Bed of Feathers

Being surrounded by darkness has now become a common thing in this place, so the idea of being surrounded by light now troubles me to a great extent. My eyes continue to burn, unable to make sense of the area I am currently in. My legs attempt to feel the weight of a floor to rest myself on, but as I move towards the supposed floor, nothing is there, leaving me floating around what seems like an limitless expansion of air and light.

As I bask in the area as if living through a conscious daydream, I eventually take notice of thousands of figures that make up the entire area surrounding the place, proving that there is certainly a limit that exists within here after all; although one that I just cannot see. Upon closer inspection, the figures all seem to have the make up of endless amounts of feathers that continue to disappear and reappear in constant motion, like the art of cells in the human body that constantly die and are replaced by new cells. However, the thousands of figures surrounding the place do not only consist of humans. Plenty of Tori also bear the same fate within this place, forced to embody the genetic makeup of feathers acting like cells to mark out their former existence.

Those feathers…are the same ones from the safe zone I experienced on the sixty sixth floor. Weightless, yet still sensible.

Christoph once mentioned humans and Tori being unable to respawn in this place when they encounter…him.

Nakai Shinji…and that light of his…

Just what is he?

“I think the real question you should be asking…is what are you?” a familiar voice speaks out.

Turning to my right side, I see the vision of Christoph being molded into the collection of humans and Tori, as the small cells that make up his lower, naked body slowly continue to wrap itself into feathers one by one. Christoph’s eyes and mouth remain closed, prompting me to understand that he himself can no longer see me or speak to me, but his soul still can; which also explains how he is able to read what I have been thinking.

“...so this is what you meant about Nakai Shinji…and why you were so desperate to avoid him…” I voice telepathically, as I myself also seem unable to speak through my mouth.

“I’m glad you could finally come to understand that.” Christoph voices back.

I continue to stare towards Christoph, and the beautiful art that his retired body is conforming into. To the right and left of Christoph, Kedaz and Zedak’s bodies had already been molded into the collection of white feathers encompassing the surrounding area, rendering me unable to speak with them one last time in the same instance I am able to with Christoph.

I begin to feel a sense of frustration all the same, knowing that for once…

What was once mine has now been taken from me.

“Stop fretting about, Mr. Nehman,” Christoph voices out, “It is just as you spoke of before. The law of power…no matter who has it, it can always be taken for oneself,”

“Not to me.” I voice out bitterly, “It can happen to anyone. But not to me.”

“And what makes you believe in such a double standard?”

“Because…I’m different. I said it before. Power can be taken by anybody, but can only be maintained by those who seek more than what they already have. And there’s no one…absolutely no one…who has more ambition for power than myself.”

“And how can you believe that? It’s not possible for you to know the hearts of everyone around the world at once.”

“...I made sure of it. I swore to myself, after seeing firsthand what the absence of sustenance, material and power can do.”

“Mr. Nehman…do you remember the words you spoke of afterwards?”

“...after what?”

“Power can be taken by anybody, but can only be maintained by those who seek more than what they already have.”

“...”

“You then said…that It’s human nature for man to do whatever it takes to reach the gods…now allow me to ask you a question…”

“Do you, Nehman Ho…have what it takes to reach the gods?”

“...I don’t know…”

The voices of laughter flows from all around me, all resembling Christoph’s familiar voice.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard you seem so dejected, rather than as spirited as I know and love you to be like.”

“You’ve been in this place for hundreds of cycles. Barely got to know me for a few days. And now you’re talking about getting to know and love me.”

“Well…in the same way it is easier to find gold in a bed of silver, it is also easier to find love when surrounded by hate.”

“Always responding with sophisticated answers. You never change, even till the end.”

Christoph's voice remains silent for a brief moment, until a loud sigh is heard.

“You’re right. It seems this really is the end, doesn’t it. Once these feathers turn me over in the same way they have to all the others…my soul will most likely cease to exist.”

I begin to look around, spotting a few others in the process of being taken into the bed of feathers and figures in the same manner as Christoph.

Surely, they are all people from Bruno’s party.

“More than likely, yes,” Christoph responds quickly, “But Bruno was killed long before the others came into the scene. Most likely, he has respawned once more. But this time, without his companion, leaving him defenseless against those who ought to seek revenge for everything he has put them through all this time.”

“Not my problem.”

Christoph’s voice chuckles softly, “Fair enough.”

