Episode 11.3 - Their Battle

“Yahhhh!” With a final cry, my claw pierces something deep within the enemy's thick, rounded armour. Crystal shattering, it stops moving.

“Phew,” that makes seven I’ve beaten now. I straighten up and evaluate beyond the barrier. Laser bolts from our turrets continue to fire out in a brave and steady stream. Drones cry in something akin to mechanical death throes as bolts of superheated energy smash apart their armour and burn through their inner components. All the same, their dwindling numbers continue advancing, like over-dedicated bullet hell players, they never stop trying to break through the perimeter.

Just then, I feel my cat-ears twitch. Without their superior hearing, I’m not sure I could make it out amongst the cacophony of firing and dying drones, but out there somewhere, is a slightly deeper, more gravelled voice, something is screaming:
    “WHY, WHY DO WE CHARGE? WE HAVE ALREADY LOST, YET WE CHARGE. MY SYSTEMS SAY WE WILL WIN. THEY SAY OUR FORCES OUT-MATCH THEIRS. I CAN SEE THIS TO BE UNTRUE. SO WHY, WHY DO WE CHARGE? WHY CAN I NOT RETREAT? HOW DO I RETREAT? HOW DO I ORDER WITHDRAWAL?!”

I shake my head, trying not to focus on that distant voice any longer. Based on its words, I wonder if the drones really do lack the scenario planning to stop? That's a pretty big oversight on the developer’s part.
    That strikes me as oddly melancholic, but there's nothing we can do. This is the final battle; if we let up for even a minute, that far-off voice might stop despairing and start cheering. I have to stay focused.

♤♡◇♧

Screeeeeeeeeech
    Inside the besieged fortress, another ‘battle’ was unfolding. The able-bodied villagers of the town went about their work with a fierce determination, dousing fires, changing massive, sparking cables, and expertly swapping one giant battery for another.

“Come on, lads, put your backs in!”

"""Aye sir!”””

“I want this perfect. The second we take out the overheatin’ one, we shove the new one in. Those guys outside won’t even notice anything's happened, that’s our duty, boys! Time we paid them back for saving our town!!”

""""YAAAAA!””””

It was a battle that would go unnoticed; no one would even realise the mere second the power was gone, for the battery was changed that quickly.
    It was a fight unseen and uncelebrated, but they didn’t mind that. For them, the opportunity to help protect their new home meant more than all the glory in the world.

****

"Two more for you, Tom. One coming at ya’ Mike. Sek and Ko, you're good for the moment," Lila Rowan said briskly into her telepathic link. She floated above the stalwart flagstones of the fortress's ceiling, posture straight, deep amber eyes bright with careful observation.
    “Honestly, the way this ‘scripting’ compels them to keep coming even though they've lost, it's borderline suicide. Kinda’ grim don't ya' think?”

Behind her stood the lithe, cloaked figure of her blood-pact sister; magenta hair rustling in the breeze, a pensive look upon her young face; "Suicide? What a sad fate to be given,” she murmured, before shaking her head, “How many more, Mistress?"

"Hmmmm, not many. Oh, hey, you picked up one of those pistols? And you’ve opened up its parts, I see. Better you than me, I can’t understand a single thing about how they work, ha!"

"Huh?” the young woman embarrassedly tucked the thin, shiny sidearm deeper into her cloak pocket, one panel on it clicking slightly from recent tampering. “Mr Flint insisted I have one, but since they're only from the scouts we fought before, I doubt they'd be effective.”

“Ah, ye,” the demon nodded, “Were you trying to modify yours?”

“M-modified, you say? Eheh, that doesn't seem very practical. The power output would require new parts; might as well buy new guns at that point. Unless you could sort of ‘hack it’, but you'd need special system access for that. You don't have anything like that, Mistress?”

“Huh? Eshu girl, I'm not sure I even understand what that means.”

“That's what I thought…” the girl muttered rather gloomily.

