If You Gaze Into The Abyss

Dammit, I can’t sleep like this. Feels like my brain is being drowned in cold water, Lucius thought, giving up on his attempts and leaving the idle chamber. He still wasn’t used to the unnaturalness of the mode of rest.

Walking down the hall, he returned to the main center of the Sanctum, hoping to pass some time until the morning, or at least exhaust himself until he passed out. The lights had all been dimmed to help stimulate a feeling of rest, but it was unable to dim the intrigue that Lucius felt from his surroundings.

All the different levels of this place, all together in such a chaotic order. It reminds me of that one artwork I remember dad bringing me to the gallery to see. 'Relativity,' that’s what it was called. Stairways meeting at impossible angles, a whole world unlike anything I’d ever seen.

“You can’t sleep either, huh? I don’t know how the twins do it, it’d be easier for me to just sleep on the floor,” Caesar said, seated at the long table.

“I guess I just prefer the old fashioned way,” Lucius replied.

“This place is pretty crazy, though, even by my standards. Did they show you the void outlook? Umbra showed me when you guys were out, you gotta see it.”

Caesar jumped up and beckoned Lucius to follow him down a winding corridor, steps leading down to lower levels. The hallway opened up at the end of the way, leaving the two standing at the edge of a universe.

“Have a look, peer down into the void,” Caesar said, letting Lucius step ahead first.

The platform jutted forward into a cliff of polished stone, suspended in impossible space. A slim railing traced the edge, the only barrier between the two boys and the yawning abyss below. Beyond the railing, infinity stretched out.

A galaxy swirled and churned in silence, endless, and restless. Black seas rippled and currents of starlight delegated into rivers of fire and shadow. Eruptions bloomed, slow motion thunderheads with sparks of violet and molten gold dissipated outward. In the distance, entire constellations glittered, each one perched on the lip between creation and collapse.

The floor beneath was polished obsidian, reflecting the storm of colour below so it was like being suspended in the very center of infinity. Leaning over the railing felt like standing on the rim of a world with no ground, like proud deities observing the beginning of creation.

“This is…incredible,” Lucius said after a long pause in awe.

“Told ya, didn’t I? I’ll give the twins credit, they really know how to decorate.” Caesar placed both hands on the railing and peered down into the abyss.

After a few moments of silence filled with the savouring of their divine surroundings, Lucius turned to Caesar and broke the silence.

“I gotta ask, Caesar, why are you doing all this? Like, what’s your reason for being a part of this plan?”

Caesar took a break from glancing down and glanced over at Lucius instead, the two locking eyes.

“Not sure, guess it just sounded like fun,” he replied, nonchalantly.

“Really, that’s it? That’s enough of a reason for you to risk your life?” Lucius asked.

“Why not? Every morning when you wake up, your life’s at risk. You step outside, a bomb could be dropped on your head, a deadly virus could infiltrate your mind and make you go insane, an Hourman could decide they don’t like the colour of your shirt. Everything we do is a risk, so we should at least enjoy it while we can. Besides, the payout from this little stunt won’t be too bad either.”

“I guess…” Lucius replied, unsure if he agreed with Caesar’s philosophy.

“Lucius, when you’ve seen the things I’ve seen, been the places I’ve been, you end up just accepting things for what they are. I know who I am, and I know what I deserve. Once this is all said and done, I’ll be on my way to somewhere new. I live my life how I choose to, and I’m just fine continuing on like that for the rest of my days.”

“So that’s it then? You just do jobs and steal things every once in a while, never staying in one place for too long. I mean, hopefully one day this city will be a nice place to live, a place to raise a family. You’ve never met anyone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with?”

“You think too far in the future man, just enjoy the now. Look at us, we’re standing over the edge of a universe, and we’re talking about girls. The jokes really do write themselves.”

Caesar looked back towards the void, searching around for answers hidden in the blackness, before continuing.

“The ones I’ve met, I don’t know, maybe I’m just not the right guy for all of that. I think I’m too far gone to be fixed by anyone, it’s something I gotta figure out all on my own.”

Down below, a white mass of energy collided into a crimson star, painting the blackness with lingering streaks of pink.

“What about you, you got someone waiting for you after all this?” Caesar asked.

Lucius thought for a moment, unsure how much he wanted to share, but he felt a familiarity with Caesar, a comfort like talking to an old friend.

“Well, no…not anymore. There was someone, feels like a lifetime ago now, but I did have someone I really…cared about.”

The pink streaks grew brighter, morphing into a deeper hue.

“The truth is, I would’ve been willing to do anything for this girl, would’ve become anything she wanted me to be. Even after all the mistakes she was making, and the even bigger ones both of us were making, I looked the other way. I tried to steer her in a different direction, but I just couldn’t. Just ended up making things worse. I can’t even blame her for leaving.”

The pink streaks diminished, followed up by a dark green swirl expanding and pulsing like a brand new universe.

“But you know, I’ve realized, everything that happened was because I believed in her, more than she believed in herself, more than I believed in myself. Maybe I never will be able to care about anyone ever again, maybe I blew my one chance. But maybe you’re right, it isn’t anyone’s job to fix me but my own. I see that now, see that it’s been that way all along.”

The abyss called forth to Lucius, the swirling galaxy erupting in a whisper. He thought he could make out the face of someone he knew in the darkness, but maybe it was just the face of the void.

“I'm glad you showed me this place, and that we got to talk. I’m gonna try again to get some sleep, I can’t mess things up for everyone tomorrow. You should rest up too. Goodnight, Caesar.”

Lucius gave a nod of appreciation, and with one last glance into the black, he disappeared down the hall.

“See ya later, Lucius,” Caesar quietly replied, feeling the whole universe at the tips of his fingers.