Labyrinth of Memories

When Sachi opened her eyes, she was no longer falling through the cloud barrier but rather suspended in the air of a red night. There was no sky, no sun, no wind, no light. This place felt off. The atmosphere was dense and wrong, like breathing through a wet cloth soaked in guilt. The air was heavy and hard to breathe, fighting against her lungs. There was a constant droning hum in the background, not exactly a sound, but not exactly silence either. It burrowed under Sachi's skin, crawling inside her ears and itching the inside of her skull. 

Suddenly she was no longer suspended. As if the ground created just beneath her floating feet, she was now standing in this peculiar world. 

Sachi's body didn't feel like her own. She could still control it, but every motion dragged like it was happening underwater. Her limps felt heavy, burdened even, like it didn't want to listen to her. Nothing about her felt normal. Her hands felt too big, her fingers too thin, feet too small, knees too weak. She looked over her body, even her vision seemed disoriented as if staring through a kaleidoscope. She felt disconnected, unsure if this was even her body.

The thick air clung to her skin like static-soaked fabric - sharp and tingling. She was oddly aware of every nerve ending, every breath, every weight she carried that wasn't hers to begin with. 

Sachi looked around. The world twisted and reformed around her, creating a labyrinth. Paths bent at unnatural angles, spiraling inward like her thoughts that she can't escape. Doorways appeared only as she turned away from them, as if mocking her. 

Every inch of the place was dripping with emotional residue, burdening Sachi's heart. The thick, cloying scent of failure and rejection, the subtle metallic tang of shame, the nausea inducing hate. Shadows began to stretch longer than they should, forming into all too familiar figures: her father's angry silhouette, her mother's disappointed eyes, the sneering mouths of classmates she never dared to confront. The eerie figures didn't come forward; they never needed to. Their presence was enough to keep Sachi frozen in place.

Sachi dared not move, afraid of what was to come. The shadows began to speak, not in words, but in sensations - the sharp sting of being laughed at, the dull ache of not being enough, the panic of being watched and judged, the weight of expectations that are left unfulfilled. The sensations struck Sachi's soul, like emotional landmines, painfully reminding Sachi of who she is.

The labyrinth mirrored not just her pain, but the disconnection between her mind and flesh. It knew she had spent years dissociating just to survive. The labyrinth doesn't trap her, it coaxed her. It fed her the lies, pain, and memories she had grown used to:

"No one cares about you."

"You're just a liar."

"You're only acting sick for attention you freak."

"Why try? You'll just fail."

"Why would anyone ever love you?"

"Why can't you be better?"

"What is wrong with you?"

The worst part is that Sachi felt at ease. It's familiar, predictable, normal. It was a cage made of thoughts she had lived with for so long that they felt like truth. The idea of climbing out felt harder than sinking in it.

The shadows eyes grew larger to stare down and pass judgement on Sachi, baring down on her the pressure and judgement she never asked for.

Sachi was used to this feeling. The discomfort that was comfortable. She dared not look back at the eyes, knowing all too well the conflict it brings. She dared not talk back to the unkind words, for deep down she believed she is nothing more than what they say. She dared not fathom the idea that there is more out there for her, that she could ever escape the life she lived. Sachi sank to the ground, succumbing to the labyrinth, to the lies, to the pain. They're all right about me... I don't matter... I am just a failure who will never amount to anything... What's the point...? The world is better off without me...

 The labyrinth embraced Sachi, slowly pulling her through the ground as if she were sinking in quicksand. She didn't fight it, she accepted it, letting herself disappear. As the shadows stared and laughed at Sachi and as the labyrinth began to devour her, she heard a faint little giggle, something so pure and light in comparison to the realm she was trapped in. 

Sachi turned and saw a glowing white light in the distance. As the white light approached, it brought with it a soothing warmth. When it was close enough, Sachi noticed the white light was herself as a young child running around. The glowing small Sachi continued to run around, but the shadows quickly put a stop to it, quickly crushing the white light. Sachi gasped as the laughter of the shadows grew louder and more distorted.

Something inside Sachi stirred. Something sharp and hollow twisted in her chest as she watched the shadows destroy the light. Sachi's body was beginning to feel numb, already halfway swallowed by the labyrinth. It would be easy for her to let go. But something gripped at her heart. She wasn't sure what it was but the warmth from the light, something about it left her wanting more. Slowly, Sachi forced her body to move, fighting against the labyrinths trap. With all the strength she had, she ripped her arms from the labyrinths grasp and grabbed at the edges of the ground to continue to pull herself out. She was stronger than she thought, she didn't think she had it in her. 

The shadows towered before her threatening her with their ridicule. 

"Pathetic."

"Disrespectful brat."

"You're not enough."

The words stung and her painful memories kept resurfacing. But before Sachi knew it, her voice snapped without her realizing it. "Why should I listen to you!? I've spent so long listening to the words of others and when I stop to think about it, I don't know why..." Sachi's words surprised her, she had never talked back before, but somehow it felt liberating. 

The shadows shrieked out and leapt towards Sachi, but instead of a collision, Sachi was met with the labyrinth turning upside down and what was once above her was now an opening that dragged her in. She fell through the twist and turns of the labyrinth until she finally met the ground. 

