"Your" World

The following day, I woke up with a series of knocks on the door.

“Godd— Ah, Lapis-sama? Are you awake?”

Ollie’s voice can be heard outside.

The light passing through the window indicates that the sun has risen up. It’s morning.

And contrary to the bright sky outside, I felt an incomprehensible dread filling my entire being as soon as I opened my eyes.

Even so, I can’t let Ollie get worried. I have to put up with this for the meantime.

“Yes, I’m awake. Give me a moment, Ollie-kun.”

I stood from the bed, quickly folded the sheets neatly. I tried to deal with my general appearance, disregarding my pale complexion altogether.

I opened the door and was greeted by the young boy holding a tray of food.

“Good morning, Lapis-sama. I’ve brought breakfast.” Ollie smiled at me.

“Ah, thanks. Let’s go inside.”

“Hmm… Lapis-sama, are you unwell?”

“Eh?”

“You look pale. Is this room uncomfortable for you?” Ollie worriedly looked at me.

Just like that, I felt guilty about making him worry.

“This room is fine. This older sister is just worried about things and did not get proper sleep.”

“That’s not good, Lapis-sama!” Ollie retorted.

“Ahaha, thank you for worrying about me. I feel better now.” I smiled weakly and patted his head.

“Geez, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Lapis-sama.” Ollie pouted as he set the tray of food on the table.

“Sorry for making you worry.”

“Also that, Lapis-sama is the Goddess, you should have more confidence in yourself. Don’t apologize that easily.”

I just chuckled dryly.

Ollie has a point, but I know that I just can’t get rid of it easily.

It’s just the years of apologizing over and over again at work became a habit of mine that I can’t easily shake off.

Maybe I’ll get over it in the future, or maybe I’ll just remain like this for the rest of time. Who knows?

It’s useless forcing someone to change once it has become something that they are used to.

“Let’s eat, Lapis-sama!”

We had our breakfast and despite still feeling dreadful, watching Ollie’s cute eating face made me feel better. It’s like watching over a little brother who’s enjoying food with such a blissful expression.

I can’t help but smile.

This wasn’t something that I experienced in my past life. I had siblings back then, but because we were living in poverty, we really never had moments where we could just eat peacefully.

We only eat to last for the day, nothing more, nothing less.

The living conditions in my past life were really horrible, so when I had the chance to leave the backwater village of a hometown, I did not hesitate to do so. Little did I know, the life in the city is just a fancy cover, the life there is not less difficult.

I haven’t contacted my family ever since then, I wonder what happened to them. I just hope that the earthquake did not devastate them.

Somehow, I wonder how did they react when they found out that I was a casualty in that earthquake? After not seeing me for years, maybe they really didn’t care about me. It’s to be expected to be angry at the daughter that left home just because she wasn’t satisfied with life in the small village.

It wasn’t surprising if they did not bother to look for me.

Actually, it’s better if they really did not try to look for me. If they looked for me and found out that I died, and if they still cared about me… I could only imagine how much despair I caused them.

“Lapis-sama, is everything okay? You look sad.”

“Ah, I’m okay. Let’s finish our breakfast, Ollie-kun.”

______

We went out once again, but this time, we had no goal in mind.

Ollie was done showing me around the town yesterday, and while the bazaar is still there, I don’t feel like doing the same thing that I did yesterday.

“What are we going to do now, Ollie-kun? Any suggestions?”

The two of us are sitting at a bench under a tree that is a street away from where the bazaar is located so there aren’t many people in this area of the town.

“Hmm… I can suggest something, but as I thought, we should do something that Lapis-sama really wants!” Ollie beamed brightly.

“Something that I really want…”

“Un! Lapis-sama should do whatever she wants, this is your world after all!”

My world, huh…

That sounds overwhelming.

It might be true that this is a world that I created, but that doesn’t mean that I have absolute freedom to do anything. Right now, the people around me aren’t just figments of my imagination, they are living people…

… people that will eventually suffer in the future.

It is ‘my’ world, but I am powerless now.

The moment that fiction becomes reality might sound wonderful, but in reality, it is terrifying.

The fate of an entire world lies on a few letters that an irresponsible author wrote.

“...sama! Lapis-sama!”

“Eh?”

“Lapis-sama, I’ve been calling you and you weren’t responding… Is everything okay?”

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

My negativity is dominating my thoughts again. If it wasn’t for Ollie’s presence, I think I would have gone insane earlier. Well, maybe part of my anxiety came from being called a goddess out of nowhere, but even if that wasn’t the case, I think I will still think pessimistically.

“Alright, I’m fine now!”

I stood from the bench, pumping myself up.

