Pain

On one of my daily strolls, I found someone other than that woman: a group of ten elves that were dressed in a similar style to Lyla, most of them with armor. Their armor covered more parts of their bodies than Lyla’s did, so she might be the only one with extraordinary healing abilities. They were knocking on the door of one of the abandoned stores. Their existence invaded my peaceful alone time, imposing on my mind the reminder of the pain I kept buried.

With a casual turn, I reversed my path to sneak away. They were most likely to be searching for Lyla. Why else would they willingly enter a city that was rumored to be cursed? I should put my issues aside and confer with Lyla before coming into contact with the group of unknown elves that could be friend or foe. As I was struggling to steel my resolve, a mellow voice called out.

“Hey, kid.” Those two simple words demolished my hopes for stealth. Running would be too suspicious. There was no world where my short legs could outrun a warrior. Pretending not to hear them was my best option. My guise of ignorance lasted only seconds, and without warning, a hand grabbed onto my shoulder.

Although I knew they would eventually catch up to me, the sudden sensation came earlier than I expected, nearly scaring my heart out of my chest. At least my trembling would lend credibility to my excuse. I turned around to face the elf.

“Oh, hello. How are you?” I kept my voice as steady as I could.

“I’m fine. Thank you. Have you seen an elf around?”

I poked his forehead. “Yes. You.”

He maintained his smile. A paragon of patience. “Besides us, before today, did you meet any other elves in this place?”

“In my dreams.”

“And besides your dreams?”

“Everywhere. They walk around on the streets. Keeping us safe.”

“You’re talking about soldiers.”

“They are elves.”

“No. No. Elves are like me. See? The tip of my ear is sharper than that of humans.” He pointed at his ear as a demonstration. I pretended to strain my eyes, to actually think about his explanation.

“I have sharp ears too.” I made sure to say it in a carefree tone, hoping to infuriate him. Instead, he chuckled. That might as well be an evil laugh to me. His tolerance of nonsense was at the level of Lyla’s regeneration. I had to switch strategies to escape this interaction.

“Why don’t you bring me to where you live?” He showed no sign of giving up. Despite his efforts to corner me, my stalling bore fruit. An approaching soldier presented me with an exit route.

“Help! There is a stranger here trying to lure me away! He must be a kidnapper!” I waved to get the soldier’s attention, and he jogged to us.

“What is the problem here?”

“I said it already! They are kidnappers!”

The soldier glared at the elf. The elf somehow remained calm and composed, even when facing my serious accusation. He could really be a kidnapper and had gotten used to this scenario. From his deft handling of the obstacles I had thrown at him, I already foresaw my plans crumbling.

Determined to create an opening, I took a deep breath, prepared to do whatever it took. Something I never thought I would ever do in my life. An action that would leave me with shame forever. No more talking myself out of it. I clutched my stomach and fell to my knees.

“Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. It’s what I ate this morning. My bowels. They are about to explode! Excuse me!” I took off without awaiting a response. If only things were that easy, because after I got a few steps in, the elf grabbed my wrist.

“Wait a second.” He said, somehow, his face still kept the composure from before. Okay. At least show some concern. With a drive befitting someone about to have diarrhea, I struggled and squirmed, but the strength of a child couldn’t overpower that of an adult. The elf successfully locked me in a standoff. I screeched like an animal, battering the elf with my free fist. That psycho continued to appear unbothered, when even the soldier and the other elves exhibited discomfort.

The psycho believed that I was sincere in my actions, though he was just too stubborn to let me escape. And the reason for this incredible level of authenticity was that it wasn’t acting at all. It started with pretense, but once I clamped onto my skin and fat, my guts got the wrong signal and reacted accordingly. Keeping Lyla away ceased to be my priority; that girl could protect herself anyway. Nonetheless, I didn’t want to sell her out here.

“I’m cursed. Don’t touch me for too long. You will get AIDS.”

“What is this AIDS you are talking about?” I thought about changing my answer to the Black Plague, but in that case, I might get chased down and imprisoned.

“Let me go! Why are you asking a kid all this? If there were elves here, they would be at the outpost. Whatever you do, don’t check the guard station. You won’t find any elves there.” I threw out as many confusing statements as possible.

The elf asked no more questions; instead, he finally released me. The moment I had my freedom, I made a straight dash back to the store, though not forgetting to check behind me for any pursuers.

I burst into the shop, charging past Lyla at the counter, and reached the washroom behind the storage room just in time. Luckily, plumbing and toilet paper both existed in this world. Hand-washing hadn’t become mainstream knowledge yet, but at least I could practice it myself. Once out of the frantic state, my mind settled down, and I reflected on what had transpired.

