Tank

Osric lies in the closet, listening to his parents’ noises.

Man, they're at it again. They've been doing it every night! Maybe Catalina is going to get that daughters she wanted. He thinks, rolling over and plugging his ears. 

At some point, the noise fades away, and he drifts off...

Osric is laying on the forest floor. He's sinking into a bed of dead leaves. He pushes off the ground, he can't stand — stuck under a huge log.

The crunching of leaves perks him up. Peering over the log, a short, black-hooded figure approaches him. The face is hidden, but its red eyes beam through the darkness of the hood. Wading through the leaves in brown trousers and boots.

Osric squirms, panicked. His flailing only sinks him deeper into the dead leaves. He's stuck. He tries to scream, but his voice doesn't leave his throat.

The rustling stops, and the hooded figure looks over it's shoulder. Growling behind him, Elayne approaches. Slowly prowling on all fours. She curls up her lips. She bares her fangs. Her tail in the air, straight as a rod.

Knock! Knock!

"Osric! Get up, it's church day. John is coming over," Randolf yells through the door.

Osric jumps up. Oh, I was just dreaming, he comes to his senses, fiddling with the door handle.

It's church day, meaning I get beat up by John again. He remembers laboring down the hall.

Wait a minute... Creaking down the stairs, he has an idea. When we were fighting that bear Elayne distracted it, giving me time to cast a spell. What I need is a tank. Someone to draw aggro while I chant my incantations. And if Elayne’s learning the sword, then I don’t have to!

He kicks open the back door. Randolf and John are already out there, wooden swords in hand. Elayne sits on the well, playing with the knot of her head covering.

"Father, hear me out." Osric waltzes over to them.

"Elayne is my assistant, correct? So it would make more sense that she would learn the sword instead of me. Think of it like this: My assistant will always be with me, so my assistant should be doubling as a bodyguard."

Randolf stares at him for a moment.

"Well, that does make sense," he finally says. "Elayne, what do you say?" He turns to ask her.

What? That worked? Osric takes a step back, shocked. Is that all I had to say?

Elayne is now knelt over, poking at a black beetle crawling across the grass. Not listening.

"What do you think of learning the sword?" Randolf lowers the sword to her.

She looks up, scrunching her brow. "Why?"

"You're going to be my tank, basically my bodyguard," Osric explains.

"No. I don't wanna." She looks back down at the beetle, poking it again. It opens its back and flies away.

"I'll have Helen go into town and buy you some more candy apples," Osric adds.

Her eyes light up. "Okay! Gimme." She yanks the sword out of Randolf’s hand.

>>>

Osric leans against the well. Arms behind his head, he watches Randolf teach Elayne.

"Now, put your hands here." Randolf kneels down, pointing at the bottom of the hilt.

"I don't want to fight a girl!" John objects from across the yard.

"She's not much of a girl, don't worry about it." Osric remarks, sneering.

Elayne's head snaps over to him. She stares daggers at him.

"Just kidding."

"I want you to raise your sword up over your right shoulder and bring it down like this." Randolf grips the tip of the sword, slowly motioning the swing.

"Now John, come over here." Randolf motions to him.

"Elayne, do that swing and John will show you how to block it."

John holds his sword above his head. Elayne winds up her swing so far that the tip of the sword touches her back.

Thwip!

The next thing Osric sees is splinters of wood flying through the air. John’s sword is sawed in half. Elayne’s sword lies on the grass, seemingly slipped out of her hands.

"Ow, my hands!" John cries out.

John drops his sword. Opening his hands, Osric clearly sees the red welts on his palms.

"What a swing, Elayne!" Randolf exclaims, his eyes wide open. "You might have a knack for this!"

I didn't even see her swing. Did I blink — do I blink really slow or something? Osric blinks his eyes several times to test. How did she break the sword like that? That's not normal seven-year-old strength.

Elayne looks from John, on his knees crying, to Randolf, who's still stunned, jaw ajar.

"What? Did I do it?" she asks.

Staring at her, Osric remembers. She lifted that giant tree off me in the forest. I mean, she had a lever, but still. That's not normal human strength. Is this because she's half beastkin? No wonder it hurts so bad when she hits me.

>>>

Osric sits at the dinner table slurping stew. As his stew hits his taste buds, he shudders. This stew isn't bad, but whenever she makes it, she makes a full cauldron of it. He flicks his eyes to the large metal pot hanging over the fireplace. I'm tired of it. Could really go for some pizza.

"Hey, Mother. Have you ever heard of pizza?"

"Mm-mm." Catalina shakes her head, a mouthful of stew.

"Pizza is a flat piece of bread with sauce and cheese on it. Do you think you can make something like that?"

"I could try. Why don't I make that after we run out of stew?" She goes back to slurping.

What's up with the both of them? Have they always been this agreeable? I don't think so. What has changed recently, then? Oh... and they "started doing it" again. It's all making sense. Osric nods to himself, bringing a spoonful into his mouth.

Is that why Randolf wanted me to apologize so badly? So Catalina would be in the mood, and he could get his rocks on... off? Is it off?  Like I would now.