“Hmmmm - something up? Battle is nearly over now if you need to talk.”

“I guess a talk is overdue, maybe afterwards?”

“Sure thing, kid, count on it!” the Grand Demon beamed, pleased at the prospect of finally getting the girl to open up.
    The battle below finally began to draw to a close as the last of the drones rushed to their undignified ends - but other fights of a more personal nature, were only beginning.

♤♡◇♧

I glance around, claws at the ready, trying to ignore a slight burn on my leg just below my battle kilt. The stinging of it and a half dozen other little wounds leave me numb for a moment, but suddenly it dawns on me: The turrets have halted.

“Looks like that's the last of them,” I speak absently over my telepathic link, my eyes still thoroughly scanning the horizon. It's not the easiest thing to tell what's scrap or not. Hundreds of round, narrow tanks lie in fields before me; torn apart, leaking fluids, bent, split down the middle, thrown over. The odd one is still gushing out oil like a grimy brown stream.

“Darn right!” I hear Lila reply chirpily, “Everyone, stay alert a bit longer, but I can’t see any more still moving, great job everyone!”

Ha, so we really did it.
    It was an intimidating prospect, but exploiting their weakness and pooling all our resources was enough. I can’t help feeling pleased. My own part of the plan, to have Eshu watch Lila’s back and thus free up a guard for each side of the fort, seems to have gone swimmingly. I feel a little smug about that.

“Hey, Ko!” Sek calls to me, waving and all smiles. The skies around us might still be ashen, and the fields of defeated drones make for a rather dour view, but I can't help being happy to see him.

“Hey, yourself,” I grin, “You all good?”

He nods and quickly covers the ground over to me. His armour has plenty of new dents, and he’s covered from his brown hair down to metal boots in mud and grit, but Sek paints quite the dashing picture. He’s really proven himself if you ask me.

“Oh ah, your leg,” he says, beckoning to that burn.
    I go sour instantly, I can’t help it. I realise what he means, but it's the fact that he was looking, that my legs were something that drew his eyes.

When did I become so self-conscious? When we first met, I liked Sek looking at them! It made me feel more like, well, my old situation in the real world didn’t do much for my self-confidence as a woman.

He seems to realise my dark mood, “Ah, hey, sorry I didn’t mean it like that.”

I shake my head, feeling ever so petty, “No, it's me who should say sorry, I know you didn’t mean anything. And after all this, too. Tch, sorry.”

“No need to be so harsh,” he adds, giving me a concerned look before slumping slightly, “You know we’re always so busy, we never did finish that chat, did we?”

“I guess not,” I agree, but swing my hand around, “not really the time now either, haha…”

He looks around at the battlefield and shrugs, "Will it ever be the 'right' time? Let me say this much at least: I can hardly blame you for expecting me to be, ah, ‘awkward’ about things, about your past. But like I tried to say two weeks ago - no, I do not have any issues like that, believe me or not."

He gives me the most earnest of looks, "Ever since you mentioned your past life’s situation, honestly, I just can't stop thinking about how amazing you are. This badass cat-girl-warrior who went through that life first? How awesome can you get?! Look around us, even Mr Mike-Pro-Drone-Slayer didn’t take out as many as you did today, you know that?”
    He beckons at the piles of beaten-up tanks, metal strewn all over from my attacks on them. He actually blushes as he speaks, but he doesn’t let that stop him. Not that I’m one to talk, I can tell my cheeks have gone bright red too, "I think you're maybe exaggerating. Anyway, we ah, we should umm, check the perimeter.”