“Ollie-kun, I still don’t know what I want to do so let’s go with your suggestions for today. I’ll think about something that I want to do some other time.”

I reassured him. He still looks worried that I am not the one deciding our activity for today, but he went along.

“Okay.” Ollie nodded. “If that’s what Lapis-sama wants… should we watch the parade later?”

“Parade?”

“Un. The reason why there is a bazaar here is because the town is having a festival.”

“Hoh. So it was like that.”

I guess it’s too much if a bazaar of that scale is happening all time of the year. A festival is indeed a reasonable excuse to have a bazaar.

But a festival, huh…

“What kind of festival is it?”

“It’s a national festival celebrating the birthday of the twin royals. When the twin royals were born, the entire kingdom celebrated, and every birthday, the entire kingdom had week-long festivities,” Ollie explained. “There is a parade in the nearby towns of the capital and this town is one of them.”

“So it’s Prince Noir and Princess Bianca’s birthday, will they make an appearance?”

“Yes, they are expected to be seen by everyone during the parade.”

I see.

To be honest, a part of me really wants to meet those two characters. I know that I wrote a tragic future for them, but even so, they are still characters that I put a lot of thought and care into.

At least just a glimpse, I want to see them with my eyes.

“Lapis-sama, do you care about the royals?”

Ollie’s question made me flinch.

I wasn’t expecting that question to be asked by Ollie, but it actually makes sense.

If I am just a normal citizen of this town, answering that question will tell about my political stance. But as the creator of this world, things are not that simple…

Do I care about the royals?

Hmm, I’m not the kind of person who generalizes everything like that.

More than anything…

“I don’t care about the royals in general, but I do care about them as individuals. The King, the Queen, all of the princes and princesses, I care about each of them a lot.”

“I see… Lapis-sama is a really kind goddess.”

“You think so? Even if I was the reason for the tragedy that will happen to this world in the future?”

Ollie froze for a moment, his eyes widened in shock as he fell speechless.

Well, I guess I just casually dropped that huge revelation on him. That reaction is not that surprising.

“Lapis-sama… what tragedy are you talking about…?” Ollie asked quietly, the cheerfulness in his voice was totally gone.

Ah, with this, he will definitely be disillusioned about me.

“All the tragedies that will happen to this world, I am the reason for it.”

It’s over. Ollie will definitely hate me now.

But it’s fine. I’m not someone who can just pretend and lie in front of an innocent child. Ollie knows who I am, so if he ends up hating me after this, I will take it silently.

I deserve to be hated after all.

I was clenching my fist on my side when I felt small hands touching it.

“It wasn’t the Goddess’ fault!”

“Ollie-kun, I appreciate your thoughts but the truth wasn’t like that.”

“E-even so!” Ollie tightened his hold on my fist. “Even so, all the beautiful things that this world has to offer is also because of you!”

Eh?

“The bright sky, the bustling streets, the delicious food… everything here is because the Goddess intended it to be like that, right? So please don’t be too hard on yourself!”

The beautiful things… are also because of me?

I stared around me.

The sky…

The place…

The people…

“Even if a tragedy happens, then so be it! There must be a reason for it to happen, and it’s not like this world is all about tragedy, isn’t it?” Ollie reasoned out. “Lapis-sama, you gave this world the name of the rainbow because you intend for this world to have a colorful story, right?”

Is my plot really that predictable?

Even Ollie was able to guess it, but he’s right… I originally planned for this story to have a happy ending.

However, when I started writing the tragedy, despite my original intention of resolving it for the happy ending, I had a writer’s block. I cannot write a justifiable resolution, the more that I try to write, all I could add was even more tragedy.

After writing tragic events over and over again, I lost sight of the ending that I originally planned.

As much as I wanted to redeem myself, I feared what the readers would think. So in the end, it became one of the reasons why I discontinued the story.

I simply lost sight of the ending, but I’m too scared to rewrite what I’ve already created so I just stopped.

I really am a pathetic goddess, aren’t I?

But…

Even such a pathetic goddess managed to create something beautiful.

It might be fleeting, but since there is someone who thinks that this world is worth living in, then maybe it won’t be impudent to think that there is still a hope for this no-good author to redeem herself.

“Ollie-kun, I will apologize in advance. Not just to you, but to everyone else in this world,” I said. “Still, if you believe that even if a tragedy happens, there is still a better tomorrow that awaits us… then, I will do my best even if I am powerless as I am now.”

It was such a grand declaration, and I honestly don’t think that I can make that promise easily.

But…

Just this once, I feel confident that an answer will reveal itself.

This is an unfinished story. Even I, the author, don't know what lies beyond Chapter Ten… but my regret in my dying moment is exactly not being able to finish writing this story.

