The Breastplate

“Great job! But watch out for the one behind you!” I yelled as Ori cut down a group of slime goblins with her staff, and dropped panting to her knees as the last one fled. “Granted these things are only a foot and a half tall, but those are the first enemies you’ve actually defeated!”

“Why was that so hard?” she groaned.

“Probably because you're naked.”

“Naked?” she said, glancing down at herself.

“You don’t have any gear. You haven't made any upgrades to your equipment.”

“Oh,” said Ori. “How do we get better equipment?”

“I don’t know. Did you get anything from the slime goblins you just killed?”

“Seven coins.”

“Okay, well once we save up enough we should be able to buy you some upgrades. Come on, let’s keep moving.”

“Hey, Bastian, I wanted to ask you–”

“What’s up?”

“Last night, when we entered the hotel room. Did you get a weird privacy message?”

“Yeah.”

“What was that about?”

“It was just to tell us that they don’t observe anything that happens in the bedrooms and stuff, so like: be careful who you go in there with, you know.”

“Oh,” said Ori. I thought that was the last of it but after a few seconds, “Bastian?”

“Yo.”

“Why would there need to be extra privacy in the bedrooms?”

“You know…” I said. “In case we wanted to like…you know.”

Ori turned bright red. “You…you don’t mean…”

“Yeah,” I said, feeling my own cheeks start to burn.

Ori gasped in a ‘clutching her pearls’ sort of way. “That’s disgusting! The idea!”

“I don’t think it’s such a bad idea,” I said.

“I have a fiancé!” Ori shouted.

“Wha–I–I didn’t mean me and you! I meant I understand why they wanted to give us privacy–that’s all! I wasn’t insinuating–never mind!”

We didn't speak for a while after that. I don’t think we even looked each other in the eye until we stopped for lunch.

Defeating another pack of slime goblins, Ori let out a groan. “Are you sure this is the best way to train? It feels like a lot of work, and we aren’t getting experience any faster than we were with the healing method.”
“No, but it gets us closer to improving your equipment and it also gets you used to fighting. You don’t like fighting the slime goblins, and they don’t even come up past your knee. Even if you had the stats and the equipment, do you think you could fight a wolf or something even scarier? You have to build tolerance for fighting. You need to try and make mistakes and learn from it in a lower stakes environment. Also you aren’t mana bound with this method so theoretically you should be able to keep at it nonstop.”

“Easy for you to say. All you do is stand there and watch.”

“Oh yeah. Lucky me. Gets to carry around the barrels everywhere he goes. Aren’t we all jealous of Sebastian?”

“I’ve been wondering–are you actually carrying them or are they just part of your…being?”

“Honestly I’ve wondered that myself. It’s kind of unclear. I might just have jacked goblin arms or something–actually can we not talk about my Goblin body? It gives me emotional distress...”

“Alright,” she said, getting up with a sigh, “time to slaughter some more of your brethren.”

“Seriously, do you remember the one I sat on? Right before you bonked his head, I think he called me a traitor! Never mind that he attacked me first, the little booger.”

In the evening we returned to Elvera and investigated the blacksmith shop.

“He has a mage’s breastplate for sale, but it’s six hundred coins,” said Ori with a sigh.

“Well, keep this up until the end of the week and we’ll be able to afford it.”

“You mean a week of bopping goo goblins over the head with my staff?”

“Yep,” I said. “Should get you to level four, too,” I said with a wink.

“Do I learn anything useful at four?”

“No, don’t think so. But you’ll get a little stronger.”

“Are we sure this is what we’re supposed to be doing?”

“I don’t know. I’ve combed through the menu, but it doesn’t explicitly mention points anywhere. I’m just going off what Pasqual said and the fact that they made us all various kinds of classes and stuck us in a team-based RPG. Do you have any better ideas?”

“I just want to buy a horse and ride it far away.”

“Far away from me I guess you mean.”

“Well, you are acting like my drill sergeant.”

“What can I say? I’m living vicariously.”

The next day we got an early start and had a productive morning, but by the afternoon Ori was worn out and wanted to head back to town. For my part, I thought it was a waste of time. Even if I talked her into coming back out later in the day it would mean an hour of wasted travel time, not to mention the time we spent in town, but in the end I gave in. Could I have put my foot down and insisted she keep training? Yes, and I think she would have done it. I think she even expected me to do it, but if she had no interest in training, that was ultimately her business. She wasn’t even obliged to try and get points if she didn’t want to. That’s what I thought about during the walk back, and it must have been written on my face because I noticed Ori acting differently.

“Well, here we are,” I said, as we reached the town square, “what now?”

“Whatever we want,” said Ori.

