Fear is Stagnation

The noise of the carriage is hard to ignore. The sight of a slightly distant city leaves a bittersweet impression. My first trip outside the village ended in an unexpected fashion.
Unlike how it started, conversation fills the coach. Where Ms. Tsa had once sat, quietly weaving metal, a loud family now laughs and bickers. Sera has given up her driver's seat, her father is now with us, and her mother's time to stand guard is yet to come.

The mix of all this noise, along with the sight of a city growing further and further away, creates this strange feeling in me. It's like I'm in a dream.
Just now, mere minutes ago, people died. They were right next to me, and they died. They attacked us, and I'd rather they die than us, but... they were people.
Someone gave birth to them. Someone was their teacher.
They ate, they slept, they died. They were killed. Is that normal to these people?
Ms. Tsa was ready and waiting. What life has she lived that made her so quick to kill?
Sera's mother was tunnel-visioned on fighting like it was her only goal in life... even though she's a mother.

A day or so ago, I wondered to myself... "Are there monsters in this world?"
"The creature pulling us along might be a monster, but it doesn't seem too far from a normal animal. If you told me it existed somewhere on Earth, I might believe you."
The people travelling with me today... on the surface, they look no different from humans. Perhaps, if I were born a few hundred years earlier, the differences would've been even harder to spot. If you told me, when I first came here, that I was still on Earth, I might've believed you.
It's rare, but there are still people on Earth who live like this; death and slaughter are one and the same to them... But these aren't my people, and no matter what comes, I'll never be like them.

"Smile, and think of those you love."

My only goal is to return home.
When I do, I'd like to still be human.

The noise of this world continues to surround me.

◇ ◇ ◇

The carriage, having passed through the final checkpoint a few minutes ago, comes to a sudden halt. Without a word, our off-duty guard departs from the coach, as does our driver.
"It's been too long since I last saw her fight beasts!" Sera's dad shuffles along the seats to get a glance through the window. "Oho, a Huls. Now that's a classic!"
With excitement in his step, he hops out the door.

Curious, I look outside the window on my side, catching the side of Ms. Tsa in combat mode. A pair of small cat-looking things scramble around the snowy lands, half-interested in getting closer, half-deterred by the presence of people. Presumably, there is at least one more of them on the other side, being dealt with by Sera's mom.

Yeah, no, I don't want to see the deaths of creatures that look kinda like cats. I like cats...
When I turn around, an unexpected sight makes me jump: a face.

"Oh! Sorry."

Sera apologises. I wasn't ready to see someone leaning right up to me. When did she creep up on me anyway?

"I forgot to thank you."
"H-huh? For what?"
"You covered me during the fight, remember?"

I rattle my brain. I feel a little bit out of it, but eventually, I remember. She's talking about when the assassins attacked.

"Oh, right. Sorry, I grabbed you without warning you or anything. Were you okay?"
"Mhm, I was fine. Mom wanted to thank you too."
"Oh... Well, I'm just glad you're all safe."

I look away. The reality is... things could've gone wrong at any moment. I might've done something useful by pure chance, but what about next time?
If I hadn't pulled Sera back towards me, she would've been standing in the way of the king. Would the assassins have gone for her? Even if they didn't attack her, they could've used her as a shield or distracted her parents. Maybe the husband wouldn't have jumped in to save his wife if he were also worried about his daughter?
There are so many uncertainties, and each one could've led to a different death at a different time. What if they shoved Sera into the guards, then slipped on past to kill the king?

"You okay?" Sera forces her way back into my field of view. She's obviously worried about me.
"I don't know..." Maybe I just need to sleep on it; give my brain a chance to process everything.
A casual "hmm" leaves Sera's lips, but she takes my answer as good enough. With nothing more said, she sits beside me.

"Hey, Sera."
"Hmm?"
"Is that man... Vio... the bad guy?"
"He seemed nice. A bit smug, perhaps."
"Right..."

He is the man Feana told me about, isn't he? I'm not confusing him with someone else? The princess is hiding because of him. If he finds her, she'll die.
So... why are his people happy?
Why did he leave the barracks to help us, knowing that assassins were looking for him?
Why did he give Sera what she wanted, no questions asked?
And why... No, who is trying to kill him?
I'm starting to doubt the princess's story. Either she simplified the truth for me, or she lied.
I don't know which one to believe.

"Hey, Sera."
"Hmm?"
"Is the princess a good person?"
"Hmm... Well, she only eats every two days because she doesn't want to take from the village."
"Wait, seriously?"
"I don't know how she does it. Mom and I eat two meals a day!"
"Show some restraint! You're a guest, aren't you?"
"Well, so are you."
"...yeah, that's true."

Maybe I'm the bad person here. I see one fight break out, and suddenly I'm trying to blame someone. As if making one person into the villain will solve every little thing...
When you're scared, you come up with a reason, then you blame it.
I don't want to be like that.

"When we get back, I might try to melt all of the snow."
"Won't it just build up again?"
"Yeah, probably. But what if it doesn't?"
"Hmm...... Then, I'll ask Dad for some furs. They'll keep you warm."
"Thanks."

There's no value in worrying about what might be. I should be focusing on what will.

"So, wanna read that book?"
"Oh, wow, I totally forgot about that!"