Facing front, with my arms folded and my legs crossed, my eyes continue to stare forward at Christoph, wishing I had more time to make use of his talents for myself.

“Tell me your story.” I request.

“My story? You, of all people, are interested in something like that?” Christoph’s voice responds softly. His voice beginning to fade prompts me to realize that his soul is fading now as well.

“You don’t have much time left. But before you go…I would at least like to hear the story…of the great Christoph Schmidt.”

Silence befalls the scene, until Christoph’s fading voice begins to speak out slowly.

“I was born in a village near Dresden, an eastern city of my homeland. Germans are a strict lot, especially in the outskirts to the east, so education began for me at the very young age of three years old. They tried very hard to impose the same mentality that the generations before had grown accustomed to believing; whether about the progress of our people, the riff raffs of those outside, or even the values of Christ, mixed in with the values of the leaders of government.. Like many, I wholeheartedly believed in these customs at a very young age, wanting to prosper my nation alongside my brethren to the best of my ability. I studied hard, only to be left wanting more for the sake of curiosity; to help break the molds of what can truly exist for the betterment of my people.”

“Then came the war. The one to end all wars, as they told it. I was too young to enlist at the time, but I still remember my father’s last meal with my family. He was a good man. Not long after the war ended, I found myself in the prime of my youth. Studying in a prestigious university. I worked hard to make the rough time that my country faced not too much harder on my mother and siblings, wanting to better their lives through any form of ingenuity I could put together. However, after plenty of trials, all I received were tons of failures. I tried and tried, again and again. Nothing seemed to work how I wanted it to.”

“All of my colleagues seemed to be making great progress though. One even invented something that was sure to be a great mark of achievement for the German science field. He was a brilliant mind. I envied him greatly…so much so…that I killed him, and took his invention for myself. It’s not as if my mind couldn’t fathom how he created it. I was simply frustrated that I didn’t think of it first…which is now a stain that has haunted me for so long.”

“I told myself that I did it for my family, because we needed a miracle to escape from the Great Depression. I told myself I did it for my people, because I am the only one capable of expanding the invention to a greater extent, even more than my colleague ever could have. I deceived myself into believing that my false victory was the right thing, and that if I were to ever receive punishment, my great achievements would heavily outweigh my crimes; therefore, leaving me sinless.”

“As time went on, the Nazi regime took hold. I was made one of the regime’s lead scientists…and that is where I found that science for the sake of war…was far more suited for me than science for the sake of peace and prosperity. I invented so many things that killed so many soldiers in the second war…and felt proud of myself, just as much as my people seemed to be proud of me. I became a celebrated figure. Rewarded greatly, even more than for the invention I had stolen for myself; thus reducing the extent of guilt I had felt from bits to nil.”

“Even after the second war, I was pardoned. Excused by my people’s mindset of progression being far more important than justice. Although, that isn’t to say that no one resented me. I was allowed to continue my research, and kept my status, alongside my wife and children. Our nation became more open to outsiders, but also became divided through the mindsets of outside forces. The more I was forced to see it with my own eyes, the more I envied those that won out over us. I couldn’t come to blame myself. Instead, I blamed everyone that had fought on the front lines for the cause, crying out that they didn’t use my inventions to the best of their ability.”

“Somehow, that sense of envy for what could have been morphed into something strange. I began to look at the immigrants coming into our lands, wanting to take after them in order to atone for the mistakes that my people had settled for. If I could just be more like them…if my people could just have been more like them…then maybe we would have won…”

My face squeezes in discomfort for what I am anticipating, “Don’t tell me…” my voice calls out.

“Yes…:” Christoph responds, “I began to hunt those who were not of our blood, and would take bits and traits that they possessed in order to see what I could make of it for myself. I also captured some of my own kind, looking to test out my new theories. But to my unfortunate demise, I was found out by the government, as they had secretly been keeping track of my exploits the entire time after the second war ended. I was executed privately, and was told beforehand that my crimes would not be broadcasted to anyone else…not even my own family. Surely, they had been told that I died in a scientific accident…or so I hope to believe.”

