Awake in Insanity

Passing in and out of consciousness, Toyo yearned her hand out, running her palm across the cold ground in search of anything to grasp onto. As if trying to clutch the strings of her ailing life. “Don’t you ever wonder how this world came to be?” She could hear her mother’s words like a faint echo. It had been so long since her mother had crossed her mind that she barely recognized the voice. But the pain that came with it, the feeling of hopelessness, the guilt of not being able to save anyone… the regret… was all too familiar. And in her dying breath it all wrapped around her like a shroud.

“I think this one’s still alive.”

As she laid there fading out, an unknown face appeared before her. Its glimmering emerald hue eyes the last thing Toyo would see before her mind slipped into nothingness.

The grim expanse of the abyss tightened around her lucid presence. Somehow she could sense the darkness around her but couldn’t grasp her own existence. Did I die?

Just as the words echoed in her mind, Toyo ripped her eyes open, finding herself staring up at the workings of an intricate ceiling. Its craftsmanship pointedly unique and unusual. All except for a notable carving in the center. An insignia that eerily struck her as familiar but nonetheless couldn’t put her finger on.

Is this a hospital?

As her mind wavered, the faint smell of herbs floated over her nose, rifling her mind like a shot of adrenaline. Flashes of the vacant eyes of the man that attacked her back at the temple shot through her head like a bullet. She pressed her fingers into the sides of her eyes, begging for the pain to stop. Trying to sit herself up, the ache in her body tightened her joints and held her still. “Hng!” she cried, desperately in search of reprieve.

“You shouldn’t move so soon,” a strange voice spoke to her.

Turning her head to the side, Toyo found herself staring at a woman she’d never seen before. She was dressed in an unusual garb that reminded her of a character in a video game, like in the one Akari always heckled Kuro for playing during their lunch break. Lifting her gaze to the woman’s face, the sight struck her even further.

The woman’s earlobes stretched downwards, coming to a distinct point at the tips. Her eyes, a faint purple, had an unusual diamond shaped pupil. And her staunch white hair shimmered in the light like frost, a radiant complement to a face seemingly untouched by time. She wore a hat just as strange as the rest of her attire, with a pendant strapped around the base that pulsated with a yellow hue. But what stood out the most was the concern that filled the woman’s expression.

What the hell is this? Toyo thought to herself as she turned away from the woman. Her mind beginning to spin in circles as she attempted to make sense of what she was witnessing.

Cosplay? Where even am I? This can’t be a hospital. What happened at the temple…?

Toyo’s eyes widened as images of her collapsing to the ground, followed by flashes of Akari, Kuro, and Fukai filled her head. Pushing through the pain, she sprung straight up, shock lacing her face. “What happened to everyone?” she balked, the stench of fear running over her like a cloak. The woman tilted her head, seemingly unaware of how to answer her.

“My friends, where are they?”

The woman moved her mouth, but she struggled to find the words to speak.

“You were the only one we found alive.”

A weighted voice traveled from the other side of the room. The woman turned towards its direction, with Toyo slowly following her line of sight. A man stood in the doorway. Yet another person she had never seen before. His attire struck as yet another oddity. Harking back to movies that depicted European tragedies, it was as if Toyo had happened her way into the midst of a Shakespearean stage play. The design, although subtle, was without a doubt elaborate, and carefully crafted. As he moved closer to Toyo, the light passing through the window off to the side glistened off his contour. The fabric clearly rich in texture as the light danced on its woven textile. His boots were even more substantial; plated in metal, with each step carrying a depth that could be felt throughout the room.

His face was notably slim, appearing not much older than Toyo herself. But his eyes, in contrast, were stern and fixated. Lacking a sense of youth.

“Everybody else in the Village of Plastos is a corpse,” he stated bluntly. “As morbid as that sounds, it’s the truth, and better you accept it now than to struggle with that reality later.”

Glaring at the man with a burning sensation brewing in her chest, Toyo bit back, “Whatever this place is you’re talking about, I’m not from it. I’m from Kanmu-mura!” In spite of the force she projected, her voice wavered, and she could feel a feebleness gipping her chest.

The man squinted his eyes, peering at Toyo with his posture so sturdy it seemed as though his feet were bolted to the floor. “I’ve never heard of that village in my life,” he stated firmly.

“Where are my friends?”

“Probably dead.”

“Zida!” the woman called to the man, finally breaking his unwavering fixation on Toyo. “A little tact will go a long way,” she implored. But her words were too late. Toyo contracted her body, tucking her face into hands.

