Show me who I was and who I am

Laila

I feel the cold floor against my cheek. The sound of laughter and the smell of roasted meat are distant memories, now just a nausea twisting in my stomach. My head spins; everything around me sways. I slump onto the table and close my eyes, hoping to recover, but darkness brings no peace.

Gasping, I reopen them and drag my body toward the door. A sound reaches me. I lower my gaze and see a puddle. «Who forgot to clean thish up?» I mutter, glancing around—the tavern is empty. «Ish it already thish late… or early? I shtill haven’t figured out thish thing about time.» I look at the watch on my wrist; in the dial there’s Søren’s image, his legs spinning wildly as clock hands.

«And where the hell did thish come from? I don’t want it on my wrisht too!» I exclaim, ripping it off and throwing it away.

I fall into the puddle for a while until I crash against a glassy ground. «Ow, that hurt—where am I?» I ask myself as I get up. There’s nothing around me, only a void stretching into infinity, and the silence is absolute. «What the hell is happening?»

I look down. My reflection stares back—but my fuchsia hair isn’t glowing, my eyes are black, and my horns are missing. She tilts her head and waves at me. I tilt mine back and wave. She crouches, lets herself fall. I reach out, grab her, and pull her up.

«Thanks for the help,» she says, straightening her clothes.

«Who are you?»

«That doesn’t matter. Want to take a walk?» she asks, offering me her hand.

«Uh… okay?» I reply, taking it. We start walking, and I see something glowing in the distance. «What’s that?»

«An amusement park.»

As soon as we reach the turnstile, there’s a bored-looking Persian man. «Welcome. How may I serve you?»

«Hello! Two tickets, please!» my double chirps cheerfully.

«Here you go. Try not to get too bored.»

«Oh, we won’t!» She tugs me along through the gate. «So, where do you want to go first?» she asks, holding both my hands.

«I don’t know… maybe the arcade.»

«A peculiar choice to start with,» she says, reflecting aloud. «Perfect. Come with me!» She drags me eagerly. We walk through a long row of booths with various games. All the carnies have strange shapes and look utterly bored. At the end, we reach the arcade hall, and my double stops in front of a strange cabinet.

«Couldn’t we just play some fighting game?»

«No, this one’s perfect.» She inserts a coin, grabs me by the back of the head, and slams me against the screen, shattering it. “Are we in Søren’s house now?” «Exactly!» my other self answers. «It’s the first night, when you two met. Remember?»

«Yes, I remember knocking at his door, and his grandmother getting mad at him for inviting someone over without warning her. I also made him uncomfortable asking to sleep together, then he offered me his room to sleep in…»

«It was so much fun.» “What does she mean? She wasn’t even there.” The scene shifts to his bedroom, daylight pouring in. He’s lying on the bed, and I’m floating above him. «Do you remember all those days spent reading his manga and playing video games?»

«How could I forget? He basically turned me into a nerd. That nerd.»

«I still can’t believe you thought those stories were real.»

«Don’t make fun of me! They were so cool—how could they not be real?»

«Hahaha! You’re right,» she says, wiping a tear. «But then he also worked hard to teach you about his world.»

«It wasn’t difficult. Don’t forget—I’m a Haab-shu.»

The room begins to warp, shifting again. «And do you remember the role-playing sessions?»

«Yes. When we went to his friend’s tavern and played that strange board game. Hmph, how many times did I mess with Søren’s characters…»

«And don’t forget the dinners after the games.»

«Yeah, those were fun. That one time his meal looked bigger and tastier than mine, so we swapped…»

«I miss those days… We had so many fun moments with him—and just as many embarrassing ones.»

«Don’t remind me. I still recall that time at the pub, when some guys made fun of my outfit—the stupid one Søren picked for me.»

«But you can change your form whenever you want,» she counters.

«I know, but I forgot in that moment.»

«I don’t think you forgot. You chose to go out like that.» She looks at me knowingly. «Remember what he did right after?»

«Yes. He took off his shoes and hoodie and gave them to me. There was no stopping him. It was winter, and he caught a bad cold.»

«Haha! And he kept insisting it was just allergies. But you made him stay in bed, and you spent five days binging shows, falling asleep together.» Her words make me avert my gaze, my face heating.

The words ‘Time’s up, insert another coin’ appear before us. I look up—tiny shards of glass fall to the ground, the screen completely shattered.

«Well, now it’s my turn to choose the next place!» she declares gleefully.

We arrive at a huge building labeled ‘Hall of Mirrors’. We enter, passing a hermaphroditic angel with a blank face. She keeps tugging me, running faster. I smash into a pane and fall. «Ow!» I groan, rubbing my face. «Be more careful.» But when I open my eyes, she’s gone. Only an endless expanse of my reflections surrounds me. «Where are you?»

«I’m here!» she replies.

But when I turn, I see only the man from the entrance reflected. I take a step back—he mirrors me. My back slams into another mirror. I spin and see a massive red demon. Everywhere I look, new figures appear—even the carnies from before. Each looks apathetic, sad, or bored. «Who are you, and what do you want from me?!» I scream, punching a mirror. They all shatter.

In the fractured glass before me, my double appears. She gently takes my fist, steps through the shards, and turns my hand in hers with a smile. My hand relaxes as she traces my palm with two fingers.

«Where am I? Who are they?» I ask, tears welling in my eyes.

«I think you know. They’re all your past selves.»

«Why do they all wear that expression?»

She takes my hand, tugging gently. «Come, there’s one last ride.» We walk for a long time in silence, until we reach the ‘Tunnel of Love’. “Is she mocking me now?” «No, no mockery,» she laughs. We climb into a boat, and the ride starts immediately.

«So, what else do you want to traumatize me with?» I ask sarcastically.

«I don’t want to traumatize you. I just want to talk.»

«Then talk straight.»

«Fine. Why do you want to distance yourself from Søren?»

«Because I don’t want to grow attached to a mortal who treats me—a superior being—like his slave.»

«Is that really the truth?»

«Yes, it is!»

«Don’t lie to yourself. You’re just afraid of feeling emotions and forming bonds.»

«That’s not true!»

«Then why did you cry when Søren was hurt?»

«I-I…» Tears spill again.

«It’s because you care about him. Even that outburst you had when he woke up—it was just stress.»

«Stop spouting bullshit!»

«I know it hurts. But what hurts me more is that you want to leave him.»

«What?» I ask, bewildered.

«After an eternity, we found a human who treats us like a person, not a wish-granting being,» she says, gripping my shoulders. «He even gave us a name and lets us do as we please!» Her eyes shine with tears, though she smiles.

«I-I don’t want to suffer like that again—it’s unbearable,» I sob, finally letting the tears flow.

«I know it’s unbearable. But what you’re doing is even worse—for him and for us. You haven’t realized it, but you’ve grown attached to Nadia too. When you realize you care for her, will you leave her as well?»

«Yes… no… I don’t know! What am I supposed to do? I don’t want to lose them, but I’m immortal, and one day they’ll die.»

She cups my face in her hand. «Just cherish the little time you have with them. Listen to what your heart is telling you.»

The tunnel’s curtain closes. She kisses me on the lips, and everything fades to black.

“Laila!”

«Søren?» I wake, hearing his voice call my name. All around me is fire. I burst out of the tavern, smashing the door open.