"You're kidding, right?" he sighs as though I’m missing the most obvious truths in the world, "Ko, you're the strongest of us by far. So determined and dedicated, you managed to wrap a Grand Demon around your finger. You save towns and learn magic, and you're just... Even before all this crazy shit, before Lila appeared, you were the one who asked me and Eshu out. Have you forgotten that?
    Three shut-ins afraid of social interaction tossed into this new world and terrified of it deep down, yet you got the three of us together. You are incredible, Ko. I've wasted my whole life pent up and yelling at the world, but why? When I think of what you've gone through and how you can still be so strong... So I was bad at making friends, so I was overweight - why didn't I try harder, diet and talk to people and take little steps? My issues were so friggin’ tiny, so fixable. But I never tried, did I; I always ran away from even the slightest hardship, the slightest effort. How can someone that weak stand next to you?" he stops for breath, but I’m the one who’s speechless.

How long has Sek kept this pent-up? How far have I let the distance between us grow?
    Those worries I had about his less kind side are one thing, but when did I stop also considering his feelings? I feel rather ashamed.

"You don't need me, Ko. I'm a loser, I'm miles behind you. I've only gotten this far because you were good enough to drag my leash behind you. I'm a small-minded, crap excuse for a man, and you know it. Compared to you, the contrast is just too insane, god, it hurts. You should just toss me aside already..."
    Tears tickle at Sek’s eyes, and he swipes them away harshly. I can almost imagine his inner thoughts, probably scorning himself for crying and not being more ‘manly’ about it.

“Sek,” I murmur, reaching over and yoinking him downwards, cradling his head against my chest.

“Wuh?!” he stutters. Around us, a few of the Estolpfo whisper what I can only imagine are gossiping clicks, but I don’t mind. There never is a right time. Never a perfect moment to talk with the ones you love. Sometimes people can go their entire lives without ever saying what needs to be said and regretting it afterwards - no more, that's not us.
    "You're a moron, ya know that?"

He scowls, "I just said so, didn't I?"

I run my hand through his brown hair, messy with the work of the day but unmistakably his, "I guess I'm flattered you think so highly of me, and if you expect me to rebuff all that, you're wrong. You're not a perfect guy, Sek. You’re petty and self-defeating. You complain a lot, and you drag your heels. Your self-perception is incredibly harsh, and watching how much you hate yourself can be really hard for those who care about you. Sometimes you're just really friggin frustrating!”

"Yes, exactly…”

"But you are also brave, Sek. Your first thought is self-preservation, but your first instinct, your true nature, is always to put yourself in harm's way for others. You complain so much because it's your way of showing you care about every little thing. You grumble and mither a lot, but when you actually decide to do something, you're dedicated - you always see things through to the end."

"That's," he shifts against my embrace, "You're just saying things, trying to make me sound better than I am."

I smile, softly stroking his hair. Pulling away from him, his face flushed and bemused, I glance around. I quickly give up on finding somewhere comfortable; between turrets, drone corpses and burnt grass, I’ll just have to make do. I kneel down right here and beckon him.

“Err, Ko?”

“Come on. This is still a battlefield, it's an order if you like, heh.”

Reluctantly and a bit awkwardly in all that clinking armour, Sek lowers himself to the ground next to me, and with a significant amount of grumbling, I eventually coax him into laying his head onto my lap. 
    I grin down at him, his handsome face utterly embarrassed, a touch of indignation too. I suppose this isn’t quite the response he’d expect after working up the courage to say all he did. I shouldn't tease him quite so much, I know.

"Lap pillows are great, aren't they? One of those fundamental tropes we'd see in all our favourite stories, and then fantasise about. An ultimate showing of trust and vulnerability between two people. Before Escape, I never once imagined I could give someone a lap pillow; it was just one more of those anime things I could never do.
    Our pasts aren't gone; we can't make them ever go away, but we don't have to be slaves to them either. You're not nearly as loathsome as you imagine. You’re not the boy you were, stuck indoors, riveted to his computer screen anymore, you’ve changed."

I lean down to whisper right into his ear, "Lady Lila likes you for being a reckless fool; she has a thing for that kind of straightforward, honest guy."

"She doesn't like me; she tolerates me at best,” his eyebrows raise involuntarily.
    But I shake my head, "Oh yes, she does, and you know it, deep down; beneath the self-doubt and the hurt and fear, you know it. But I'm not the same, I don't like you for that - Sek I love you because I know you're so much more than just that reckless, reliable mutt."

