01.01 - So I’m a Gamer, So What?

Did you ever suddenly awake in an endless white void?

No?

Well, me neither.

Until today.

Today’s a Sunday by the way.

At least I think it is.

Kinda hard to tell from here, to be honest.

My confusion only grew as a very well endowed, winged, platinum blonde vixen in front of me kept spewing a bunch of nonsense for no apparent reason, while handling a lot of papers she seemed to read from.

She looked like the concept of a greek goddess had combined with a committee's idea of an 80’s action heroine.

Her lips continued to move. “…the poor and downtrodden call upon you. Will you accept the call to adventure once more and…”

I looked at her in bewilderment.

She reciprocated.

Then stopped her monologue.

“Eh… Alan, right?” she asked, visibly confused.

“Alan Friedrich Neumann. In the flesh,” I said.

“Not… quite…” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “I am who I am.”

“Do you remember how you got here?” she asked.

“Nope. While we are at it, where is ‘here’?” I asked.

“Did you listen to anything I said?” she asked, with slight agitation.

I thought about lying for a second or two. Where I am from, girls like her weren’t exactly known for their appreciation of honesty.

She touched her forehead with both hands and exhaled audibly.

Wherever I was, at least the jiggle physics worked as intended.

“You, Alan Neumann, are dead,” she said.

“Wait, am I like… a zombie?” I asked.

She sighed. “Not undead. Dead.”

“Oh.” I paused.

The void went almost quiet for a while.

Not like there were many sounds to begin with, except for her former monologue.

Her chest rose and lowered with the rhythm of her breathing.

Then she spoke up again. “Okay, look, let’s cut the BS and talk business. I’ve got a coffee break soon. You’re dead. I am your soul supervisor and…”

“Like in one of those reincarnation stories?” I asked.

“Oh, great!” she said, while she clapped her hands. “That makes it easier. Yes, we’re always on the lookout for new hero material. You’ve been chosen based on your prior qualifications and…”

“My what now?” I asked.

She looked down on her big, round… notes. “Your file says you were the three times world champion in Magic?” she asked while tilting her head slightly.

“The Assembly,” I added.

“The what?” she asked.

“Magic - The Assembly,” I said. “It’s a card game.”

“Hm…” she took a long look at me. “That would explain your strange appearance and your soul's abysmal Stats.”

I swiftly ignored whatever insult that was supposed to be.

“So… I’ve been called here by mistake?” I asked.

“The System does not make mistakes,” she said.

I chuckled. “What about that Magic entry on your data sheet then?”

“Know what?” she said. “I'll play nice and ask HR about this later. Just let me finish my job now.”

I nodded.

She nodded.

“So, how exactly did I kick the bucket?” I asked.

She looked at her notes again. “...special summons, it says.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“Means your soul's been whisked away from your body,” she said. “Special summons. Supernatural cause of death.”

“No way!” I said.

“Way!” she said. “Happens more often than you'd think. Did you expect us to wait for the chosen ones to have a free weekend?”

“Wait,” I said, “so you murdered me in my sleep?!”

“I wouldn't say murdered…” she said, “more like euthanized.”

“Euthanized?!” I screamed out. “Do I look like a rabid dog to you?!”

She just shook her head, then returned to her script.

“You,” she said, “Alan, were chosen for reincarnation into a fantasy realm. As a reborn hero, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is the defeat of ‘Seth’, a bona fide tyrant and menace to all that is. To ease the transition, and give you a little headstart, we’re granting you ‘Segen’, a free pick at some of the System's exclusive, non-transferable, permanent blessings to your soul. You’ll get to pick any of…”

“And what if I don’t?” I asked.

“What if you don’t what?” she asked, puzzled.

“Answer your call to adventure,” I said.

“Wouldn’t recommend it,” she said. “Better keep the audience entertained, or… oh my, look at the time!”

Parts of her robe bounced along as she shuffled through some of her papers again, while I tried to figure out what time I was supposed to look at.

“I’ll ask HR after my coffee break,” she said, as she handed me a sheet. “The basics are written down here. You can look at the selection of possible blessings at the monitor over there.”

A translucent screen appeared out of thin air at the location she pointed.

“There is quite the selection, but honestly, most of those are noob traps.” she said. “I’d recommend the SSS tier melee blessings… or maybe wizardry in your case. ‘God of Pyromancy’ or ‘Cryomancy’ are quite nice. ‘God of Necromancy’ is a bit of a cheat spec, if you don’t mind solo leveling and being surrounded by decay. Anyway, take your time. There’s also a button to call me, but I won’t respond until my coffee break is over.”

I was left alone in the… room? After she vanished into nothingness.

The info flier was pretty easy to comprehend.

Apparently they selected heroic souls from other realms to be reborn as heroes, fight evil, and the powers that be, the authorities, the establishment.

Kinda rich, coming from the ultimate authority.

The later sections reminded me of some older RPG mechanics.