“You’re a sick man, you know that,” I spit out, while starting to scratch my head aggressively, “The lives of soldiers in the second war weren’t enough for you it seems. You just had to go out and get a few more,”

“...I apologize,”

“Don’t apologize to me, you sick bastard. Apologize to everyone whose your life you are responsible for taking,”

“I would if I could…because in coming here, and after being killed mercilessly by a human-faced Tori, I was forced to take a look back, and see the extent of the envy I have carried since the days of my youth. No matter how many times I respawn, I am always forced to look back at my life, causing this great sense of regret to continue to plague me evermore. I often thought I would lose my mind, and once committed a great show of suicide in front of many eyes, hoping that it would result in the atonement of my sins and turn me into one of the laughing bones. But all it did…was catch his eye.”

“...Nakai Shinji.”

“He saw my display as an act of marvel. And after finding out about my talents for inventing things that can aid in the art of war and bloodshed, he decided to place me at his side. I was the final member of the five. And if I am being honest…I enjoyed myself.”

“Then what made you leave?”

Christoph’s voice continues to fade more and more, becoming much harder to make out his words, “,,,as the sense of regret…was beginning to fade…I found myself…now with a sense…of both freedom…and captivity…I was able to do…what I loved to do…but….I was no longer myself….I was…now a slave…leaving me only…with the same sense…of envy…that I once had…”

“Envy…is a product of fear…you only feel it…when you believe…that someone…is of higher value than you…regardless…of what aspect…they may carry…and you feel…that you are missing…”

“I began…to feel that for him…and it became…intoxicating…I was unable to sleep…I was unable to think…I hated myself…just for being around him…because I knew…that all the troubles…of envy…that I had forgotten…would only continue…to grow…once again…”

“I told you before…that I also envy you…Nehman Ho…but with you…my envy doesn’t grow…and…it doesn’t feel like a burden…watching you…constantly break barriers…and go after what you want…in your own way…rather than leaning on others…made me feel…envious…because I always wished…that I could have done that…throughout my life…”

“When I met you…you were a man…who clearly…had a lot to hide…so much so…that you…wanted nothing…to do with us…but you also…seemed like a man…with no fear in his heart…completely opposite…to myself…I knew I had…to gain your trust…so I decided…to give you…my best works…and work with you…as best as I could…in order to find out…why you are…the way you are…and in order…to see how best…to apply that…to myself…”

“...I’m grateful…even for the few days…we spent together…it was worth…going out like this…because I learned…that freedom…is nothing but a curse…when you…are constantly comparing your freedom…to that of others…”

The morphing of Christoph’s cells into feathers has already taken over his hair, beard, and parts of his face; now moving towards his eyes, which will surely be the end of his soul’s existence.

“So do not fret…Mr. Nehman…”

“This may…be the end…for me…”

“But not…the end…for you…”

“Of course it's not.” I respond quickly.

A final volume of laughter erupts from Christoph’s faint voice.

“It’s just about how I am supposed to escape this strange place,” I spit out, bitter about the situation.

“You aren’t trapped here…you have…the dragon’s head…”

“The symbol…of man’s greatest sin…evolved…into its greatest form…”

“What do you mean by that?” I ask, “

“You will…have to find that out…from someone else…”

The last cells across Christoph’s eyes begin to morph slowly into feathers.

“You did well for me, Christoph Schmidt. You have my thanks.” I say as I reach out my hand towards him, although unable to reach him.

Even with his cells being changed into feathers, Christoph forcefully wills his lips into moving into a soft smirk, one last time.

“And you…have mine as well…”

Christoph’s eyes turn into feathers, and his voice fades out completely, indicating his soul being extinguished, just like the others in the surrounding area. The sense of frustration that had been welling up inside me flares up into an aggressive ball of rage, making it harder and harder to hold it in. Laughter ensues, but I am no way amused by the situation.

Taking something of mine…

And I receive nothing in return…

So many questions left unanswered…

So many answers left fruitless…

The surrounding light begins to shine brighter, as if trying to blind me into submission once again. However, as I close my eyes, I begin to feel the same serpent of darkness that has been swallowed up against itself now coursing through the inside of my body, until it escapes through my right nostril. I feel streams of lightning beginning to attack me from all sides, as if trying to quell back the serpent to where it came from; but the serpent only continues to grow, while hissing loudly. It even feels as though it has begun to strike back against the streams of lightning, as every strike back feels like a sting to the crown of my head, but like a sense of pleasure to my heart.

As I open my eyes slowly, my vision turns the blinding light surrounding the area into a gray tone, as if mixing white and black together through the sheer will of my frustration alone.

Unacceptable.