Ray - Breakthrough (1)

The radiance in Ray’s mind slowly dissolved, releasing her from her cultivation. This time it had taken longer, and part of her seemed unwilling to let go when she sank into the circular symbol. A part of her thoughts clung to the sign that had been shown to her through the crystal.

When she opened her eyes, she had another headache, but this time it was more intense. Ray found herself where she had fallen into cultivation: on a dark slab of gray stone. It was almost smooth-polished and made a wonderful surface to lie on.

Though she had just emerged from her peaceful inner self, Ray remained on her back a moment longer and rubbed her temples.

Damn these headaches, she cursed inwardly.

She closed her eyes briefly and sighed as a fresh breeze brushed across her face. Soon her gaze wandered to the gray sky, which cast its dull, pale light as always. Every time Ray looked upward, it seemed the headache eased a little, though she was probably only imagining that.

Still, Ray focused on the gray expanse above her and felt her chest rise and fall slowly.

Something is missing... What did Dio mean by that? Up there in the sky… what could be missing?

Her muscles tensed, and she hesitated. It felt as if she had forgotten something important, as if she wanted to say something that was right on the tip of her tongue.

But she simply didn’t know what it was, and eventually gave up.

Not far from the large stone slab she lay on, Eri, Sars, and Olver sat around a cold fire. Their eyes were closed. Olver had rejoined them three rests ago and reported that he had settled Gima in a village that had welcomed her. His words weren’t as clipped as those Sars gave when the wind happened to be right, yet even he seemed distant.

“That’s how it is with those who are not as close to the Light as we are. When someone isn’t lucid, they soon fall into routine and spend the rest of their time in monotony within the Dream,” Elga explained later, as she and Ray went searching for branches.

They would reach a settlement soon, and it was customary to bring some material to help the settlers with food preparation. Eri had grumbled that it was more about showing goodwill than actually being useful, but Ray found the gesture very nice.

Normally, Elga always took Demoa with her, but Ray had finally wanted to do something other than ride and meditate, so she had managed to convince Elga to take her along. As they walked through the crunching underbrush beneath a cluster of pale green, shimmering conifers and bell-shaped, violet mushrooms, Ray finally had the chance to speak with Elga alone. Of course, she had intended to ask about the headaches, but now she could also learn something about Elga and her companions.

“That sounds awful! Isn’t it terrible to become like that? Monotonous and indifferent?” Ray asked, breathlessly.

“It’s not indifference. It never really comes across that way when you talk to the people in the settlements. On the contrary, they almost seem relieved. There are no real worries in this region, plenty of food sources, enough work, welcoming people. Who wouldn’t want to live like that, Ray? Who wouldn’t want to live in peace with people who offer you a home and a task that fulfills you?” Elga replied.

“I wouldn’t. And you wouldn’t either.”

Elga suddenly laughed.

“That’s true. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why I can see the Light. Because I want more. It brings me joy to travel and talk to the different people in the Dream, to find out what truly makes them happy. In this way, I hope maybe I can bring a bit more peace and joy elsewhere too. And that fulfills me. But I’m also looking for a special place. A place of stillness and harmony.”

“What kind of place?”

“Sometimes I imagine it and sink into it when I cultivate. I believe it lies in a forest. At the heart of a forest, hidden from the world. A small meadow breaking through the trees, illuminated by shafts of light that fall golden through the branches and dance across the ground. The air is filled with the melodic chirping of birds and the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind. In the center of the meadow, I picture a crystal-clear brook, its water so pure it reflects the blue sky like a mirror. So strange… why should the sky be blue? I don’t know. All I know is that the brook is lined with smooth, moss-covered stones, its banks adorned with wildflowers in every imaginable color and shape. Delicate marsh herbs, vivid red poppies, and soft, white pristinias. The field is covered in lush, emerald-green moss, so that it feels like walking on clouds. The air is full of the sweetest scents and the earthy aroma of damp soil. And there, near the brook, I sit on a stone covered in rich layers of moss and lichen… a perfect resting spot to meditate and admire it all. In my innermost self, it’s always there, now bathed in the glow of the radiant crown you brought. Ah, what I would give to actually find this place in the Dream…”

Elga was now speaking more to herself, and her eyes grew glassy, but then she pulled herself together and smiled at Ray.