“You know what I wanted to do,” I said, a little rudely. “I wanted to keep training.”

“That’s all you ever want to do: train, train, train. There’s more to life than that, you know?”

“Maybe so, but I wouldn’t know anything about it,” I snapped, sitting down on the fountain.

Ori sat next to me.

I said “I get where you’re coming from. At least, I’m trying to. For me, if I could mindlessly play a videogame and not have to think about anything else, that was a pretty good day. I didn’t leave an exciting life behind. Honestly, if I wasn’t like this,” I said, shrugging my barrels, “I’d probably be thrilled to be here. How screwed up is that?”

“I don’t think that’s so crazy. In fact, I bet there are a lot of people here who feel the same way you do. This place is beautiful, and it’s fun too. I’ve enjoyed how we’ve grown closer, getting to know one another. So no, I don’t think it says anything bad about you at all.”

“Thanks,” I said, looking into her eyes. They were so beautiful, like two pieces of polished jade. I wondered if it was her real eye color or if they too had been touched up like the sunsets and her perfect skin.

“Of course, partner,” she said, suddenly acting awkward. “Come on, let’s get some lunch.”

After lunch I followed Ori back out to the square. She was standing by the fountain when the three ruffians approached her.

“Say yes,” I shouted excitedly.

“And get mugged?”

“No, that’s not what happened. What you saw was another thing that I did after that. Their thing was…great.”

“No thanks,” said Ori to the muggers.

They turned and looked at me expectantly. “Beat it!” I barked.

“Have you noticed that this side of the fountain doesn’t work? It’s like it’s clogged,” said Ori, bending down to inspect it.

“That’s just realism,” I said. “Games have started incorporating elements like that which make for a more immersive experience. When you play enough games you learn to differentiate between details that are just for depth and the details they actually want you to pick up on.”

“Look there’s a trapdoor under this cracked pavement stone!” Ori yelled excitedly.

“Couldn’t I just be right?”

“Are you coming?” she asked, impatiently.

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

We descended the steep steps into a cramped underground passageway lit with eerie green light which seemed to come from nowhere in particular.

“I don’t like this place. I can’t believe you’re cool with it,” I said.

“Why? They obviously meant for us to be here. Isn’t this one of those Christmas presents you were talking about?”

“Easter eggs. And I hate how smart you are today. When do we go back to me being the smart one?”

“I was always the smart one. You’re the nerdy one. There’s a difference.”

“You’re not making me feel better.”

“Look, there it is!” yelled Ori.

“There what is?” I said.

“There’s something stuck in that pipe, I’ll bet that’s why the fountain spout isn’t working.”

“You mean that disgusting wad of sewage paper? Yeah…go for it…”

Ori pulled it out of the drain, and it immediately disappeared.

“‘You have found a rare scroll’” she read.

“Wait, seriously?”

“‘They can give you access to out-of-class abilities and even permanent stat bonuses.’”

“What is it? What did you get?”

“Plus five damage.”

“What! That’s amazing. Let me see.”

“Umm, how about I show you later?”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I think we’re in a bit of trouble,” said Ori, backing up.

While we were talking a group of giant rats had surrounded us. They were glaring at us with beady black eyes and hideous, toothy grins.

“Watch out!” I yelled. Ori dodged just in time, as a rat lunged past.

“When they attack, duck behind me. I can soak a lot of damage. Save your heals for yourself, and look for openings to attack. I don’t think we’ll get out of here without killing at least a few of these things.”

Ori shrieked as another rat attacked, and she dodged away from me. The rats seized the opportunity and several struck at her in unison, knocking her down. I charged into them, placing myself between the rats and Ori as they drove their needlelike teeth into my legs.

“Are you alright?” I asked her.

“I’m hurt! Oh Bastian, I’m scared!”

“Don’t be, we can win this fight. This is what you’ve been training for. You can do it!”

Ori got up. “You’re right. Okay,” she said, as the warm green light of her heal surrounded her. “Take this!” she shouted, striking one of the rats and sending it flying. Another lunged at her, but she ducked behind me. Before it could scurry away she was on it with a skull-cracking downward blow. Then came another, clamping its jaws on my shin.

With a yell of pain and fury, I pinned it down under my knee as Ori struck the finishing blow.

“Come on, let’s get out of here!” she shouted.

We darted for the exit, escaping back into the bright sunlight and collapsing on the edge of the fountain, but almost immediately I was up again, surging with adrenaline.

“I can’t believe it! You were incredible!” I shouted. “You were like, Bam! Wham! Wha! Dodge! Bam! Ok, my reenactment would have been a lot better if I could use my arms but still–You were so amazing! Man I always wanted a gamer gi–” I caught myself midsentence.

