how did we get here?”

“We walked,” My father says sternly, “don’t let your imagination get the better of you Lotty, that’s going to wreak havoc for you, you have to keep a firm grasp on what is real, and what’s fantasy because that was fantasy what you said. Not real.”

“But…” I begin to plead and he glares at me, “it wasn’t real.” I hang my head and sigh, I know it was but I have to obey him, else he’ll get redfaced real quickly.

The rest of our trip here is mellowed by that scene I saw before me, that my parents as we’re diving home tell me wasn’t real. And I kind of believe them, but something in the back of my mind longs for that scene, wants to be a part of that world, that painting that I just saw.

We pass the park as night has eclisped day and fireworks soar into the air, capping our night as while we don’t stay, we can at least see it as we’re diving home.

Once home, my sister and I are in our nightgowns and reading ourselves for bed, but I’m on the floor, my box of crayons before me as I have a large piece of paper and I’ve been drawing on it, many clouds as that’s what I saw in the skies, like going under a bridge, a pink shoreline and warming breeze represented by reds and orange squiggles though the air.

I place this drawing aside and being another one as an idea comes to me, I want to ride those Betta Fish! I draw clouds again and my sister looks over my shoulder as I draw a box, meant to be my body and my dark black hair stringing behind me, my blue eyes and a large smile as if I’m laughing while riding on the back of the Betta Fish.

“What is that?” My sister asks and I point at the fish, “it’s what I saw, what I think I saw. A Halfmoon Betta Fish.”

“And why are you on it’s back?” She now asks to which I giggle.

“I want to ride one, do you want to to?” I don’t let her answer as she continues to watch me draw. I draw the same thing beneath me, but instead use brown hair for my sisters head of hair that’s tide neatly into a bun right now, and place on her, brown eyes. “I want all our friends to ride them with us.”

I continue to draw as many of us as I can, making some smaller and smaller on this single sheet of paper. Recalling the drawing my sister made, “we’re in the same world as well, living together peacefully while enjoying ourselves.”

“That would be heaven,” Sasha says as she goes for her bed, “But Papa doesn’t believe in wishes.” Her voice sad now, she tires and goes to her own bed, “I’m going to bed, don’t stay up too later or else Papa will get red.” She says this referencing to when Papa is angry, his face turns red.

I nod at her, staring at my drawing, then I go to the large bay window we have in our upstairs room that’s covered with pillows and a place that I like to sit with mama when she reads to us on some nights. I stare outside the window at the stars that twinkle in the night skies, my drawing in hand as I hold it to the skies. “This is my wish.”

That night, my wish comes to me in a dream that is far more vivid then I have ever experienced from a dream before. As if real as an owl overlays the dream, as if watching, guiding even, a snowy white owl that I feel as if I know. A guardian almost.