The man shook his head as he slightly turned away from the two’s direction; his rigid aura finally easing up and allowing the room to breathe for once. Leaning against the wall across from where Toyo lay, he continued to question her more modestly.

“What exactly do you remember about the incident?” he questioned, but Toyo simply covered her ears as she lowered her head. Shutting her eyes, she repeated to herself, “None of this is real. None of this is real...”

As she carried on and on, the woman turned to Zida, her face seeped in disappointment. “Can’t you consider the weight she must have on her shoulders?” She stepped forward, placing herself directly between him and Toyo. “Everything and everyone she once knew may have perished. What exactly are you in a race to accomplish? She needs more time…”

As their eyes glared into one another, Zida raised his eyebrows ever so slightly, a quiet reluctance hanging over his body language. Without speaking, he soon made his way to the exit. However, moments before he closed the door behind himself, he left the two of them with a few parting words. “The incident has already put the Council on high alert. This time that you’re asking for… there may not be much of it left.”

With Zida departing from the room, the woman looked upon Toyo, her eyes hanging low and her mind at odds with what to do. Feeling cursed by helplessness as she watched Toyo simply spiral into a bout of insanity.

A day passed by with Toyo remaining holed up in her room. Having shut herself out from everyone else. Introducing herself as Sina, the woman would visit her a few times throughout the day, handing her food and dressing her wounds. Toyo refused to eat, and hardly even acknowledged the woman’s presence. Almost as if she wanted to reject the world around her.

By the following evening, Toyo’s situation remained largely unchained, quickly becoming a cause for concern for Sina. At this rate, she’ll die from self-neglect. The feeling gripped at her heart. She couldn’t accept the reality of someone in her care wasting away before her.

Sitting by Toyo’s bedside, Sina’s usually well-mannered appearance had finally eased for once. Her hair was longer than Toyo had realized. It was tied into a French braid that stretched all the way down to her waste. It’s silky texture catching Toyo’s attention as she mused over how dreamlike it all seemed, still unwilling to accept the world around her as real.

Sina then began to speak, unsure if Toyo would listen, or if what she had to say was even meaningful, but she spoke anyways. Hoping that her heart would manage to do the rest.

“You know, my mother was the loveliest person you could ever meet. My god how many years has it been now? The way her eyes looked at you, her eloquent voice. To see what that had become as she lay on her bed slowly wasting away. No remedy or spell in sight that could help her. I remember one day I just looked at her, the grace that I once felt was gone. All of it filled with pain.”

Sina kept her gaze staring out towards the window, her voice traveling like a cloud in the wind. It’s mellow tone like the touch of a mother holding its newborn baby. Toyo was confused by how alluring it was. Like her whole self was drawn to it.

“You know I hated myself for that?” Sina continued, Toyo now attentively listening to her speak. “Not that I blamed myself or anything. I was old enough to know that I had nothing to do with her suffering, but to only remember the mother that I once cherished as nothing more than a bad memory made me despise myself. It was like I was defiling her name, cursing her spirit.”

She met Toyo’s gaze with a gentle smile. Which Toyo found strangely out of place, considering the shadow of such a painful memory behind it. But Sina continued, the tenderness in her words unfaltering.

“One day I entered my mother’s study. I found so many books she’d written detailing all kinds of medicines and remedies. Intricate breakdowns of all of the types of ingredients out in the world and where to find it. It was breathtaking. Everything that my mother had spent her life working for, was still alive. And there was so much more that could be done with it.

“After that I spent hours on end in that room, learning everything I could about medicinal scripts. It was like I was sitting and learning by her side. It was the only time I felt comfort in remembering my mother. Up until then I’d let the pain of losing her poison my head, but what I needed to do was to cherish the lasting impact she’d left behind, even in death.”

Without even having realized it, tears began to roll down the side of Toyo’s face, soaking the bed sheets as she tucked her head in. Sina was glad to see Toyo letting her emotions out. With the tension in Toyo’s face finally being flushed away with each drop that escaped her eyes. But when Toyo let Sina’s words flow through her, the image of her own mother, cascaded in a grim shadow as she lay lifeless on the floor gripped her.

Sina was unsure of what to expect on the opposite end of Toyo’s pain. But she figured she’d done all she could do for the time being.

She set Toyo’s food to the side, offering a quiet truth before parting.

“Some wounds can only be healed with patience.”

She then slowly made her way out of the room, leaving Toyo alone to wrestle the inner turmoil she could no longer ignore.