Every soul has a Level. Who would have guessed, eh?

The Level depends on the amount of Experience held by the soul.

There is no hard Level cap, but the Experience requirements per Level grow exponentially. Doesn’t look like much for the first few steps, but I am painfully aware of the pitfalls of exponential growth.

Every soul gains ten Class, Skill, and Stat points on each Level up. Sounds good right? Except there’s no bloody reference to how many points are required for unlocking anything! Maybe their HR department isn’t the only thing dysfunctional at this… place?

It is also possible to level down, if one loses too many Experience points. Not like that would happen to me.

Anyway, the loss of a Level reduces your spent Class, Skill and Stats points back down to their values before those Levels were gained, taking away everything you unlocked with them. Reminds me of old school MMOs. Honestly, I am a bit too old for this shit. Who has the time to exp grind nowadays?

So far so bad.

But the best, or worst, was yet to come.

The display screen had about two dozen SSS tier blessings, each one requiring about 80-90 of 100 totally available points. The number of lower tier blessings grew, like someone, who didn’t know what a factorial was, played around with integers way above their league.

Just like the lady said, most of the low tier blessings looked like garbage.

Then again, if the same idiots who called me here were responsible for designing this System, there might be some synergies, or even infinite combos hidden somewhere in there.

Definitely worth further inspection.

So I began sifting through the data. Not like I had anything better to do anyway.

Minutes turned into hours.

Hours turned into… days?

No way to tell, to be honest.

At least I didn’t get tired, hungry, or thirsty. Which raised the question why the unnamed blonde bombshell needed a coffee break in the first place.

I finally finished browsing through all the blessings for the third time in a row.

It must have been months by now, but the trouble might have been worth it.

There was one A tier blessing that really sparked my interest, but the use requirements were harsh, to say the least.

But combine it with five other blessings, one B, two C, and two E tier ones, and I might be onto something. The most important one was one of the E tier blessings. At least if all six blessings worked exactly according to their description.

This selection would leave me with exactly 3 points, and nothing interesting to spend them on.

The real question was whether I really wanted to try my luck on those six and take a gamble on my second life, instead of picking one of the obvious safe SSS tier blessings.

Just as I was about to finally press the summoning button, the vixen came through the non-existing door.

“Great System! Are you still here?” she asked as if it wasn’t obvious. “Sorry, HR was less than helpful… and… you know, it’s kinda hard to keep time in a spaceless… timeless void. Plus, there was a holiday. Actually, multiple holidays. Well, technically, if you are holy, everyday's a holy day so… Yeah.”

“So you forgot?” I asked.

“I didn’t forget,” she said. “I just had other stuff on my mind.”

“Aren’t gods supposed to be Omniscient?” I asked.

“I am only Semi-Omniscient,” she said.

“What's the difference?” I asked.

“Free Will,” she said.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“If you know everything,” she said, “past, present, future, you can't decide on anything, since you already know every 'decision' you'll ever make and all its effects. Only the System is Omniscient. I am not. Semi-Omniscience is great, but it's hard knowing everything that you know. Let alone getting your thoughts organized. There is just too much stuff in your head. You see, there are known knowns, and unknown knowns. It's complicated.”

I nodded.

She nodded.

“So… did you decide on your blessing?” she asked.

“More or less,” I said. “Just a question or two: Will the blessings be linked to my soul right away?”

“Yes, immediately,” she said. “That's how the System works.”

“And then I’ll be reincarnated?” I asked.

“That's the plan.” she said. “Have you thought about my suggestions? You sure as hell had enough time to consider.”

“About that…” I pondered for what felt like another eternity, but was likely only a minute or two. “Thank you for your recommendations, but I’ll take my own picks.”

I pointed to the six blessings listed on the screen.

She glanced at their rankings.

“You honestly picked one A, one B, two C and two E tiers over my SSS tier recommendations?” she asked. “Seems like a waste, but it's your soul.”

She shrugged with more than just her shoulders.

“Don’t you wanna… like… check my picks?” I asked.

“Nah, whatever.” she said. “You stayed in the point limit. Everything's fine. So then, here we go.”

With a snap of her finger, the screen began to glow. The letters of the blessing’s titles were freed from the screen, flew through the air between us, and embedded themselves on my body.

“And… we’re done,” she said as she waved goodbye at me. “Gonna send you off now.”

“Uhm… just a second.” I said. “Thought I might take in the… void… for another second or two.”

“You’re weird,” she said with a forced smile.

Then she did a double take. “Wait, did your level just drop?”

I just shrugged while smiling. “You tell me. I am not the Semi-Omniscient one in the room.”

“Eh, there might be a bug or two left in the blessings,” she said in a clearly disinterested tone. “People usually pick the high tier ones. Those have been debugged for millenia. Well, not my problem. I’ll send a note to QA after lunch break, but they usually take a few centuries to respond and...”

She might have added another sentence or two, as the newly formed grin on my face slowly faded away, along with my consciousness.