“Thanks,” said Ori. “That felt really good. And you were awesome too! You never lost your nerve, even when I got overwhelmed. You protected me, and helped me see that we could do it!”

“Yeah,” I said. “It seems we make a pretty good team.” We stood for a moment, just smiling at each other.

“I might be the brains of the operation, but you’re the heart!” she said with a grin.

“I’d rather be the brains,” I said, mournfully.

Ori giggled.

Back in the hotel room that evening we went through our inventories.

“Wow, I got a lot of gold and experience from that fight,” said Ori.

“You’re not gonna believe this!” I said.

“What?” asked Ori, excitedly.

“I got experience. Fifteen experience points!”

“That’s nothing,” said Ori, lying back down on the bed.

“No, you don’t understand. In all our fights I’ve never gotten even a single point of experience. I thought I would be level one forever. This means I can level up!”

“Nice,” she said. She was trying to sound supportive, but I could hear the reservation in her voice. I waited for her to say what was on her mind.

“You know, if I had it my way, I’d stop with all this training. I don’t mean like never kill monsters or anything like that, but this fighting of the same thing over and over just for gold or experience. It isn’t fun to me. I’d rather spend my time exploring Eutopia with you. If at the end of this one of us doesn’t get the panacea, I’ll be fine with that. I just don’t want to feel like I wasted the time that we had here.”

“Alright,” I said.

“Alright?”

“No more grinding.”

“We haven’t done any grinding,” said Ori, giving me a strange look.

“No, in the game. No more killing the same monsters over and over. That’s called grinding. No more grinding.”

“You mean it?” she said, jumping up with excitement.

“Yeah, we’ll do this your way.”

“Yes!” exclaimed Ori. “Ugh! The grinding was sooo boring! No more grinding, uh, no more grinding, uh!” she sang while doing a happy dance with a suggestive amount of hip movement.

“With that said,” she added in a different tone “what do you say to finishing off the rest of those rats tomorrow?”

“Are you serious?” I asked.

Ori nodded. “If we kill the rest of them I think I’ll have enough gold for the mage’s breastplate.”

“That’s a great idea!” I shouted.

“I know,” she said, flipping her hair.

***

We emerged from the sewers late in the afternoon the next day, utterly exhausted but with a sense of victory which rivaled even our previous day’s triumph.

We marched straight over to the blacksmith, and Ori handed over our hard-earned money in exchange for the armor with the look of a child who has saved up all her allowance for the toy she’s pining over.

“I’m famished. You up for an early dinner?” I asked as we entered the lobby of the inn.

“Nope, I’m going straight to take a bath,” said Ori.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good plan. I’ll see you back at the room?”

“Yeah,” said Ori, heading into the girl’s bath. I followed her example and went to the men’s bath for a soak in the hot water. Since there were no NPCs, and no other players, it was effectively an over-sized, personal bath. As I entered I received the same privacy notification as when I entered the hotel room. I stripped off all my clothes–thank goodness for the menu–and lowered myself into the steaming water. I couldn’t help but think of Ori bathing in the next room over, but I tried to push the indecent thoughts out of my head. I took my time in the bath and greatly enjoyed it. When I got out, I found that my clothes were freshly cleaned and folded.

“Nice touch, Doc,” I murmured.

I met Ori in the room, and we went down to dinner together. We must have talked for two hours, because it was getting late when we finally went back upstairs.

“Oh, I should try on my armor,” said Ori, back in the room. I rolled my eyes as she traced the ‘big P’ in the air to bring up her menu.

“Why can’t I equip it?” she mused. “Oh, maybe if I unequip this first?”

As she narrated, her dress disappeared and she stood naked before me, utterly oblivious to what she had done.

“Still nothing? Ugh! Oh, it says level 6 required! Well, that’s lame.”

“Um, Ori…” I mumbled, averting my eyes.

“Yeah?”

“You might want to put your dress back on.”

For a moment she seemed frozen, like her soul had left her body. “...What!!! Nonononono–Why did it let me do that!?”

“Well, we are in the bedroom.”

“Shut up! SHUT UP! Nonononono! Rod’s gonna kill me! I didn’t mean to–No...I’m so sorry…”

“Relax, it’s no big deal. I’ve seen a woman before–I mean not in real life–”

“This isn’t real life! You didn’t see me! You saw an artistic representation! You didn’t really see my–my–”

“Anyways, I’m gonna go to bed now and try unsuccessfully to go to sleep.”

“Don’t you dare think about me! Go wash your eyes out with soap!”

“I am not washing my eyes out with soap. It wouldn’t do anything. What’s done is done, and I think we’re closer for it.”

“Ahhh!!!!” she screamed, trying to drown out my voice.