...Until they don't!

“OH S***! THEY HAVE RAPIERS, RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!”

“...Huh?”

“THEY HAVE RAPIERS! RUN!!!!!!!”

I couldn’t help but mutter in disbelief. The raid was a bust, we’re in a bad position, and one of the kingdom’s legends is standing in front of us. However, instead of telling us to hold the line and carve our names out into these sacks of crap. Rich is telling us to run away, with a high pitched voice that should belong to that knight girl standing over there. No that won’t do, that won’t do at all! YOU’RE THE SECOND IN COMMAND RICH! I respect the boss’ right hand man, not some pussy! Let me get this guy back in the program!

“Sub-boss!”

“AHHHHHH!!!!!”

“Sub-boss! Shut up for a minute!”

“Don’t tell me what to do, we're all gonna die!”

This guy is starting to piss me off! You know what, F*** IT! I grab him by the collar and start shaking him.

“RICH WE NEED YOU!”

“Huh? Hey that Su-”

“I DON’T GIVE A SINGLE F*** RIGHT NOW! LOOK AT THIS! The knights are waltzing up to us watching us cower in fear, and you start losing your cool.”

“You don’t understand!”

“INDULGE ME!”

“Everyone knows that when noble warriors show up with rapiers to kill bandits, the bandits die in seconds.”

“What? When was that a thing?”

“It’s a common trend in Fire Em-”

“SAY NO MORE! I have a feeling you’re about to say something incriminating! Look just do your job, at least before one of our guys-”

“GAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

I turn my head to see Bandit H, one of the three bandits who were with G, get shanked by one of the knights. The knight kicks him onto the ground, and he starts convulsing. Not a single person makes a sound, until G looks at his friend and then the knife in his hand. I can only try to stop him from what he was about to do.

“Don’t You Da-”

“EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!!!!”

Yep, all hell started breaking loose. Bandits began rushing in and shoving knights, G tried to avenge H only to get shot by that chick again, Rich piss-ARE YOU KIDDING ME RICH! I slap the fat bastard straight!

“FOCUS!”

*SMACK* “Oof! WHY’D YOU HIT ME!”

“Sorry MISTER PEE PANTS! But G just did what you should’ve done, and we’re about to die for it!”

“That’s why we need to run!”

“You know what fine, I’ll see if-”

“YOU F***ING KNIGHTS!!!!!!”

“Oh S***!”

Yep, that sounds like Steve and if there’s one thing he hates it’s knights. They are the bane of his existence, apparently the last time one made it close to the fort, he crushed the poor sod into a ball with his bare hands. Well maybe there’s hope, let’s see if- IS THAT A F***ING TREE! Nope, that’s a fat ass log though and Steve is lugging that thing into the brawl. With one swing, four knights went flying. The knights are panicked now, some drew their swords, some ran for cover, that girl prepped another bolt, and Goltas rose his brow.

“We need to stop him”

“What?”

“We gotta call Steve back! We can’t win, they got rapiers! The crit rate and emblem tradition and...AHH F***!”

I can’t believe this sack of s***. Did I really respect this guy? I end up slapping him again.

“OWWW!! STOP HITTING ME!!!”

“If you have balls, then punish me when we get back to base!”

“Wait, WHAT!”

“Don’t worry about my phrasing right now! Steve is holding the line, our forces are holding out but these guys know how to fight. What’s worse, Goltas looks a bit annoyed by his men’s performance! Steve can’t disrupt the flow of combat, dodge crossbow bolts, and deal with the enemy leader! You need to- NO! WE need to help him!”

“...You little punk, how are we gonna manage that.”

“I have a plan.”

****

It’s been five minutes since the ambush began, due to the bandits sending in their muscle, my men are starting to disburse. This is starting to get ridiculous, even more so because the kid isn’t doing anything yet. Your father didn’t put you in this unit to sit in the caravan and watch. Looks like it’s time to enter battle. I turn to the squire and give her orders.

“Squire, lay down some suppressive fire, I’m going to the frontlines.”

“I unde-CAPTAIN, YOUR FLANK!”

I turned to see a burly shadow closing in, one of my squad heard the squire and came running. He put his shield up, but it didn’t stop the axe from tearing through his arm and entering his ribs.

“Damn, that was meant for you. Well, I guess that served as a warm up for your flesh!”

It was the leader of the pack, was his prior panic just a ruse! Of course it was, my negligence got my soldier killed!

“Captain…It hurts…”

The poor lad laid in a pool of his own blood, his pained voice entering dryly through my ears. His name was Thomas, he has a mother he writes to constantly. Now, the next letter she receives will be from me.

“...an armor rack.”

“What?”

“When I finish torturing you, that’s all that will be left of you!”

****

“That’s the spirit, Sub-boss!”

I gave Sub-boss Rich an easy plan, he buys some time and I’ll help our boys survive. How will I manage that you ask? Well, I think it’s about time to unveil Mitch’s handy work. That skirmish over there makes the perfect target!

“Come over here, you dumbass thief!”

“Stay the hell away from me rust bucket!”

“I’m gonna enjoy-”

Before the sod could get any closer to bandit A, I pelted him in the face with some pocket sand.

“Hey! What the- GAKK!”

“That’s what you get, you iron arse! Thanks Thief!”

“No Prob!”

My intervention gave A time to give behind that douche and backstab him. All according to Rule #23 of being a thief, always help your friends out! As an added bonus, if things go according to Rule #21, this is a good chance to make myself look good in front of the guys. Especially the members who still think I’m some weirdo. I start to climb a nearby rock in order to put Mitch’s other surprise to good use. I unwrap the cloth on my right wrist, revealing Mitch’s contraption underneath. It’s a miniature crossbow! Mitch also made specialized ammo by rounding out those stones I gave him. These pellets and this crossbow look small, but they pack a serious punch! I should know, I tried it out back at the base. Enough said, let’s snipe some fools! Starting with the guy who tried to jump bandit C. I load a pellet and take aim. After that I took in a deep breath, and shot!

“Yeeowch!”

C jolted hearing the guy behind him, he immediately minced him in retaliation. C is mute like Jasmine, he gives me a nod before going to help out their bud bandit B. Alright, let’s get a couple more shots in.

“YYEEEEE!!!!!”

“Thanks Thief!”

“DDDOOHHHH!!!!!!”

“Nice Shot!”

“Eep!!!”

“Hey! I had that guy!”

There I was, evening the playing field and helping our guys win. That is, until I found myself under fire.

“Next up lets-WOAH!”

“Damn, I missed.”

Right below the stone my right foot was on, was a crossbow bolt. I turn to the direction it came from, only to see that squire bitch trying to prepare another shot. Two can play that game, I prep my instrument much faster due to it’s small size. I take aim at the bolt loaded in the frame, and smash it to pieces.

“What! You cocky bastard, I’m going to- Crap!”

Looks like my job worked a little too well, the broken bolt got tangled in the frame and the wire. The enemy sniper lost their weapon, this is the perfect chance to knock her out. Then we could nab her as a hostage to get out of here!

“Come to me my little bun-GAHHH!!!!”

Right before I could take a shot, I felt something on the back of my left foot. The confusion sent me tumbling back off the rock I stood on, and of course I hit my head on the way down.

“Dammit, WHO’S THE BASTARD WHO DID THAT!”

I know for a fact that wasn’t an accident, or me tripping because I was so busy grandstanding! Then that’s when I saw the bugger, a knight with a similar build as mine and with a sling in his hand. Could it be, has my nemesis finally arrived!