When Sachi got up, she was surrounded by mirrors. Exaggerated mirrors that reflected how her body felt in this realm. Her face and form were warped everywhere she looked. Too big, too small, too tall, too short, too many pimples, too many scars, too many dark circles, too much dry skin. Every mirror showed her a different image of herself, but each still showed her for the disgusting creature she was. She had never once felt pretty. Sachi looked away, too ashamed of her appearance to look any longer. 

As Sachi refused to look at the mirrors, that same soothing warmth appeared out of nowhere, catching Sachi's attention. When she looked again, all the mirrors continued to show cruel images of herself, but one mirror showed an imaged of Sachi as a kid smiling as she colored her drawing. The mirror showed another image of Sachi smiling as she played in the Lake of Fairies with Himari. Sachi gazed upon the smiling images and couldn't help but recall those were moments she felt safe and happy. "Maybe I'm not all that hideous..."

The mirrors suddenly started to close in on Sachi, threatening to squish her. Sachi panicked and braced for impact but instead of being squeezed, she went through the mirrors. She found herself with her hands and feet bound to a wall. No matter how she tried, she could not move.

Just then, another shadow appeared in front of her, this one much larger than the ones before. The shadow held a dark bow and arrow and aimed it towards Sachi. "You will fight me." The shadow's voice crawled under her skin; its voice soaked with malice. Sachi tried to break out of her binds, but it was no use. "How can I fight you when I cannot move?"

The shadow drew its arrow back and shot it at Sachi, narrowly missing her stomach. Sachi could feel the arrows breathe against her side, its evil energy making the hair on her skin stand. 

"You shall not talk back." The shadow said as it drew another arrow back.

"But-"

"Silence! You will do as I say!" The shadow's voice growing crueler as he shot another arrow, this time landing next to Sachi's neck.

Sachi gulped, she could feel the heat radiating off the arrow. 

The shadow drew another arrow back.

Sachi felt hopeless. She couldn't move. She couldn't talk. She had nothing to fight back with. She was completely defenseless and at its mercy. The shadow released its arrow, and it struck Sachi's chest. Sachi groaned as the pain quickly surged through her whole body. 

The shadow drew another arrow back. "Make yourself interesting and fight back!"

Sachi grimaced. "I cannot fight back! You cannot ask something so unrealistic of me. I can only do so much with how I am."

The shadow released the arrow that aimed directly at her head, but instead of a deathly pierce, Sachi was met with the same soothing warmth from before.

When Sachi's eyes opened, she was face to face with the white light. She was no longer bound or in any pain. "What are you? What is this place?"

The white light that reflected her youthful appearance spoke to her in a gentle voice. "I am a part of you just as this place is."

"This was all a part of me?" Sachi questioned in disbelief.

"Yes. This labyrinth is your soul, though it grew dark and twisted over the years from the hate and fear you let control you. I am the part of you that fights back."

"You're fighting for me?"

"Correction. We're fighting for you. I mean, look how far you came just now. You probably don't even realize it but I have more strength than I did before, and that's all because of you."

"But... I didn't do anything..."

"Nonsense. You stood up for yourself. That's plenty given how much hurt you've been through. I couldn't be prouder."

Sachi's heart ached, and her eyes were tempted to shed tears. Someone was proud of her. She had longed to hear those words and to feel like she had done enough. 

The white light continued. "Because you don't give up, I can continue fighting for you."

"Sometimes I want to give up though..."

The light didn't flinch or shrink away. "I know. But you're still fighting. Even now. That takes such bravery and strength."

Sachi blinked. The warmth from the light spread through her, not burning or painful, but filling her with something she hadn't felt in so long it frightened her.

Hope.

"But what if I get pulled back in? What if the voices don't stop? The darkness. The self-hate. The anxiety. What if I fail again?"

"Then I'll still be here. Fighting with you. You don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to be okay all the time. You just have to remember that you're worth saving."

The words hit Sachi like a soft blow to the chest.

"I don't know how to do this... How can I live without hating myself? Without listening to the voices?"

"You start small. You breathe. You eat. You get out of bed. You forgive yourself. You speak kindly to yourself, even if it's just a little. You let yourself make mistakes. You stand up for yourself just as you did today. And when you fall, remember that you were brave enough to walk through this labyrinth of hell and come out stronger, remember you were brave enough to try again, brave enough to live."

Sachi couldn't hold back the tears now. They spilled silently down her cheeks.

Sachi embraced the glowing light, wrapping her arms around the part of herself she had long abandoned. "I missed you..." 

"I never left. You just stopped looking for me."

The realm began to change. The labyrinth didn't disappear, but it was no longer a prison. It had become a landscape of memory, a place she had survived. The pain was still real. The past still happened. But something inside Sachi had changed. She rediscovered her hope that was lost along her path of life. 

"It's time, isn't it" Sachi asked as she wiped her tears.

"Only if you're ready."

Sachi took a deep breath. "I don't know who I'll be out there, but I know I don't want to be like this anymore..."

The white light shone brighter, dispelling the labyrinth. The labyrinth faded and so did the white light, returning to Sachi's soul.