Don't Drink the Water in Another World

Haruto sat slumped forward on the tavern's public restroom toilet. Hands up to his forehead, sweating, he glared at the tiled floor. His stomach had been assaulted by the bacteria of this other world. Another thing he'd never seen happen in the isekai he knew of. Now he was stuck on the toilet, trapped, miserable.

“Two days,” he muttered, teeth gritted. "It's only been two days in this world... I can’t drink the water. Can’t get any sleep. Can’t keep from being embarrassed. What’s next?”

The pipes groaned faintly somewhere behind the walls. To his surprise, the place had slightly modern plumbing, complete with running water. Not exactly up to Japanese standards, probably closer to an old train station bathroom in the countryside, but still… a proper toilet, a working faucet, and even a chain flush.

Haruto glanced around the stall. “They’ve got running water, but…” His eyes locked on the empty toilet paper roll beside him, and he gave a bitter laugh. “…no toilet paper.”

His soul sagged, and he changed to his Stress Management Consultant job in order to cope. He threw his head back on the verge of tears once more, staring at the ceiling in despair. He had half a mind to walk out of the stall, pants around his ankles, and sit in the sink to clean himself. At least the water would be soothing to his hemorrhoids.

The restroom door creaked open, letting the sound of happy patrons with clean behinds flood the room. Then it shut quickly, blocking most of it out again. A faint sound of skittering, insect-like taps against the tile moved to and fro.

He grimaced. He knew what he had to do but didn't know if he had the strength to do it. He took a deep breath and did what was necessary.

“E-excuse me.” He said, his voice cracking under the strain of speaking to a stranger in a public restroom. "I'm sorry to ask, but... c-could you pass me some paper?"

The sound stopped suddenly. A moment passed before the door to his stall shuttered once, then twice, and then fell still. Haruto leaned back in fear, pulling his knees to his chest and holding on to the walls beside him.

He examined the door, up and down. Putting his feet back on the floor, he reached for Yggdrasil, not finding it. In his rush to the restroom, he had left it at the table with Aki and the System.

“…Hello?” he called, weakly. He gulped. “Y-you can just... throw it over the door and let me suffer in peace.”

After a moment of silence, it toppled over the top of the door and fell into Haruto's lap. A porcelain doll. Haruto froze, staring at the porcelain figure resting in his lap, afraid to handle it.

Its face was cracked, with eyes like dark marbles, set too deep in their sockets. A delicate smile had been painted across its mouth, faded and chipped. It wore a cute frilly dress, which looked new compared to the doll itself.

Slowly, with trembling hands, he lifted it. The doll was lighter than he expected, its limbs dangling stiffly.

“T-this… uh. This isn't toilet paper.” He squeaked.

The doll’s head twitched. Haruto yelped, nearly dropping it. Then, it began to sing in a whispered lullaby.

"Haruto, lost and weak,
Haruto, death will seek.
Haruto, he's all alone.
Bones will break, his blood will flow."

Haruto’s face stretched in abject horror. "What the fu—"

The doll’s head snapped up with a sickening crack, button-black eyes locking on him. Its porcelain jaw cracked open, revealing crooked, broken teeth hidden beneath the painted smile. It lunged and grabbed for him with unfounded strength.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Haruto screamed shrilly, about three octaves higher than his normal speaking voice.

The doll latched onto his collar, thrashing like a rabid animal, teeth snapping an inch from his face. Haruto flailed, smacking it against the stall wall. He punched and kicked at it, unable to think of an appropriate job to change into.

Outside, Aki perked up at the noise from the restroom. “You hear that?”

“He sounds like a dying goose.” The System chuckled.

“You think he's okay?” Aki asked with an embarrassed smirk.

"Just leave him alone." It said. "Some things a man has to do on his own."

Inside, chaos reigned. Heavy metal music began to play from nowhere, almost like accompaniment to the fight. Haruto wrestled with the doll, its stiff porcelain limbs clattering against him as he tried to keep its jagged teeth away from his pieces.

"The Career Management Society wishes to welcome you to our world." The doll hissed. "We always know where you are!"

The doll screeched through splintered gums. It held out its little doll hand as razor-sharp claws grew from its fingers. It raked across Haruto's torso and face, shredding what was left of his shirt. Haruto reached up and grabbed it by the head, twisting until its neck snapped sideways. The porcelain shattered with a sharp pop, going limp as it hit the floor.

Panting, he watched it for a moment before stomping on it, giving it the old double tap. “That’s it. No more. Until something goes right for me, I'm on vacation.”

He leaned back against the wall, breathing hard, trying to collect himself. He reached out instinctually to grab some toilet paper as the cardboard tube rolled in place. His eyes drifted once again to the empty toilet paper roll.

"Oh, for God's sake!" He screamed from the depths of his very being. His Stress Management Consultant gained a massive burst of experience and a notification popped up. New Job Acquired: Guardian of the Throne (Toilet). "Son of a BITCH!"

Haruto stomped repeatedly on the doll. He looked to the side to see a notification that read "Anger Issues Activated." Wild-eyed and out of breath, his gaze slid down to the doll at his feet. Slowly, hesitantly, he reached for it. He rubbed the fabric of its clothes between his fingers, face twisting with reluctant acceptance.

A few minutes later, Haruto emerged from the restroom, pale, sweaty, and bleeding from the face and chest. He wiped his hands on his tattered shirt. Behind him, the doll, stained, broken, and now thoroughly disgraced, sat slumped in the trash bin by the door.

Aki's jaw dropped as he staggered toward them. “What happened?!”

The System blinked twice, then burst out in raucous laughter. “Looks like you had a real fighter in there.”

Haruto shot it a glare before grabbing Yggdrasil and walking out from the tavern.