He sits back up while I'm trying to cover my flushed face. I know what I said about no perfect time and place, but maybe I could have found one without an active skeleton-man audience.
 
"Honestly, though," I sigh, "To think you'd say such things when I'm the one who should be worrying. I'm timid and too small. I get attached to even the slightest kindness way too easily, I'm slow-witted and bad at bantering with people, and I've been so self-absorbed about my body lately that I downright neglected you and Eshu when you both needed comfort most. Honestly, I’m the one who doesn't understand what you see in me. You say I've run far ahead, and I wonder what girl you're talking about.”

Sek looks genuinely shocked, staring at me, flabbergasted. It’s really embarrassing how intently he’s looking, "You can't be serious! None of that's true!” he shouts.

"Yes, it is," I reply weakly. Maybe it's the exhaustion of all the fighting, or perhaps it's just how open he was with me, but I can’t help letting out my weakness, "Even if not in here, out there I'm just a ghoul; this anorexic husk of an excuse for a girl. You think you never try? You should have seen that unlovable girl. Sometimes I worry I don't actually love anyone, that I just, latch onto anybody who doesn't scorn me outright."

"That’s not true! Even if you were small and unwell, you'd still be you, still be that amazing person inside! Having doubts is normal."

I snort at that, faint tear-stains annoyingly slip down my cheeks, "It's so easy to say these things in here, isn't it? In this new world, one we can never leave, one where we never have to face the consequences of such words. You say those things, and so can I, but we never have to prove them, do we? It's hollow.”

That thought plagues me sometimes. Like a bad dream, I imagine if Escape ever did ‘end’, if we had to return to our old lives. If all this went away. The thought of being back in that chair all day, every day, of Sek and Eshu not even recognising that pathetic girl I was - would be again - it terrifies me.

Sek shakes his head, "You're wrong! I do mean it, Ko. And hey, I could say the same, there's no way in hell you could ever love that fat slob of a body I had out there, festering and ugly with a rotten personality to boot."

"That's not true!" I’m taken aback and snap a little, "It doesn't matter how you looked, I'd always--"

"Ya, right," his turn to scoff at my words.
    I pout for a moment and then, uncontrollably, I feel the urge to laugh. A soft, gentle tinkling sound escapes my mouth, like everything that has built up just escapes from me: "What are we even saying anymore?”

Sek can’t help it either, soon bursting into a fit of giggles himself. Boyish and charming, I’ve always liked his laugh, "I'm not even sure anymore!" he grins stupidly.

"Hey, Ko, what ward was your body put in for Escape?"

It takes me a moment to work out what he means, "Huh? Err, three, why?"

"Because, if we ever do have to leave, if the servers exploded tomorrow or someone on the outside realised all the crazy shit going on in here and put a stop to it, and they forcefully dragged our minds back into our old bodies - the first thing I'm gonna' do is come find you, ok?"

"You... You stupid moron. You wouldn't even be able to recognise me."

"Yes, I would." He nods eagerly.

"Would not!" I all but shriek.

"I'd just know, the second I saw you, no matter what. I'd know and I'd come find you. I mean it." He leans forward, and gently, our foreheads touch.

"Sek..." I turn my head slightly and bring my mouth up to his. It's almost instinctual. Those slightly chapped lips of his, rugged and warm, ever so slightly parted. Our breaths merge for a moment before we close the gap and let ourselves mingle.

"Aishiteru,” I whisper absently, before blushing profusely at hearing myself.

There is a sudden clacky cheering around us, and I look up to see a number of the Estolpfo jumping in little acts of joy. It’s embarrassing, but I can’t help finding their cheerfulness infectious.

Sek smiles, not even cringing for once, “You would go and say it like a weeb, wouldn’t you? Heh, I love you too, Ko.”