The elves seemed certain that Lyla was staying in the city; they just didn’t know her exact location. Eventually, they would find her. I had to discuss the next course of action with Lyla. Doubts gathered in the corner of my mind, wondering if I could help her better than her people could. Unless they were abusing Lyla, I couldn’t see a reason for her to remain in this place, where triggers abounded for memories of her failure. Secretly, I hoped the elves would find us, all so Lyla’s misery could come to an end.

Coming out of the storage room, when I saw three of the elves (including the psycho) standing face-to-face with Lyla at the counter, hardly any surprise swelled up in me. From the moment the elves saw me, this confrontation became inevitable. It was only a matter of delaying it. My heart still grew numb from watching this scene, as I knew the elves must have followed me here.

“Hello, sister.” The psycho elf broke the silence.

“Who are you?” Even I could tell from a distance that Lyla recognized the visitors.

“Where is your quiver?”

“None of your business.”

“You’d better hide it somewhere safe.” She used it as a knee pillow the other day. I would wager that she left it on her bed, unguarded.

“Why are you here? I told you to leave me alone.”

“Nephrite asked for your hand in marriage.” There was a brief silence. Lyla didn’t show much reaction to the news.

“He should propose to me in person if he is sincere. And he has to claim my quiver first.”

“He is waiting outside. We don’t want to put pressure on you. So, I volunteered to convince you.”

Lyla glanced around nervously and finally spotted me behind her. She snatched my hand and dashed to the stairs. Her grip felt colder than the nights in the forest, and each of her heavy steps brought a creak from the floorboard. The bow and arrow necklace danced to her urgency.

She let go of me only once we were in her room, and she slammed the door shut. I stood idly with no plan of action. My eyes followed Lyla, who zipped around the room to collect her bow, quiver, and her bag. She was done packing up in mere seconds.

“My brother is stupid. We can sneak out of the window onto the roof. We can write to Topaz to take care of Coyote. If we work together-” She passionately sold me her plan.

“Can I ask you something?” I cut her off mid-speech.

“Be quick. They won’t wait long.”

“Will they treat you well?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you running away from them? Do they abuse you or imprison you?”

Lyla was lost for words. She could only stare at the floor. I suddenly noticed that the hazel wainscot made the white walls look even plainer. These details that were invisible to me became striking. All so I didn’t have to read Lyla’s expression.

“They treat me well. Nephrite has known me since we were children. And he is the son of our mayor. If I ever get married, I’d prefer it to be to him. Why did I run away? It wasn’t because of them. It was all me. The archery techniques taught there couldn’t help me improve. I wanted to see the wider world. I wanted to find a chance to get better at shooting. It’s been ten years, and nothing has changed. My skills are as poor as ever. Normal elves should be able to pass a human archery exam with their eyes closed, but not me.” And it happened again. I couldn’t think of any words to console her. Maybe the elves could help her, not this outsider, who dared to impose his arrogance onto what he knew nothing about.

“Which would make you happier? Going back or continuing your journey, which probably has nothing waiting for you at the finish line.” Pushing her to make a choice was all I could do.

“It isn’t that simple. Married elves have responsibilities in the household. I can’t stay away from home for long once I get married. They want to use marriage to keep me from travelling.”

“Hold on. Think about why they are trying to keep you at home.” I wished I could stop my flow of words, to stay silent before I said things I would regret. My line of questioning continued anyway, because I trusted that I knew the answer.

“They care about me. They miss me. I know that. I miss them too. And I visit home sometimes. But the problem is, they don’t get it. They don’t get what I’m aiming for.”

“What are you aiming for?”

“I don’t know.” She exuded confidence and defiance in those three simple words. A foolish impulse that would lead her onto the wrong path, somewhere she would never be happy. Chasing a mirage that could never become reality.

“Think about this rationally. That’s all I can tell you.”

Lyla raised her head at last and sent a glare straight at me. It was different from the look she gave me when we first met; this one was vulnerable, pleading for mercy behind the thin veil of toothless aggression.

“What are you saying?” Her breath was messy when she spoke.

“It’s been ten years of suffering for you. Why not accept the happiness that is handed to you? Do you think Nephrite can make you happy?”

“I… I don’t know. He has always been nice to me. And everyone is nice to me back home. But… but…”

“This is called the sunk cost fallacy. You spent ten years on archery, so now if you give up. It would all be for nothing. And you will keep wallowing in misery until the day you die. That is why many married couples would rather suffer than get a divorce. You know what a divorce is, right?” The more I spoke, the confidence that had been sealed away tore its way out of its prison. Lyla’s face became stiffer, but the truth always had a profound effect on people.

She responded with a robotic nod. Then, with both hands, she grabbed her bow and arrow necklaces and took them both off. Those possessions that she treasured so much, I still remembered the smile she had when she bought them, so easily she shoved them into my hand.

The awaited explanation didn’t arrive. Instead, the next thing she did was take her belongings and waltz directly out the door, slamming it to warn me from following her.

In the reflective stillness that followed, my depression ensnared me again.