She smiled back.

“Why don’t you search for it?” Ray asked gently.

“It doesn’t exist. But it’s enough for me to pretend that it’s out there somewhere. When I think about the rays that illuminate that place, I feel connected to the Light. And then I can use it to make life more pleasant for the people in the Dream,” Elga explained, now more composed.

Ray envied her a little, for all the wonderful people she had surely met, for all the paths to happiness she probably knew. She wondered whether that kind of life might be something for her too, though somehow it didn’t quite fit.

Ray was glad to know that many of the people around her seemed to be doing well, and she silently agreed with Elga that it would surely be something beautiful to bring even more comfort to the lives of those in the Dream.

And yet… was there truly nothing left dwelling in the hearts of people?

No longings they themselves only dimly sensed?

“You’re so quiet, Ray. Are my rambling explanations boring you?”

Elga smirked and picked up a few dry branches.

“No, the place sounds wonderful, and I hope you find it one day, even if you don’t believe in it yourself. It’s just… I admire you and your outlook. And what you do. I just don’t think it’s necessarily the right path for me...”

Ray tried to put her thoughts into words. Elga laughed again, this time so much she began to shake.

“Of course not, Ray. What you want... You have to find that out for yourself. That’s why we’re sending you to the Radiant Monastery and then on the Pilgrimage. So that you can find out what you truly want. So that you can make it possible. And so that you can learn who you really are... First for yourself, and then among the people.”

The Pilgrimage. Eri had spoken of it several times. After all, he was still undertaking it himself. He had explained that one begins it after uncovering their true self, to gain experience, to place oneself in different situations, and then to cultivate the Light while exploring its relation to the Dream.

“I’d like to know who I am. Everything’s gone...” Ray said, looking down at the ground.

Elga placed her free hand on Ray’s head and looked her in the eyes.

“Not everything is gone. You’ve only forgotten. You brought the most important things with you into the Dream. Everything that once illuminated you. At least, that’s what I believe.”

“Thank you.”

Elga turned around and resumed searching for more pieces of wood.

“Elga, what if I never find it out? Who I am? Then I can never return to Dio. And I’ll stay at the monastery, full of regret,” Ray whispered.

What if I do everything wrong?

She feared she wouldn’t serve the Light enough and would one day succumb to the darkness that lurked somewhere, waiting. The darkness that might awaken more people from the Dream than the two she had already incinerated with her Light. The darkness she had glimpsed upon arrival, together with Dio…

“Don’t worry, Ray. You’ll figure it out. I believe in you. You’re connected to the Light and clearer than anyone I’ve ever seen without formal training. You’ll illuminate the world with your Light, believe me! I know we haven’t known each other long, but it seems to me your heart is in the right place. Yes, you turned your Light on others, and I understand that it weighs on you. But the fact that you don’t merely accept it… That it’s still digging at your thoughts, like right now… That shows you’re not corrupted, doesn’t it?” Elga tried to comfort her.

Ray’s eyes widened in confusion.

“How do you know that I just...?”

“You pressed your lips together and looked like you’d seen a mad Karpin. That’s how.”

Ray chuckled. She felt a little better and picked up a few branches that felt dry and brittle in her hands. They reminded her of the scorched earth she had left behind at her place of arrival.

No, that’s the past, she reminded herself.

“Sometimes I get headaches. Is that normal, Elga?” she asked casually, just as they were about to return to the camp.

The Sage stopped abruptly, turned to her, furrowed her brow, and thought for a moment.

“No, not necessarily. It could be that you caught a chill, of course. You haven’t had any fortification training yet, so your body can’t repair itself gradually. I could offer to take a closer look later. Maybe after we’ve been to the settlement? It would take a little while, and I think Eri wants to move on...”

She nodded toward the others, who were already seated on the Muldis. Ray thanked Elga and agreed, then quickly made her way to her mount with the collected branches and climbed up with Sars.

Soon they were moving again. The mountain was now closer, and they could clearly see snow on its peak. The landscape was still lined with a variety of plants, some bright, some dull, so that Ray felt she could never get enough of simply looking at them. Some time passed before they finally saw dark buildings in the distance, around which several people were busy.