This might be a punishment, or an atonement, but at the same time, there is no precedent stating that I can’t fulfill my regrets from my past life.

“As your guide, I will do my best to support you, Goddess!” Ollie firmly said.

“Thank you, Ollie-kun.”

I can’t help but smile.

Despite feeling lost, I am still blessed to have someone like Ollie in this world. If it wasn’t for Ollie, I wouldn’t have the courage to even think of facing my own powerlessness.

If at that time, when I woke up in that meadow, realized that this is the world of a story that I wrote and Ollie wasn’t there… maybe I would never even dream of changing an inevitable fate.

I was already burnt out from my past life, I was tired of everything, and to be honest, living for a second time doesn’t sound that great.

But because of Ollie, I somehow allowed myself to dream again, no matter how absurd it might be.

“Ollie-kun, if I am the goddess, that means I have some kind of power, right?”

“Yes!”

“Do you know what it is?”

“Unfortunately, I have no idea. The god that I came from didn’t share any information about that to me, but I’m sure the goddess will be able to figure it out soon!”

“I see, I’ll try figuring it out…”

As we were talking, I could hear some kind of music from nearby.

Something like trumpets…?

The townspeople also started gathering to see it quickly.

“It’s the parade of the royals! Let’s go, Lapis-sama!” Ollie grabbed my hand and dragged me to join the crowd.

I did not try to hesitate, I also wanted to see them for myself after all.

Not far from where we are standing, I could already see a grand float decorated with colorful flowers. It was like a carriage where the coachman is sitting in front and holding the reins of a gallant horse.

A marching band was also performing for the parade, then knights were also guarding the royals from front, behind, and the sides. The security wasn’t that oppressive because the royals can still directly interact with the people, after all, this kingdom is at peace.

The festival is simply magnificent, but what really caught my attention was the two royals that I truly wanted to see.

Prince Noir and Princess Bianca, two characters that are very special to me. Despite writing them as unfortunate children, I actually wished for them to attain happiness more than anything.

Now, it might be contradictory that I wrote them to have such a premature death, but I originally had other plans with them.

The thing is, magic exists in this world.

Even after death, it is possible to communicate with those who lost their lives, and there is also a place that is similar to the concept of heaven in my past life.

Although the method to do that is extremely difficult, it is not impossible. After the passing of the twins, Prince Blane would search for clues to uncover the truth, and even though the twins themselves don’t know who killed them, Prince Blane loved his siblings so much and wanted to see them again.

During his journey, he stumbled upon the intel to reach the afterlife to talk to the loved ones who passed away.

The events after that were just written as incomplete outlines that I scribbled on some paper before I graduated from school, and it’s not like I reached that point in the story when I was posting my stories online.

Still, seeing the twins with my own two eyes now made me regret that writing choice.

Prince Noir was a quiet child, yet carried himself with elegance and dignity. Princess Bianca on the other hand was a cheerful child, waving at the citizens with a bright smile on her cute face.

And just like that, I felt extremely guilty.

This is no longer a plot of a novel, this isn’t just letters and words anymore. This is real.

“Waaah! It’s Their Highnesses!”

“Prince Noir looks beautiful, he will grow up to be a handsome prince in the future!”

“That’s right, but Princess Bianca is a bright princess, she’s going to be a princess loved by everyone!”

“All hail the royals! Happy birthday, Prince Noir and Princess Bianca!”

The citizens cheered happily. Flowers and petals were falling from the sky as if they were raindrops.

“The flowers are made of magic, they're so pretty!” Ollie exclaimed out of amazement.

It was the third prince, Prince Phyllis, who was casting the magic that made flowers fall from the sky. He did it while showing off to the twins, in which the kids looked at him in admiration.

It was truly a peaceful and exciting festival.

But as everyone was having fun and enjoying the events…

It all happened quickly.

Happiness is indeed short-lived.

A loud sound came from one of the buildings in the street, then fire erupted just as quickly.

The horse that was pulling the float where the royals were, started acting up and started launching on the people. It didn’t take a while before the vehicle crashed on the houses.

Screams and fire engulfed the place just as quickly.

A hand grabbed mine tightly.

“Lapis-sama!”

Ollie’s face was full of fear and confusion. While I was frozen in shock and unable to move.

H-how could this be?!

It wasn’t supposed to be like this!

A stampede is about to occur as the citizens are panicking, even the knights couldn’t control the situation since they are prioritizing the safety of the royals.

I bit my lip out of frustration, and grabbed Ollie’s body without hesitation. I hugged him tightly, trying to protect him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”

I closed my eyes tightly, waiting for the stampede to happen…

But…

Everything froze.